Loving myself?

I was reading this book while I was waiting in the airport this morning and it's about loving ourselves first to understand how to love people arounds you. Well, not that I do not love myself, but ... while reading the text in the book, I realise, I dont' really love myself after all. What a finding, huh? Well, immediately, I recalled a few of my friends who always nag me to go for a holiday. I guess they realise that need a holiday more than I do... well, what can I say? I wish I can go for a holiday too.... but I can't get my mind out of things that worries me.... hence, what's the point of going for a holiday?

O wait... I had a break... a one day plus break last weekend. I am travelling to places like Labuan (where I am at the moment), Kota Marudu, Kudat, Tawau, etc, etc... for the coming weeks. So, I am taking some break after all.... hehe...!!!

Loving myself? Well, I am trying very hard... to at least understand what I seriously wanted for now.....

p/s By the way, I am in Labuan now... hehe....

- loving myself? -

What do I want?

I really ponder over this question for a long time: "What do I want?" Friends? Life Partner? Money? Career? To be alone? Holiday? Works? Job? What do I want???????????

- What do I want? -

Where do I belong?

I went to renew my passport this morning after my court matter. I open my old passport and realise it is stated, my previous passport was issued in Tawau. The old passport however, was issued at Teriminal 2, Subang and this new one, is issued at Kota Kinabalu. 3 different places for the past 15 years? Hmm.... wait.... I think it is more than 3 places..... what a life, huh?

I always have the issue of 'home' for the past 15 to 18 years. I seems doesn't know where I belong to....

...

- where do I belong? -

What a memory...

Besides a cousin of mine posted some of our childhood pictures, a secondary school friends of mine also posted some of the secondary school time pictures on her facebook. I was tagged in one of the photos out of 30 of them... hahaha.. yes, and therefore, it reminded me how 'bitter' my life was during secondary school time. Many agreed that the most meaningful and happy moment in life would be during their secondary school time. However, that's not the case for me... Oh well... still, it's part of the memory for today and I am sure, it does have an impact in my life today.... good or bad? Hmm... mostly bad I must say... !!!! Ya...

- what a memory... -

Well...

Well..., whether you trust it or not, I am so so so busy for the past 3 days and I am feeling like my body doesn't belong to me.... so tired!!!! For the past few days, I even skipped lunch and toilet break... phew... well, busy and tired is my only expression now!!!

- well ... -

Trust?

I was always in the dilemma of knowing who tells the truth and who doesn't. Hence, I can hardly trust a person when he/she tells me something. Not good if that apply to my friends, huh? No wonder I don't really have friend.... Hence, I rarely affirm an affidavit on behalf of my clients these days.

I must assert that, it is hard to gain my trust. Lately, I just think, it's hard for me to trust myself anymore. I used to be able to trust my own memory and ability. Today I must say, I have lost that trust at least by 50%. I started to have difficulties in my memory lately. One who claimed to have never suffer much of headache has now suffering from it at least 3 times a week. Brain tumor as I once thought I am suffering from might be correct. Hence, when I was told I am not looking for solution, I admitted. I do not want to know the fact and I rather just die without knowing (if it is true). I am not bold enough to face the reality? I admit I am. I just don't trust the technology, the doctor, the medicine and everything else...

Except the Lord.... hence, I feel closer to God these days... then to anyone else! At least, He has never fails me and He sees me through all the seasons in my life. So, if He calls me home, I shall be delighted. NO NO NO... don't get me wrong. I don't want to die NOW lah. I WISH only. hahaha....

-trust? -

Divorce Matter? Litigation?

Well, I was in court this morning trying to get an injunction to stop the other party to transfer off his properties to another person. I never done a contested injunction before and hence, I was quite nervous. The judge however has been very nice and he has guided the counsels well I must say and of course, due to some 'discussion' earlier on with the opponent, we realise that something must have not been correct (I was told this is his first contested divorce case and I also being told he is nasty). Hence, I reserved my 'sharing' with him but well, he asked the Judge on certain issues and I guess he was wrong in his earlier finding and hence, he acted real nasty now towards me and my client. Of course, in a way, I got what I wanted. At least the Judge wanted the opponent to undertake not to transfer his properties to another person for the time being (interim injunction) until this injunction hearing is disposed of. However, I must reply his affidavit which was only filed and served on me yesterday at 13:15. I told the court I have to reply as there are too many 'allegation' which was not rebutted. Hence, I am rushing an affidavit to rebut the opponent's allegation and I am going to be putting EVERYTHING into it.

When I came back to office around 12 noon today, I saw another Defence put on my table, served by my opponent on another matter. The root of the case arosed from a divorce matter too and while I was reading the Defence, I was really sad to find out how many irresponsible man in this world. Hai... Well, another matter which I need to sort out within these 2 days. Hence, I am not going to Tawau for tomorrow's case. Glad that a wonderful friend is standing in the matter for me.

Just before I am finishing with this post, another matter came in with regards to a Pastor being cheated. I am doomed...!!!!

- divorce matter? litigation? -

A thought? Argument? Debate?

I am doing a research since a few days ago and I was stucked. Hence, I started my day with the research today as the hearing is tomorrow. As I was doing my research, my boss walked in and we chatted for a while on the same case and we were talking about the responsibility of a man towards his wife while his wife is still alive. As the conversation continues, the issue of vow came into my mind.

Many born having the thought that, marriage is part of the life and therefore, man is seeking for a women to show that they are successful in life as the important piece of 'element' in life is not missing and women, claims seeking to find their true love, one who love them and one who will be there to provide for their needs when they need it (hence, many arguments arosed when the man is not sensitive enought to know the needs of a women), etc. etc.

Somehow, many have not known the seriousness of the meaning of vow. Feeling is what many lies upon in a relationship and/or a marraige. Hence, sex is what many focus on. Due to the more relax view of sex in the world at this generation, many have thought, divorce, re-married, affairs, adultery are just fine.

As I was reading a few cases that I found this morning, I was reminded of the family law subject I took during my degree level (don't ask me why I choose to do that the subject though), where the issue of 'responsibility' was told by my lecturer. If you notice, from all the movies, series you have watched, you probably realised that women always have the rights to claim maintenance from the husband but it never possible the other way round. So to say, man has the financial responsibility towards their wife and children. No wonder many want to find a rich husband. hahahaha.... Well, I am not sure if this is one of the issue you will consider before you get into a relationship or you get into relationship merely on the basis that you love him/her.

I must say, I am working on a case where I try to claim any penny/sen (a rightful claim) towards a husband who because of another women, wanted to escape his responsibility towards his own wife. His claim however, is that he has 'paid' enough for the past 30 over years over their marriage. I am sure he has forgotten above the vow he/she made. Instead, they claimed they are in this 'new age' generation and therefore, they want a more 'open' way.

May I remind you. The vow you are about to take in future (if you have not make it yet), will be witnessed not only by the priest but also by all your friends and relatives and the vow you are making is your responsbility towards the other party for the rest of YOUR life. Not the other party's life. Hello? Do you understand this correctly? Yes... it is YOUR own responsibility towards the other party for the rest of YOUR own life.

I don't like cases on divorce petition, be it joint divorce petition or contested divorce petition. This particular one, I found is ridiculous when I was serving this Summons In Chambers to the respondent (the husband) where his new companion scolded me terribly saying that his wife (the petitioner) is unreasonable in her claim for maintenance as the respondent had already took care of her for the past 30 over years.

Due to what she mentioned, she actually gave me an idea. A better idea... to make a claim not only on what I already claiming, but also claim for EVERYTHING that my client (the petitioner) could. If the respondent think he has the right to escape his responsibility, he is WRONG. A man does not take a wife to shown how "successful" they are, or a man doesn't take a many wives to show how "successful" and "capable" he is. Do think of your responsibility towards your wife.

- a thought? argument? debate? -

Misunderstanding

I don't really like being misunderstood but somehow, due to my bad communication skills, people always misunderstood what I said or done and/or my intention. Well, I do understand it happen though... hence... *xian*

- misunderstanding -

Back

I am back to Kota Kinabalu at noon time today and I am feeling tired, exhausted and stressed. I walked in my office and realise, things changed... time to move forward and I am sure that's what we all wanted. I looks like everyone wanted to do conveyancing and yet, I am still enjoying litigation practices. hahaha... well, ... hence, I am not getting 'regular' pay....

Well, well, well... I was online with a friend and we discussed about my case yesterday. I just have to get it out and I cannot believe the court has somehow disappointed me. The decision of the SAR just too unreasonable and I just do not like how it was rulled. Well, life goes on ...

It's weekend. I don't feel like being in this space this weekend... hmm... !!!

-back-

Fight!

Praise God for everything that's on time and run smoothly this morning. Even though... I had a tough time fighting on my case for 20 minutes with this Senior Assistant Registrar and also my opponent. Seriously, I think I was at the lose party before I enter into the chamber but I argued till the end and what I get was an adjournment for 2 months trying to resolve this matter out of court. Well, I am sure Court is reluctant to make some bankrupt just like that. So, yes... I am learning this.... skills of my opponent of how he opposed things. He twisted the facts to the FULLEST! hahaha... Anyway, though tough, but I am at HOME!

I wanted to take a good afternoon nap since 1pm and yet, I am not being able to. Phone calls, sms... all came in.... what an afternoon....!!!! Yaaawwwwwnnnnnnn.......!!!!!

- Fight ! -

Home sweet Home!

My alarm clock sounds and I seriously hate that sound every morning. I look at the clock this morning and goodness.. it's really so early. 5am in the morning. I was reluctant to get up from my bed but yet, my brain received the signal of 'urgent! Need immediate reaction' signal and hence, my body started to move and I got up 7 minutes after that. I have a 7am flight to catch this morning for a 9am hearing at Tawau High Court. I am now at the airport typing this. Thanks to a friend who is kind enough to wake up as early as I was and sent me to the airport. I am sure she is in bed again upon reaching home, for another 1 hour 15 minutes at least. hehe...

Well, even though going to Tawau for work purposes, I however feel like spending some time with my parents which I have not seen for a month plus now. So, it's time to check them out, to see if they have any needs which I can provide for them. So, yes... I am taking tomorrow morning off from work too as I only be coming back to KK tomorrow at about 11am (thinking of bringing them for breakfast first mah... ). Hence... hopefully nothing bothers me after today's court hearing.

Yawn... as I did a bit of reading (4 cases and a submission), I only went to bed at about 1am (I had cell group meeting before that wo....and I only got those stuffs 5 minutes before I left office).

Hmm... it's about time to board now. Yyyyyyaaaaawwwwwwnnnnnn......

-Home sweet Home!-

Trust!

Ever wonder how much trust you have on a person? What's the maximum and what's the minimum? How much do you trust a traffic light? When the light turned green, do you ever doubt whether you should just go or will you doubt if the traffic light is malfunction or not? How much trust do you have on a close friend? How much trust would you put to your own client if you are me?

I seriously trusted some people very much and yet some, I don't trust at all. I remember months ago, there's this client instructed me to helped her in the job and I seriously trusted she will pay my bill because she did paid for the one piece of work I did for her previously. Hence, I trusted her. Well, I must say, she has yet to pay my bill until today. It's almost 3 months now. Another one, whom we in the firm know they always paid our bill and yet, this particular of bill, she has yet to pay me too.

So, when clients walked in to my office asked me to do work for them now a day, I always asked them to pay the deposit (used to be nominal, but not anymore). Just like this morning when a client walked in to ask me to sue someone for acted negligently in causing her dog died, I asked for a few hundreds just to send a letter out.

Don't get me wrong, I am not bothered very much by all these bills as the amount is really very small. Instead of the bill, I asked myself about trust. I suddenly realise I have very little trust on people arounds me. Some people I trusted, has certainly disappointed me, i.e. I trusted this so and so be able to handle this particular job well for me and yet, he/she didn't manage to even finish the job, not to say... to my satisfaction. Some people, I have trusted them by telling them things and yet, at the end fo the day, I only found out that, she has discussed my 'problem' with someone else. Betrayed? Hmm... that's such a strong word to use. But... I cannot really think of any word to replace it though. Well...may be not so of the real meaning of 'betrayal', but... may be just the feeling???

I cannot remember how hard it was for me to trust a person. I just happen to trusted some somehow and I hope, I really hope... I am not being disappointed... well, ... can't really control that can I? hahahahahaha...

I guess, what I need is to remind myself of the traffic light... of how much trust I have on a traffic light... and hopefully, I can build up my trust towards people arounds me. Yah?

- trust ! -