The last quarter of 2016 has been a rather difficult few months for me be it, spiritually, physically or financially. I am challenged to the maximum this 4 months. First with sickness during the time where I am at the verge of submitting my 20% assignment and to cope with my studies, only to discovered that I have got measles after one to two weeks of having fever. After that, there are numerous incidences at home which caused me to travel back and forth between KK and Tawau, that includes the demise of my beloved father on the 8th December 2016 at about 8pm, while I am in the midst of sorting two summons, 3 trials and my 60% assignment.
Life has been difficult. I realised from all these, who are the people that stand besides me and who are not. There are many who only come into my life when i am in good shape and left when they realised the bad side of me. I am thankful to have those who knows the bad side of me and yet stay on to make me a better person and I am thankful for them in trusting me that i will be a better soul in future. There are people that shaped me and there are people who only put blames on me for what happen to them but did not look what they did on me.
Worse still, when dad passed away, I realised there's few people who sent their condolences simply to 'redeem' their own mistakes and fault and to feel better with it. For the past 5 to 6 years, they never send a greeting or regards, but only now, that they send their condolences just so that they don't feel bad and they will close this chapter in their lives. Selfishness as I call it, well, it happens to almost everyone, including my own brother who only 'appear' to be the 'big brother' and next head of the family when dad passed away, trying to show up, take control of everything and disappeared, leaving the rest of the works and responsibilities to me.
People used to tell me that you will only see who are you true friends when you are in difficulties. Well, I have seen a lot these few years. There are too, people who loves to create stories behind and defame your name because they are too afraid that their bad part in their life is being revealed. I often being the victim of all these non-sense. People says i did not look for so and so for few months now and who knows, I have been blocked completely (in FB) by her and that hurts too much for me to care much about her?
There's always two sides of the stories. Call myself selfish, well, I am rightfully claiming this rights, so myself is protected and myself is feeling right at least for denying such a friendship in my life. No. I don't want these kind of friends or people in my life. Call me heart less or no love. Whatever it is, I think i deserves a better life or lifestyle. Call me selfish and I agree that I should at least selfish for once rather than being too nice and let others take me for granted.
These few months, i am reminded why I like to be with myself and no other people. It is still better that way - distance myself from being too close to anyone at all. Thank God for a group of people who know what i am suffering and still stand by me even it cost them to argue with their parents over 'endangering their life' to be with the sick one [well, once you are diagnosed to be sick, you are always labelled as sick]. Thank God for those who are here to trust me of who I am and still believe me as who i am.
This is my favourite month, but it is also a month I am very much down in mood.
Hoping that 2017 is a better year.
- The last quarter of 2016 -
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Tuesday, October 04, 2016
Entering the 12th year of practicing law
It's never my intention to practice law until the 12th year, or rather, my senior (ex-boss) told me to just practice and in a while, time will reach 12 or 20 years. As a strong christian, he reminded me that, it doesn't matter how we started the journey, but it is important how you end it. He reminded me that, the world is full of temptation, we must always keep our eyes on Him.
Over the years, besides Hok Chong, my ex-boss, I have to say, 11 years of practice is only possible with His grace and mercy and blessing. I don't know how I did it, but.... 11 years had gone past. It is a celebration because I couldn't remember, besides people came along to 'take me for granted', there's anyone else in this 'world' that has blessed me in my career advancement. Unlike others who has mentor(s) or advisor(s) or senior to advise them or tell me what to do next, I struggle through ever files I handle, myself. Do I have a master whom I can rely on? Do I have anyone supporting me financially? Do I have anyone who support me emotionally and mentally? Well, I must say, there is not only NONE, but also I am grateful enough if people arounds me are not making things worse for me. I don't think anyone would understand how I manage to survive until today.
I can only say, helps never comes from human being. It's all God and His mercy and grace. 12th years, could be the last year of my practice. I am not sure. Only He knows what's my future is. I don't even plan too because it seems like He is always the one who controls my life and future. All i need to focus now is, how to get through the 12th year of my practice and earn the LLM I need. Only He knows and holds my future. So, i can ask Him for Him to bless me and sustain me.
For people who is lending a helping hands (if any), thank you very much. People like Mun Yee and Ines and Ya Ching, I always grateful to have you all to be around to 'teach me' what to do when I asked. For those people who couldn't even bother to help and yet claim that you know me, etc. Well, thanks for helping me to grow up relying God more. For those who has been praying, thank you and May God continue to bless you for your wonderful heart.
Lastly, thank you Lord for everything. You made me feels loved and you made me feels I cannot lives without You! Thank you. Please do not leave me alone like people do.
- Entering the 12th year of practicing law -
Over the years, besides Hok Chong, my ex-boss, I have to say, 11 years of practice is only possible with His grace and mercy and blessing. I don't know how I did it, but.... 11 years had gone past. It is a celebration because I couldn't remember, besides people came along to 'take me for granted', there's anyone else in this 'world' that has blessed me in my career advancement. Unlike others who has mentor(s) or advisor(s) or senior to advise them or tell me what to do next, I struggle through ever files I handle, myself. Do I have a master whom I can rely on? Do I have anyone supporting me financially? Do I have anyone who support me emotionally and mentally? Well, I must say, there is not only NONE, but also I am grateful enough if people arounds me are not making things worse for me. I don't think anyone would understand how I manage to survive until today.
I can only say, helps never comes from human being. It's all God and His mercy and grace. 12th years, could be the last year of my practice. I am not sure. Only He knows what's my future is. I don't even plan too because it seems like He is always the one who controls my life and future. All i need to focus now is, how to get through the 12th year of my practice and earn the LLM I need. Only He knows and holds my future. So, i can ask Him for Him to bless me and sustain me.
For people who is lending a helping hands (if any), thank you very much. People like Mun Yee and Ines and Ya Ching, I always grateful to have you all to be around to 'teach me' what to do when I asked. For those people who couldn't even bother to help and yet claim that you know me, etc. Well, thanks for helping me to grow up relying God more. For those who has been praying, thank you and May God continue to bless you for your wonderful heart.
Lastly, thank you Lord for everything. You made me feels loved and you made me feels I cannot lives without You! Thank you. Please do not leave me alone like people do.
- Entering the 12th year of practicing law -
Thursday, September 01, 2016
My Baby....
That was years before i took up distance learning LLM. My goodness, God knows how much this LLM causes me, financially and physically. It consume most of my time ... and even TV i have not spend time to finish a series properly since then. It's summer holiday and I am not going anywhere for this year and next and so, I think the Ukulele somehow brought me back to my passion for music... and my love for guitar.
Taylor came across my mind and it's not as expensive as before - think i can afford it better now. It's the size i want as it's a size which i can bring it around everywhere I go and I need one which I carry and yet, my leg can sustain well and it's not heavy, it is easy to move my fingers around. I did thought of Martin LX1. But i don't like the shape of guitar. Dreadnought Junior is my kind, but it's bigger and more expensive. So, I was looking around and back to Baby Taylor. It's just so handsome and nice. I couldn't resist that temptation any further.
With all the hassles with one of the music stores and the complication of the authorised dealership and lots of yes or no for warranty and all, I finally got my dear baby ...
I love with Ibanez never ends. They serves different function. At least, for now, I don't need to worry about spoiling Ibanez.
After so long, I finally am happy to tell the world, I have a BABY TAYLOR!
- My Baby .... -
Monday, August 29, 2016
Wicked man ...
Gossip seems to be a topic and an issue which is not being able to handle well by many. Somehow, most people tend to listens to evil lips and their lies rather than the righteous one. One of the reason, we are advocate because we know that lies did take certain weights when it is told by some 'professional' liars. They are good. Whatever they tell others, the story changed completely. Instead, most of the time, the righteous one doesn't want to talk about things. They kept silence and they don't bother to clarify. We always tell the innocent that, he/she needs to SPEAK out to defence themselves to be put into jail. But most of the time, the innocent people tend to worry too much, think too much... and they have their certain ways of thinking - to protect someone, etc. But most often, we said they are STUPID.
But wicked man, the Bible says..... listens to evil lips; a liar pays attention to a malicious tongue. Liar is good to manipulate stories to make it sounds 'right' and most of the time, we, the trained advocate realised, that it is only the wicked on who will go around telling stories (untrue stories) around to make themselves appear to be righteous and good people.
This is not the first time i encounter how evil lips can be. From the moment people uses their lips to hurts me, i know, they did not goes against just me, but against the Lord. John 15: 18-20 says, "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belong to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.".
There's more and more reason that i found out, why not many people likes me. More and more people who tends to listens to others' beautiful lies and started to unfriend me. What matters now compare to previous years is that, it doesn't hurt anymore to be unfriended by someone now a day. I don't mind being hated for whatever 'reasons' people want to use against me. My core mind set is still the same. As long as I do what God approves me to do for Him in my life, I will do it, finish it and go home.
For wicked man who listens to evil lips and liar pays attention to malicious tongue...... thanks for letting me know what kind of people you are and probably it is better now than later.
- Wicked man ... -
But wicked man, the Bible says..... listens to evil lips; a liar pays attention to a malicious tongue. Liar is good to manipulate stories to make it sounds 'right' and most of the time, we, the trained advocate realised, that it is only the wicked on who will go around telling stories (untrue stories) around to make themselves appear to be righteous and good people.
This is not the first time i encounter how evil lips can be. From the moment people uses their lips to hurts me, i know, they did not goes against just me, but against the Lord. John 15: 18-20 says, "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belong to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.".
There's more and more reason that i found out, why not many people likes me. More and more people who tends to listens to others' beautiful lies and started to unfriend me. What matters now compare to previous years is that, it doesn't hurt anymore to be unfriended by someone now a day. I don't mind being hated for whatever 'reasons' people want to use against me. My core mind set is still the same. As long as I do what God approves me to do for Him in my life, I will do it, finish it and go home.
For wicked man who listens to evil lips and liar pays attention to malicious tongue...... thanks for letting me know what kind of people you are and probably it is better now than later.
- Wicked man ... -
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Unsure
Sometimes, things happen .... and we tried very hard to understand the 'true' story of the incident. Most people, unlike trained advocate, will tend to look at things at one direction, that includes the feeling of one party. As trained advocate, I tend to look at things at different perspective and I always find that, there's no right or wrong party when things happen, it is all about the party's own feeling and perceptions on things.
On my recent visit to Kathmandu, Nepal. I overheard my missionary friend conversation with her host, Simon who is a Nepali. She asked Simon if he, as a Nepali, would prefer to have a more developed country or he prefer the country to be like the current situation. Over past few days, we did have a conversation and discussion on politics, economic and Nepali in general. When we were talking with Simon, he gave us this impression that everything is good and fine. For us, our impression is, we need (a) better road access (b) better traffic laws (c) better wi-fi services (d) better of everything. But we never complain about having a nice people , nice attitudes, nice food, etc. Because, those are the culture and assets. Expectedly, Simon told us, he prefer the situation now because that's their culture and their lives and it reflected them, the Nepali and country of Nepal. We, the outsider, might be thinking, we wanted to help them to get a 'better' life. But to them, they prefer not to. Is having all these road access, traffic, drainage, wi-fi is more important? Are they in need of being 'developed'?
Your opinion might be answering YES, but to them, that's a NO NO. Can we say they are WRONG? or we are WRONG? There's no such thing as wrong in perspective. People can be treating us really good. But, that doesn't mean, that's what i need and wanted. I can treat someone very nicely and good, but that doesn't mean that's what they want. In fact, if I feel a bit discomfort over the nice treatment, it doesn't mean, the person who is doing it is wrong. I guess at the end of the day, it is all about respect. Respecting how other feels. This friend of mine always know this. Be it dealing with Napali or dealing with me. She can be sure what is comfortable and what is not. She always tells me, "let me know if you are not comfortable on certain things because I can be pushy and I always wants things to be done IMMEDIATELY". haha...... that's what I call, a friend who knows me well.
I have learned a good lesson. Some people, just can't understand and bother how you feel about things. If you tell them honestly, not all will be like my dear friend here who can accept it and slow down the pace for me. Most of them, they just points their fingers and scold you for non-appreciation and they will just make sure you feel that you are very WRONG in feeling that way. Well, for now, i can't be bother much about people like this in my life. Not respecting others means, I shall not respect them too. hahaha.... Sorry, I need to be selfish. That's what I learned too.
- Unsure -
On my recent visit to Kathmandu, Nepal. I overheard my missionary friend conversation with her host, Simon who is a Nepali. She asked Simon if he, as a Nepali, would prefer to have a more developed country or he prefer the country to be like the current situation. Over past few days, we did have a conversation and discussion on politics, economic and Nepali in general. When we were talking with Simon, he gave us this impression that everything is good and fine. For us, our impression is, we need (a) better road access (b) better traffic laws (c) better wi-fi services (d) better of everything. But we never complain about having a nice people , nice attitudes, nice food, etc. Because, those are the culture and assets. Expectedly, Simon told us, he prefer the situation now because that's their culture and their lives and it reflected them, the Nepali and country of Nepal. We, the outsider, might be thinking, we wanted to help them to get a 'better' life. But to them, they prefer not to. Is having all these road access, traffic, drainage, wi-fi is more important? Are they in need of being 'developed'?
Your opinion might be answering YES, but to them, that's a NO NO. Can we say they are WRONG? or we are WRONG? There's no such thing as wrong in perspective. People can be treating us really good. But, that doesn't mean, that's what i need and wanted. I can treat someone very nicely and good, but that doesn't mean that's what they want. In fact, if I feel a bit discomfort over the nice treatment, it doesn't mean, the person who is doing it is wrong. I guess at the end of the day, it is all about respect. Respecting how other feels. This friend of mine always know this. Be it dealing with Napali or dealing with me. She can be sure what is comfortable and what is not. She always tells me, "let me know if you are not comfortable on certain things because I can be pushy and I always wants things to be done IMMEDIATELY". haha...... that's what I call, a friend who knows me well.
I have learned a good lesson. Some people, just can't understand and bother how you feel about things. If you tell them honestly, not all will be like my dear friend here who can accept it and slow down the pace for me. Most of them, they just points their fingers and scold you for non-appreciation and they will just make sure you feel that you are very WRONG in feeling that way. Well, for now, i can't be bother much about people like this in my life. Not respecting others means, I shall not respect them too. hahaha.... Sorry, I need to be selfish. That's what I learned too.
- Unsure -
Monday, July 11, 2016
Getting old....
It's a process of getting old. Those who has been with me often would notice how bad thing gets. I am thankful however, for them to be present all the time trying to ease my 'discomfort' and trying to make sure things didn't turn out to be so bad. hahaha.... well, prevention is better than cure. hahaha....
Constant nagging that I get my leg sorted, my brain checked, my eyesight sorted are almost like a routine these days. Not that I ignore them. Just that, I am trying to arrange for a BETTER time to sort them out. But the things about life being 'older', these doesn't seems to be the utmost concern these days. Spending the last bit of my time seems to be more important than wasting them in hospital beds.
Over a conversation with my mom about having insurance policies to add on 36 critical illness, i told her my insurance agents seems to think i should increase the insured sum. I however, think it would be useless because if I am so sick to a point i need about 100K to treat, I would rather die. She agreed. hahahaha.... Well, this year is adventurous. With first time hitting academic misconduct issue due to my oversight, first time visiting friends in Taiwan, first time visiting some friends in countries I have never been. Coping financial difficulties (blaming over spending too much previously), etc. etc. Life has been quite challenging but yet, I guess, .... it's just small part of life. Every time i heard people mention over "life to the fullnest", i know, it includes a lot of things which we do not wish it is included. But the point is, how can life be in FULL if it doesn't being included with some 'negativity'?
I am getting old alright. It's time to save up for retirement. It's time to think about Plan B if Plan A didn't work on accordingly.
I am getting old. ... things that I deemed as 'wasting of time', i won't attend to it at all. ... things that I deemed as 'not beneficial', i won't attend to it too.
i am thankful for those who are willing to take extra efforts to make sure I am alright... your 'pat on the shoulder' works. haha...
- getting old ... -
Constant nagging that I get my leg sorted, my brain checked, my eyesight sorted are almost like a routine these days. Not that I ignore them. Just that, I am trying to arrange for a BETTER time to sort them out. But the things about life being 'older', these doesn't seems to be the utmost concern these days. Spending the last bit of my time seems to be more important than wasting them in hospital beds.
Over a conversation with my mom about having insurance policies to add on 36 critical illness, i told her my insurance agents seems to think i should increase the insured sum. I however, think it would be useless because if I am so sick to a point i need about 100K to treat, I would rather die. She agreed. hahahaha.... Well, this year is adventurous. With first time hitting academic misconduct issue due to my oversight, first time visiting friends in Taiwan, first time visiting some friends in countries I have never been. Coping financial difficulties (blaming over spending too much previously), etc. etc. Life has been quite challenging but yet, I guess, .... it's just small part of life. Every time i heard people mention over "life to the fullnest", i know, it includes a lot of things which we do not wish it is included. But the point is, how can life be in FULL if it doesn't being included with some 'negativity'?
I am getting old alright. It's time to save up for retirement. It's time to think about Plan B if Plan A didn't work on accordingly.
I am getting old. ... things that I deemed as 'wasting of time', i won't attend to it at all. ... things that I deemed as 'not beneficial', i won't attend to it too.
i am thankful for those who are willing to take extra efforts to make sure I am alright... your 'pat on the shoulder' works. haha...
- getting old ... -
Tuesday, June 07, 2016
Difficulties vs Faith
"Everything has its season." A friend reminded me. True even though it's ugly at this time of trial. I do not expect anyone to understand my situation better, even though some of them can relate with similar incidences. Job is always a good reminder for me in time of trial. My dad used to tell me, everything has its season. When it is good, it will be over one day. When it is bad, it will be over one day too. So, when I was reminded that it will be over soon, I can only pray to God, that it will be over soon by His mercy and grace and that destructions caused will be minimised. Can't ask God to take away bad times from me because I believe, we all need bad times to learn a lesson or to get closer to God. All I am asking now is that, it will be over soon and I will not suffer further.
This does not apply of course to me, but to anyone. When people arounds me also suffer, I wonder... and praying the same that they will get over their bad times soonest possible too. Over the one month, many told me what they faces. Some just started their career and it's difficult. Some met with difficult time in their marriages to a point it is considered in law as unable to lives together anymore. Some had departed from their previous partners due to severe misunderstanding causing losses to the firm. Some is having financial difficulties. Some are depressed over things that's not going their ways, some met a physical illness and yet of course, some are doing very good in any aspect of their lives.
At the age of 41, I tend to look at issues, things and problem differently. I don't expect people who can understand my situation completely. But I cannot tolerate when people (a) take me for granted (b) tend to control my life (c) making ridiculous assumptions about me (d) causing unnecessary stress to me (e) causing discomfort to me (f) making my life miserable and (g) putting me in a very embarrass and difficult situations to deal with. I feel agitated by all these. Whoever causing this to me, the next you know would be I walked away and never return, regardless who you are. Over the past few months, be it some so called friend or some clients, i did the same. In a way, I am just throwing 'rubbish' out of my life.
This year, everything doesn't seems right. But I am focusing on God better this year. Praying to Him everyday. Asking Him to sustain me, giving me strength to move on and God knows... how long more I can sustain and accomplish what I need to accomplish.
God, have mercy and grace upon me, I ask!
- Difficulties vs Faith -
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Living each day as it is my last.
My mother who is 79 years old this year told me most of her days are in a 'not fit' condition these days and so, I told her, if you woke up that day and you are in good shape and mood, do as much as you can as you might not know if you can do that the next day. She agreed.
Well, that's me for the past few years. Been in the state of 'dunno if I am fit to finish my task tomorrow and so I need to finish it while I can'. People do not understand what it means. Most of them told me not to do so much in a day. They don't know I do have a few days or weeks which I couldn't get much work done. I will finish the assignment, or the submission, or the issuance of the letters, bank transactions, bankers' cheques application, etc. in a day if I am able to. I won't wait and get it done the next day, because i might not be able to do that the next day.
Be it a planned holiday or not, some of the days, I am well, some, I am not. Those who travel with me would have noticed that too even though most of them thought it is just emotions. Sadly, it is NOT just emotions. Those who is able to embraced it is brilliant especially those who are 'near' and yet still giving me my privacy when i needed. When I am silence... they wont' disturb, until it is TOO silence for too long, a gentle reminder usually given and a gentle drag will usually executed. I seriously appreciate that a lot.
Many has forgotten what I said earlier on or rather, they thought it will no longer apply to me today. But unfortunately, it's still the same. I cannot change the condition in my brain, I cannot take control of when I will die or lives, or whether I want the way I want it. It's just not possible. The only changes today is, I will tend to shun away from things that's very much bothering me to lives a life I am already struggling with. Be it people, or matters or anything that I think it's too much to bear, I will give up. Issues which to me has been settled and resurfaced again, I will end up stop bothering it and let it be gone forever. Well, to many these are very self-central. True and I admitted it completely. This is simply because I have other issues to focus to. My parents, my job and my studies and I think I have enough to 'burden' my brain with already.
The bible says, think of what's good and beautiful and what's positive and nice. So, I will. I do not want to regret about my life if i couldn't wake up the next day anymore and realised I am already in the heaven with the Lord. Each day, I am living and still do.... like it is my last day.
For those who cannot understand, unable to handle who I am, I am sorry. I have to let you go. If you see me as selfish and bad, be it as it is. I just couldn't afford to handle 'stress' like this anymore. Thanks for being around for a while.
- Living each day as it is my last. -
Well, that's me for the past few years. Been in the state of 'dunno if I am fit to finish my task tomorrow and so I need to finish it while I can'. People do not understand what it means. Most of them told me not to do so much in a day. They don't know I do have a few days or weeks which I couldn't get much work done. I will finish the assignment, or the submission, or the issuance of the letters, bank transactions, bankers' cheques application, etc. in a day if I am able to. I won't wait and get it done the next day, because i might not be able to do that the next day.
Be it a planned holiday or not, some of the days, I am well, some, I am not. Those who travel with me would have noticed that too even though most of them thought it is just emotions. Sadly, it is NOT just emotions. Those who is able to embraced it is brilliant especially those who are 'near' and yet still giving me my privacy when i needed. When I am silence... they wont' disturb, until it is TOO silence for too long, a gentle reminder usually given and a gentle drag will usually executed. I seriously appreciate that a lot.
Many has forgotten what I said earlier on or rather, they thought it will no longer apply to me today. But unfortunately, it's still the same. I cannot change the condition in my brain, I cannot take control of when I will die or lives, or whether I want the way I want it. It's just not possible. The only changes today is, I will tend to shun away from things that's very much bothering me to lives a life I am already struggling with. Be it people, or matters or anything that I think it's too much to bear, I will give up. Issues which to me has been settled and resurfaced again, I will end up stop bothering it and let it be gone forever. Well, to many these are very self-central. True and I admitted it completely. This is simply because I have other issues to focus to. My parents, my job and my studies and I think I have enough to 'burden' my brain with already.
The bible says, think of what's good and beautiful and what's positive and nice. So, I will. I do not want to regret about my life if i couldn't wake up the next day anymore and realised I am already in the heaven with the Lord. Each day, I am living and still do.... like it is my last day.
For those who cannot understand, unable to handle who I am, I am sorry. I have to let you go. If you see me as selfish and bad, be it as it is. I just couldn't afford to handle 'stress' like this anymore. Thanks for being around for a while.
- Living each day as it is my last. -
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Alone?
A lot of people been trying to feed themselves with understanding that (a) human is best not to be lives alone (b) social attention is needed and (c) we must get married or be with someone we love. I, however, have the opinion through experience that this might not be what we deemed as 'normal' or 'best way' of life. No. I am not against people being socialising with other human / pet. I am just saying, it should not apply equally beneficial to all human God created. My argument is that, every human being God created is unique and walk a different path with Him according to His Will. I do agree that God created man and women. I do agree that God created everything good. My question not is, is God creating divorce? singleness? loneliness? Majority of people might be having the thought that those are not 'normal' because majority are doing the 'norm'. Is that mean doing the 'minority' is deemed to be 'wrong'?
We can agree with one firm needs a few lawyers to operate. I can also agree that one firm run by only the sole lawyer. You may agree that living in a landed house is better than condominium, I would beg to defer that idea. I think, it is best that, one lives their own lives with God's Will sorted. One thing i like the most about England is that, we mind our own business.
I don't like (everyone arounds me be it close or less close knows) a person next to me that's always nagging, controlling, forceful and deciding things for me. Well, 'like' is an understatement. I HATE it a lot and i will make sure i 'leave' those persons behind and away from my life.
Worse still, those who seek attention from me. Goodness, if I happen to be caring and loving you, stop 'demanding' it more from me at my cost. stop making it sounds like, i owe you a million. Demanding and asking those from me is like bagger, alright? And no, I don't usually give to bagger. I always ask why do they have to bag. Do I ? It's a mentality and how much you are willing to work to get your life changed. Be it bagger, i think some of them are still struggling through by 'working' on making a life. I always look at those who see "Big Issue" on the street whenever I get the chance to in the Broadmead, Bristol. Or those who play music or guitars to get a living. Mind you, some of them are even millionaire.
All i am saying it, I am quite sure I don't like to get around with people who loves to nag, control, forceful and deciding things for me. Worse still, demanded that everything I do shall be with them, etc. I do have other friends, relatives, and a life to work on. Don't make me lose my life because of you. My life doesn't surrounded by just one person. My ultimate concern is still my parents and myself - my career, my studies, my entertainment, my time with my friends, church.
Being alone is wrong? I don't think so. I think life is better be alone rather than being 'changed' or controlled by others. I am better or well focus whenever I am alone. So, stay away from me if you want to control my life, i.e. including who i get along with or what kind of movie i want to watch. If you don't like my choices, stay away from me. Respect is to be earned.
- Alone? -
We can agree with one firm needs a few lawyers to operate. I can also agree that one firm run by only the sole lawyer. You may agree that living in a landed house is better than condominium, I would beg to defer that idea. I think, it is best that, one lives their own lives with God's Will sorted. One thing i like the most about England is that, we mind our own business.
I don't like (everyone arounds me be it close or less close knows) a person next to me that's always nagging, controlling, forceful and deciding things for me. Well, 'like' is an understatement. I HATE it a lot and i will make sure i 'leave' those persons behind and away from my life.
Worse still, those who seek attention from me. Goodness, if I happen to be caring and loving you, stop 'demanding' it more from me at my cost. stop making it sounds like, i owe you a million. Demanding and asking those from me is like bagger, alright? And no, I don't usually give to bagger. I always ask why do they have to bag. Do I ? It's a mentality and how much you are willing to work to get your life changed. Be it bagger, i think some of them are still struggling through by 'working' on making a life. I always look at those who see "Big Issue" on the street whenever I get the chance to in the Broadmead, Bristol. Or those who play music or guitars to get a living. Mind you, some of them are even millionaire.
All i am saying it, I am quite sure I don't like to get around with people who loves to nag, control, forceful and deciding things for me. Worse still, demanded that everything I do shall be with them, etc. I do have other friends, relatives, and a life to work on. Don't make me lose my life because of you. My life doesn't surrounded by just one person. My ultimate concern is still my parents and myself - my career, my studies, my entertainment, my time with my friends, church.
Being alone is wrong? I don't think so. I think life is better be alone rather than being 'changed' or controlled by others. I am better or well focus whenever I am alone. So, stay away from me if you want to control my life, i.e. including who i get along with or what kind of movie i want to watch. If you don't like my choices, stay away from me. Respect is to be earned.
- Alone? -
Saturday, March 05, 2016
Application
It is weird, that... most people are very self-focus. They deed that whatever they do, as long as it is for their own benefit or their own happiness, they deemed as others also will feel the same. It's weird, which people never thought of the impact that they will give to the 'recipient'. No. Of course... that never cross their mind. If it ever does, it must be after the make their own 'assumption', i.e. they THINK how other fees, they THINk that's what the best for other, they THINK what they did will be beneficial to the recipient and that whatever they did, it is never near the line - WRONG.
Unfortunately, these people also those who cannot accept the fact when the recipient told them, what they did annoyed them and bring them discomfort. They somehow, insisted, that the recipient was wrong in having such thinking and the recipient had put up accusation on them and their well-intents. Still, they tend to think, ... as long as what they did is deemed right to them, what the recipient feels and do, is somehow, WRONG and they must be the one wrong because they now accused them for things that's purportedly to be wrong.
I am not a person who can feel loved when someone took control of my life. Unless some, who only feels good, loved, and belonged whenever their lives is being controlled by someone. I don't. I am just not those people. Since young, I don't ask others for their 'permission' for things i want or do not want to do. Somehow, I am seeing this from my niece these days. Others, me including can feel so annoyed by such characters and attitudes. But that's US. We don't like people controlling us. We don't like people telling us what to do. I got angry with my mom nagging me to go haircut and when she stepped over the line by making appointment for me, that's it. I am NOT talking to her the whole day. Line cannot be crossed. Once crossed, that's it.... and don't expect me to take that line off by just saying 'sorry'. It doesn't work that way at all.
I could be silent towards your 'suggestion' but if i didn't 'act' on it, stop the issue there and then. I allow you to give suggestion, but doesn't mean you are smarter than me and can make a better decision for me and I therefore have to follow your decision.
Those who knows me well would have know it. I love my freedom. I don't like to be 'controlled'. I must say, I hate having people acted like a boss or princess or king and asked me to COMPLY to what they demand me for. I am not one who will bow down towards your threat, your begging, you crying, your duress, coercion. The more this is done, the more I won't bother much. That's me.
I know there are a lot of people who are self-focus and selfish. Accusing me for not forgiving them even for what they did. But they never understand and examine themselves what they did and what impact they made before shifting that blames to me. All they saw is they already apologised. Damages that caused that I am still trying to solve for MONTHS..... did they see it? I bet they didn't even notice. Does apologising is good enough and that everything will resolved thereafter? Come on.... if you happen to put Diesel in your Petrol car... the action is done. Saying a word of 'sorry' doesn't mean the diesel will turn into petrol and all things will resolved completely. I still need to do the necessary to change it and it costs right? It takes time isn't it?
This is not kindergarten where you are allowed to make mistakes and walk away with it by just apologising. Even if my niece and nephew made a mistake, they have to apologise, and then amended it. Apologising itself doesn't help much. An adult should know better. By apologising and walked away in your adulthood, it is call irresponsible. Say sorry, left the place and let me sort out the mess and then blamed me for accusing you because I didn't accept your apologise? This is totally unacceptable. By right, you made the bloody mistakes and you are to sort that out. Why me?
These days, whoever make a mistake because they didn't ask, they acted smart, they PAID for it. Sometimes, some people, just need to grow up and learn things. As much as I wish others to be able to be more mature, ... there are still people having their age growing up, but not their intelligent and emotions. Sadly, the number is rising with the younger generation and I am seriously having difficulties understanding them. That includes, they haven't help their bosses to earn a penny and yet they are asking the bosses for salary so that they can afford a good life. Once, a boss asked me during my interview, how much I am wiling to help him earn in a month. He, later told me he expect me to earn triple of what he paid me and he asked if I can do that. I was only asking for RM2,800.00. Can you help your employer to earn RM8,400.00 a month? Most graduates now a day asking for RM4000. Are you able to help your employer to earn RM12,000.00? Don't be selfish .. even in seeking a job.
- Application -
Unfortunately, these people also those who cannot accept the fact when the recipient told them, what they did annoyed them and bring them discomfort. They somehow, insisted, that the recipient was wrong in having such thinking and the recipient had put up accusation on them and their well-intents. Still, they tend to think, ... as long as what they did is deemed right to them, what the recipient feels and do, is somehow, WRONG and they must be the one wrong because they now accused them for things that's purportedly to be wrong.
I am not a person who can feel loved when someone took control of my life. Unless some, who only feels good, loved, and belonged whenever their lives is being controlled by someone. I don't. I am just not those people. Since young, I don't ask others for their 'permission' for things i want or do not want to do. Somehow, I am seeing this from my niece these days. Others, me including can feel so annoyed by such characters and attitudes. But that's US. We don't like people controlling us. We don't like people telling us what to do. I got angry with my mom nagging me to go haircut and when she stepped over the line by making appointment for me, that's it. I am NOT talking to her the whole day. Line cannot be crossed. Once crossed, that's it.... and don't expect me to take that line off by just saying 'sorry'. It doesn't work that way at all.
I could be silent towards your 'suggestion' but if i didn't 'act' on it, stop the issue there and then. I allow you to give suggestion, but doesn't mean you are smarter than me and can make a better decision for me and I therefore have to follow your decision.
Those who knows me well would have know it. I love my freedom. I don't like to be 'controlled'. I must say, I hate having people acted like a boss or princess or king and asked me to COMPLY to what they demand me for. I am not one who will bow down towards your threat, your begging, you crying, your duress, coercion. The more this is done, the more I won't bother much. That's me.
I know there are a lot of people who are self-focus and selfish. Accusing me for not forgiving them even for what they did. But they never understand and examine themselves what they did and what impact they made before shifting that blames to me. All they saw is they already apologised. Damages that caused that I am still trying to solve for MONTHS..... did they see it? I bet they didn't even notice. Does apologising is good enough and that everything will resolved thereafter? Come on.... if you happen to put Diesel in your Petrol car... the action is done. Saying a word of 'sorry' doesn't mean the diesel will turn into petrol and all things will resolved completely. I still need to do the necessary to change it and it costs right? It takes time isn't it?
This is not kindergarten where you are allowed to make mistakes and walk away with it by just apologising. Even if my niece and nephew made a mistake, they have to apologise, and then amended it. Apologising itself doesn't help much. An adult should know better. By apologising and walked away in your adulthood, it is call irresponsible. Say sorry, left the place and let me sort out the mess and then blamed me for accusing you because I didn't accept your apologise? This is totally unacceptable. By right, you made the bloody mistakes and you are to sort that out. Why me?
These days, whoever make a mistake because they didn't ask, they acted smart, they PAID for it. Sometimes, some people, just need to grow up and learn things. As much as I wish others to be able to be more mature, ... there are still people having their age growing up, but not their intelligent and emotions. Sadly, the number is rising with the younger generation and I am seriously having difficulties understanding them. That includes, they haven't help their bosses to earn a penny and yet they are asking the bosses for salary so that they can afford a good life. Once, a boss asked me during my interview, how much I am wiling to help him earn in a month. He, later told me he expect me to earn triple of what he paid me and he asked if I can do that. I was only asking for RM2,800.00. Can you help your employer to earn RM8,400.00 a month? Most graduates now a day asking for RM4000. Are you able to help your employer to earn RM12,000.00? Don't be selfish .. even in seeking a job.
- Application -
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Sometimes...
Sometimes or most of the time... I hope people that i am working with and rounds me be reminded always that I CANNOT read minds. It is harder to comprehend what they are talking about if they tend to contradict themselves with their words and/or the way they communicate with me. At one time, they told me they can get things sorted and then, they disappeared with the unfinished work for weeks.... I seriously cannot understand or read mind and I certainly do not want to make unsubstantial assumption. Are they incompetent? Or may be they are too busy? Or they cannot agree with me? Or when they said they can get things sorted but actually they can't? or I misunderstood what they told me in the first place? wait, or may be it is done? or ... at least to them it is and to me it is not? I mean hello? ... I can't read mind. When words / communication doesn't tally with actions, ... it stress me out. I am unable to comprehend and.... worse still if blames are put on me .... accusations and allegations are being pushed to me to justify. My reaction will be, "bloody hell, i don't even know what's going on in the first place, why me again? so now what to be solved again?"
so, ya... there's just too many of those people arounds me. Everytime i asked my clerk what happen to the matter, they will tell me.. and seriously usually it is done properly. But if it is not, the files sit on their table forEVER until i asked. Then they will say, "er, i think i can find out how to solve it". APPRECIATE that a lot. But hello...... if you don't mind , please fill me in the blank of what's happening first before you DECIDE to put on efforts to sort it. Simply because I am the one who needs to tell clients what's going on and I can decide better if that matter is URGENT OR NOT.
It's that frustrating when people try to NAIL you on the wall without telling you what's going on. Some people just somehow got angry (no idea why) on me and pin me on the wall and persecute me like nobody business. Lies and lies were communicated to me. Lies because words was told is never what actions shown and .. at the end of the day, I have PROBLEM trying to figure out which one is truth. I gave up entirely trying to understand and figure that out anymore. My brain is very occupied with works and studies these days. When text messages and emails or whatever it is are not being responded and all, I gave up completely on this so call 'communication'. If the person want to dwell in the miscommunication and being stuck inside a 'presumed communication', I have no duty nor power to stop it.
One of the danger of having depression is that, we are unable to control much of what we WANT to think. I put it as, all my thinking is WRONG and i need someone to verify it for me. So, in many times, i seek 'help' by asking people around me, if situation like this happen, etc... whether my reaction and my emotion are applied correctly. Of course, people we ask, needs to be those who can keep secret and those who are care enough to let us know what is right or wrong. In a way, for a period of time, i tend to listen to others more than myself as ai have completely lost confidence over my own decision and thinking. I was glad enough to found Dr Leonard who was so patience in listening to me and all my stories, even though to him, it has no value and benefit to him at all. Most of the time, he asked me to don't think about it, go talk to someone who i think will understand and try to listen to what they advise me instead. I soon realised, many do care but don't know how to help me and when I did asked for help, they are so willing to help. Some people, even though I scolded them, they just took it as it is and came back with chocolates and coffee and sit down and talk again. I really treasures those a lot.
So, speaking about cracking heads to understand our own 'thinking'... i have to admit that, not all my 'thinking' is correct. And i wish, everyone knows this fact too and learn from it too.
In gist, we can't read minds, not even our own mind....
- Sometimes ... -
so, ya... there's just too many of those people arounds me. Everytime i asked my clerk what happen to the matter, they will tell me.. and seriously usually it is done properly. But if it is not, the files sit on their table forEVER until i asked. Then they will say, "er, i think i can find out how to solve it". APPRECIATE that a lot. But hello...... if you don't mind , please fill me in the blank of what's happening first before you DECIDE to put on efforts to sort it. Simply because I am the one who needs to tell clients what's going on and I can decide better if that matter is URGENT OR NOT.
It's that frustrating when people try to NAIL you on the wall without telling you what's going on. Some people just somehow got angry (no idea why) on me and pin me on the wall and persecute me like nobody business. Lies and lies were communicated to me. Lies because words was told is never what actions shown and .. at the end of the day, I have PROBLEM trying to figure out which one is truth. I gave up entirely trying to understand and figure that out anymore. My brain is very occupied with works and studies these days. When text messages and emails or whatever it is are not being responded and all, I gave up completely on this so call 'communication'. If the person want to dwell in the miscommunication and being stuck inside a 'presumed communication', I have no duty nor power to stop it.
One of the danger of having depression is that, we are unable to control much of what we WANT to think. I put it as, all my thinking is WRONG and i need someone to verify it for me. So, in many times, i seek 'help' by asking people around me, if situation like this happen, etc... whether my reaction and my emotion are applied correctly. Of course, people we ask, needs to be those who can keep secret and those who are care enough to let us know what is right or wrong. In a way, for a period of time, i tend to listen to others more than myself as ai have completely lost confidence over my own decision and thinking. I was glad enough to found Dr Leonard who was so patience in listening to me and all my stories, even though to him, it has no value and benefit to him at all. Most of the time, he asked me to don't think about it, go talk to someone who i think will understand and try to listen to what they advise me instead. I soon realised, many do care but don't know how to help me and when I did asked for help, they are so willing to help. Some people, even though I scolded them, they just took it as it is and came back with chocolates and coffee and sit down and talk again. I really treasures those a lot.
So, speaking about cracking heads to understand our own 'thinking'... i have to admit that, not all my 'thinking' is correct. And i wish, everyone knows this fact too and learn from it too.
In gist, we can't read minds, not even our own mind....
- Sometimes ... -
Monday, February 15, 2016
Friend and selfishness
I do realised, there are people who tend to make sure they are close to certain people and that's all. They are not open to accept anymore new friends. They eliminated their friends and they tend to only accept some and rejected some. I am generally.... sees everyone i know as friend. I don't because of one of two people arounds me who think A is weird and bad and hence, I don't see A as friend. I always think, if B & C cannot regard A as friend, it's just B & C and I might be different and I might be able to click with A. I don't know.. I don't see friendship as that complicated.
It's always an issue of friendship and relationship when it comes to people. Ja seems not to happy to get along with L and L doesn't seems to like Jo and Jo doesn't seem to like P and P doesn't seem to like Ja and V and it goes round and round and round to a point, I don't know what truthfulness in friendship is.
I thought there will be people arounds me, who is really good and nice and truthful. Not until when I get along with others whom i thought the more the merrier, it makes a U turn over things. Everything collapsed and i am forced to either to choose A or B. I hate people pushing me to choose in between. I am not sure why friendship/relationship can be so complicated that one has to choose in between and not to get along TOGETHER. I love being a group or a gang of people. I hates being pushed to only get myself into a friendship with ONE single person. I don't know what's the benefit for me to have only one friend, in that case. I am definitely doesn't belong to anyone. Otherwise, I would have married by now (or may be i should then no one else can 'own' me). It's just weird that, for the past few months, just because one person cannot accept another person, I have lost a bunch of friends. Everything built for the past few years, if not months..... has collapsed and became NOTHING.
Weird but truth. I can only say, i am TIRED with all these non-sense. Enough of non-sense and it's time to move on. I guess, the principle remained. Living a life of my own is good. A peaceful and quiet birthday this year, with no celebration, lives as usual and eat a cake i choose for myself and finished half of it myself (going to finish all tonight), focus on my assignment and work and that's about it.
Life, as it goes older, getting more ridiculous. I don't know why it's my burden to bear their failure. No. Not that I don't love them. I love them too much until they took advantage of me i think. It's time to stop all these ridiculous issues and move on life without regret. Do what I like with people I like better will do. I can't bear selfishness.
Instead of more friends, I did end up with less these days because of selfishness and unwilling to love more. I think I will never get it. But I guess it's better now. It's always best to spend more time with old friends who came back from oversea, over the CNY. It reminds me I need to pay them a visit soon... hehe
- Friend and selfishness -
It's always an issue of friendship and relationship when it comes to people. Ja seems not to happy to get along with L and L doesn't seems to like Jo and Jo doesn't seem to like P and P doesn't seem to like Ja and V and it goes round and round and round to a point, I don't know what truthfulness in friendship is.
I thought there will be people arounds me, who is really good and nice and truthful. Not until when I get along with others whom i thought the more the merrier, it makes a U turn over things. Everything collapsed and i am forced to either to choose A or B. I hate people pushing me to choose in between. I am not sure why friendship/relationship can be so complicated that one has to choose in between and not to get along TOGETHER. I love being a group or a gang of people. I hates being pushed to only get myself into a friendship with ONE single person. I don't know what's the benefit for me to have only one friend, in that case. I am definitely doesn't belong to anyone. Otherwise, I would have married by now (or may be i should then no one else can 'own' me). It's just weird that, for the past few months, just because one person cannot accept another person, I have lost a bunch of friends. Everything built for the past few years, if not months..... has collapsed and became NOTHING.
Weird but truth. I can only say, i am TIRED with all these non-sense. Enough of non-sense and it's time to move on. I guess, the principle remained. Living a life of my own is good. A peaceful and quiet birthday this year, with no celebration, lives as usual and eat a cake i choose for myself and finished half of it myself (going to finish all tonight), focus on my assignment and work and that's about it.
Life, as it goes older, getting more ridiculous. I don't know why it's my burden to bear their failure. No. Not that I don't love them. I love them too much until they took advantage of me i think. It's time to stop all these ridiculous issues and move on life without regret. Do what I like with people I like better will do. I can't bear selfishness.
Instead of more friends, I did end up with less these days because of selfishness and unwilling to love more. I think I will never get it. But I guess it's better now. It's always best to spend more time with old friends who came back from oversea, over the CNY. It reminds me I need to pay them a visit soon... hehe
- Friend and selfishness -
Friday, February 12, 2016
Fighting
As usual, it's Chinese New Year and the news came that my brother and his family will be going home for Chinese New Year. I forgot how much frustration i can get whenever they are around. I once told myself, I should not stay with them more than 3 days, but I forgot all about it.
They came back for 5 days. Each time they are back, there's something we need to fix after they left. Last year was a new wok. I have to purchased a new wok for my mom because one of them don't know how to wash a non-stick wok and I seriously have no idea how it happen. This year, I suffer a total of 4 days without a proper shower head. Some bloody itchy hand does that obviously and it spoiled the shower head and it's just bad.
I am not trained or raised to do nothing and being SERVED. From my brother, it's already bad, but i did not know my sister in law is equally bad and so, the children is TERRIBLE too. The girl completely like a princess not knowing how to do a simple task and she never listen to anyone's teaching. She just want to be who she is. Seeking attention is all she knows and character is as bad as her mother. The son is better.... at least when I call him to get things done, he will get it done, properly. If he doesn't know how to do it, he will ask, listen and do it. Chinese New year to me is ... being a maid. Not that I do not want to help out my mom. But seeing my mom not having them around for meals sucks. They really treat it like a hotel. When they reach home, they go to their room and never shows up until they are about to leave the house for their 'enjoyable event'.
With all the assignment, tutorials and studies going on, I seriously feel very lonely and sad. I wasn't sure why I was in Tawau. Anyhow, guess not many realised, I didn't attend church. It's just not a place to be at anymore. It's time to move on seriously....
So, it is time to move on with assignment and all ... trying to finish all my tasks ... and disregards whether I do it well or not. The new system is not as good as previous one and I certainly don't know if i can pass this one. More so, this assignment is rather ... too much to chew and digest.
All I can say is, it's a challenging year ahead. Lord, have mercy on me!
- Fighting -
They came back for 5 days. Each time they are back, there's something we need to fix after they left. Last year was a new wok. I have to purchased a new wok for my mom because one of them don't know how to wash a non-stick wok and I seriously have no idea how it happen. This year, I suffer a total of 4 days without a proper shower head. Some bloody itchy hand does that obviously and it spoiled the shower head and it's just bad.
I am not trained or raised to do nothing and being SERVED. From my brother, it's already bad, but i did not know my sister in law is equally bad and so, the children is TERRIBLE too. The girl completely like a princess not knowing how to do a simple task and she never listen to anyone's teaching. She just want to be who she is. Seeking attention is all she knows and character is as bad as her mother. The son is better.... at least when I call him to get things done, he will get it done, properly. If he doesn't know how to do it, he will ask, listen and do it. Chinese New year to me is ... being a maid. Not that I do not want to help out my mom. But seeing my mom not having them around for meals sucks. They really treat it like a hotel. When they reach home, they go to their room and never shows up until they are about to leave the house for their 'enjoyable event'.
With all the assignment, tutorials and studies going on, I seriously feel very lonely and sad. I wasn't sure why I was in Tawau. Anyhow, guess not many realised, I didn't attend church. It's just not a place to be at anymore. It's time to move on seriously....
So, it is time to move on with assignment and all ... trying to finish all my tasks ... and disregards whether I do it well or not. The new system is not as good as previous one and I certainly don't know if i can pass this one. More so, this assignment is rather ... too much to chew and digest.
All I can say is, it's a challenging year ahead. Lord, have mercy on me!
- Fighting -
Monday, January 11, 2016
Selfishness!
It was a four lanes road with the most right turning to right or making a U turn. The lane next to it is to either turn right or go straight. Cars coming from afar would be able to choose their path accordingly. There's always a way to get you back to where you were suppose to go if you went into a wrong lane. i.e. if you are on the second right lane and you want a U turn, all you need to is to go straight and make a U turn in front instead. This particular of car is annoying. We all queue because somehow, KK people tend not to know how to make a U turn and it's always slow. This black car came all the way with speed, pass through a lot of car and trying to cut in to the right lane, where i was, from the second right. His intention was not known to me because the car was just right behind me and it's signal was in my blind spot. It turned without consideration, thinking I would have seen his signal and will obliged to allow him to cut in the lane. I went pass him, be it intentionally or unintentionally, it was MY lane and my turn. Without any consideration, he raised his horn and horned me. I was puzzled, brake and he horned again. I wonder, what sort of people this is.... he went into a wrong lane himself and yet, when people didn't give in to his way, he got angry with OTHERS ? Selfishness.
Some people somehow, made a mistake, and they thought by saying sorry and all that they did will be wipe away and all that responsibilities can now be shifted and handed over to others. I wonder how it works. Unless the person never understood how that mistake they made has caused others to feel and handle. Selfishness exactly. They only think about themselves. When things are not in their ways, there it goes, they put all the blames to others. They never put themselves into others shoes and think how others would have handle and now, what to do. Unfortunately, we human is not like a toy, we came with emotions, feelings, spirits and soul. We cannot mend things just by sawing it up.
There's something I am born with, which I guess not many would understand., that is NOT selfishness. The needs of others is what I usually noticed and took heart on. You can't force me or push me to NOT to attend to others need. And priorities goes to the one in need the most. It's something bad obviously. It's always others and not myself.
My mom was telling me she called my brother and scolded him for not updating her what's going on with him and his family, etc. and she said my brother replied her saying, he is born that way. Always only being selfish. True enough. He is and he always is. Hence, he always acted like a boss and in him, it is only him him him. I am just totally opposite.
However, after today, I have decided that, i will NOT bother much about him and his family needs. I will just answer " I am sorry, I cannot afford and I can't help much".
If I ever get depressed, it's going to be from the same reason, that is PEOPLE.
Speaking of selfishness, it is time to be selfish and treat myself better. Anything that hindrance me shall be pushed away completely.
- selfishness -
Some people somehow, made a mistake, and they thought by saying sorry and all that they did will be wipe away and all that responsibilities can now be shifted and handed over to others. I wonder how it works. Unless the person never understood how that mistake they made has caused others to feel and handle. Selfishness exactly. They only think about themselves. When things are not in their ways, there it goes, they put all the blames to others. They never put themselves into others shoes and think how others would have handle and now, what to do. Unfortunately, we human is not like a toy, we came with emotions, feelings, spirits and soul. We cannot mend things just by sawing it up.
There's something I am born with, which I guess not many would understand., that is NOT selfishness. The needs of others is what I usually noticed and took heart on. You can't force me or push me to NOT to attend to others need. And priorities goes to the one in need the most. It's something bad obviously. It's always others and not myself.
My mom was telling me she called my brother and scolded him for not updating her what's going on with him and his family, etc. and she said my brother replied her saying, he is born that way. Always only being selfish. True enough. He is and he always is. Hence, he always acted like a boss and in him, it is only him him him. I am just totally opposite.
However, after today, I have decided that, i will NOT bother much about him and his family needs. I will just answer " I am sorry, I cannot afford and I can't help much".
If I ever get depressed, it's going to be from the same reason, that is PEOPLE.
Speaking of selfishness, it is time to be selfish and treat myself better. Anything that hindrance me shall be pushed away completely.
- selfishness -
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