Praise the Lord!!!

Indeed! When I was still worry about things, my partner emailed me saying that we manage to secure another few files. So, we are quite save for next month's income. However, I should start getting some more cases in next month to secure income for July and the following months till I cease practice. hahahahaha....

I had a wonderful cell group time tonight. This guy from Sandakan with the age of 18 really released my stress tonight. His sense of humour is really good. hahahaha... thank you everyone!!! As tonight was my last cell group meeting with them, unbelievably they all turned up and it's 12 of them. We missed one who is in KK now but 12... hohoho... I am thrill. hahaha...

So, yes... I wll be spending my last night with my lovely bed tonight. I will need to move it to someone tomorrow evening. So, OH NO... I am going to miss my lovely bed.

Other than that... I am missing everything already. Goodness, tomorrow is my last day in the office. ... Last day to attend court matter in Kuala Lumpur. OH NO!!!!!! I can't believe it.

- MISS -

Did I hear or listen?

I was so caught up by emotions yesterday and that after my dinner with my friends; I didn’t even want to go home. Somehow, I told myself that I should sit down, start packing and get things organized. So, I went home, took my shower and I sat in front of my computer, trying to sort out things. I called my parents and yes, at the end I needed help from my parents. It is really not easy to ask help from parents especially when I should be doing the other way round for them now. If things did not go so unpredictably ‘wrong’ for the past few months, I guess I am still in good shape. Yes, I am blaming myself for being not too smart and always stuck while climbing every single steps of life. I just don’t like ME. As my parents, they are always supportive and encouraging. My mom has been saying that I should trust in the Lord. I was so down last night. Honestly, I was thinking of giving up. Even this morning while I was walking back from the court, I just feel that I like the court life here and I just feel like giving up the plan to go back to Sabah. So, I asked myself: Did I hear Him correctly?

Friends that I had dinner with told me that of what they saw happen to me for the past few months, they thought may be I am destined to be in Sabah. I don’t know because the decision is not easy to make. After a good 6 years in KL and worked here in 3 different companies/firms, my career network is established and I just feel so heavy to put them all down. While I saw at my table after talking to my parents, a friend from Taiwan say ‘HI’ in the MSN and continue to said , “God prompt me to pray for you. Is everything ok there?” Wow!!! Honestly it gave me a shock. Without me answering, she started to encourage me and even prayed for me. It’s like she knew exactly what’s in my mind. After we prayed, we then shared. That’s reminded me how wonderful a Godly friend is to me. Well, we went through a terrible life together in England. We shared, we prayed, we encouraged, we even cry together over things happen to us. And she just reminded me that we should do the same at all time, that’s to pray to Him and continue to trust His guidance. As of my previous experiences, I have started to pray for a spiritual friend to be around me when I reached KK. I really do.

Today is my second last day. I met a few people in court and auction today. All of them think I should give it a try no matter how and they think I should be fine. I hope so, really… I can’t BEAR the risk of failure at this point. Really!!!! I just hope thing goes well.

I have so much to worry about. I need to find out who can carry my guitar back for me (hand carry), who can carry my racket back for me, who send me to airport, who can help me to deliver things to my buyer, who can help me with some overweight luggage, whether I can survive, how to get client, etc. etc. A friend jokingly sent me a text / verse: Philippians 4:13. ha… yes, why would I need to worry so much if I trust the Lord?

Lord, forgive me for I have sins against you and against all fellow man in thought, word and deed.

Decision..

It is not an easy decision. Not only fear that govern me, but also worries and stress. Especially when I keep on calculating my bank account and found that I still need another few thousands in order for me to step the first step. It is really not easy. I really wish I have at least a few thousands more to back things up. Moving to a new place really means a lot. At a point, I wanted so much to sell my car. But, KK is not like KL. I do need a car to move around.

All these really bother me today. Hence, I am still wondering if I have made a correct decision. Mom is telling me that I need to trust His leading and guidance. Honestly, somehow I just find it difficult. I guess, if I am relying on my own ability, the answer for all these is surely = FAIL. So, I keep on praying for everything to works fine and well.

To be honest... I feel like screeming loud now...

I can't bear this kind of risk. I can't bear failure. I can't bear with all these really.... HELP ME, LORD!!!!!!

Distinguished!!!

I wanted so much to sleep during lunch time but my mind can’t stop thinking on 1) what else to do before I leave 2) who else to meet before I leave 3) Is this sort and how about that one? 4) Should I do this and that? 5) Can I survive next month? 6) Who to contact? 7) Is my apartment pretty? 8) Is my car all right? How about my Cargo(s)? 9) Who is going to carry my guitar for me 10) when should I deliver my bed and so on to my buyers and so on. Yes. I am seriously stressed!!!

I cannot recall when the time I had such fear was. I almost cannot cope with the amount of stress and fear I am facing now. I do not expect anyone would understand my current situation nor I expect anyone to give me a pat on my shoulder because Love, Joy and Peace as I mentioned earlier on exist rarely among those lives in this city.

I wanted so much to have a break. Well, if you do not know, I never have a day of leave. I took 1 year (2000) to do my CLP course. Thereafter in 2001, I worked and study part time at the same time. In 2002 until 2004, I worked in a company with 18 days of leaves, but every year, I took about 1 month unpaid leave together with 18 days of my entitlement for my revision and exams. As a pupil in 2005, I was not entitled for a single day of leave. Until today, I have not taken any single day leave. Ha…!!! Now, I can’t afford to have even a half day leave. My last day will be this Friday and my first day at work is on next Monday, in a totally unfamiliar city. I still remember the last time where I was in such a situation was from my previous company to a law firm. I remember I wanted so much to cry in the office during my first week with the firm. I had so much difficulty handling my own emotions and psychologies. Now, I am entering into a more challenging situation, ie. from a very familiar place to a totally unfamiliar place.

I do not blame those who did not want to help me to get through all these, but I do find it difficult to tolerant those who saw me half dead and still take advantage of me, not to ease their pain, but to make themselves feel more comfortable. For this kind of people, I shall from now on consider them as my ‘pain’ and not friend.

People said only during your difficult times that you will see who is treating you with their heart. I have distinguished well now who is for real and who is not just within a short 4 weeks time. I guess it is time for me to place my ‘pain’ away from my mind. Thank goodness I only have one or two of those ‘pain’, compare to numerous of them who are my friends.

During these few weeks, I thank God for those who helped me to sort out things, to pray for me, to cheers with me, to comfort me, to keep me busy, to spent time with me, to encourage me, to advice me, to educated me, and so on even though you have to ‘sacrifice’ certain thing, time, event just for me. I thank God for you. I know I can count on you when I need help.

For my friends, do continue to pray for me. I need strength to go on. I need strength to move on. I need wisdom to run the business and to co-operate with my partner. I need clients, I need good friends, I need time to serve the Lord and I need good health for all the above. So, yes … Lord, have mercy on me!!!!

Just to keep you posted on the Professional Indemnity Insurance matter. My immediate boss took the step to talked to the management to reduce the sum so that I do not need to reimburse them any further and that’s mean, I still need to pay them, but I do not need to pay another RM500 extra, out of my pocket. Although it didn’t serve the purpose (I still lose my whole month’s wages), but I appreciate what he did. Some of you, I know you joined me in prayer pertaining this matter. So, praise the Lord!!! At the same time, I had a talk with Bar Council and the Insurance Company. They have yet to reply me (I am sure it takes a few months) but I do plan to visit them again tomorrow to check out the progress. I hope a full refund will be given by the Insurance Company. Do continue to join me in prayer.

Situation?

It was about a month ago that my housemate told me that someone will take my room. I do not know that fella. I just know him by his name. However, thereafter I always have this thought that this fella will be taking up my room until yesterday where I was told by my housemate’s boyfriend that the fella might not want the room. I was shock at first, but what I can do? I had a wonderful game with the Chinese congregation yesterday evening and thereafter, the English congregation for dinner and snooker. (You know how poor I play snooker from my previous blog, but I enjoy it! ) Well, I had a wonderful day yesterday. Hehehe…


Just about an hour ago, I received an SMS from my housemate confirming that the fella has confirmed taking my room and I was asked to make arrangement with the fella with the deposit. Wow, wow, wow…. First, I didn’t even know who that fella is. Secondly, why am I supposed to deal with him directly? That’s the first questions came across my mine. But, I did anyway by sending an SMS to the fella. He called me back and he told me that he can only pay me the deposit by next month. Honestly, for a moment, I am not very happy about it because of the true meaning of ‘deposit’ came across my mine. See, my housemates used to told me that they are exercising the ‘First come First basis’ as in, whoever pay the deposit first, they got the room. Now, with what they just did, don’t you feel like they are slapping their own mouth / face? Anyway, nothing much I can do about it. I can’t say: “If you don’t pay, you don’t move in”. Can I? I am not the chief tenant le…. And the chief tenant asked me deal with him. So, how should thing goes about? I am truly confused. This is really procedural error. I wonder if they will allow him to stay next month now. Besides, will I be getting my deposit back? How? When? You see, I do not know that fella at all. How much trust can I place on him? I am a lawyer. I take things like this cautiously.

I guess, everyone has a ‘situation’. My housemate claim that she is busy this week and that she couldn’t deal with these entire things and after all I am sure what sticking out her mind is that, all these has no relations with her although she and the other housemates of mine signed the contracts.

The fella also claims that he has a ‘situation’. That he has no money now and can only pay me end of this month.

But can someone understand MY SITUATION? I am busy this week as this is my final week in KL and I have to came out with RM2,400.00 for the stupid firm insurance policy thingy all over a sudden (out of budget) which led me not only lose my whole month wages, but also to add in RM500.00 for it and that I need to ship my car and other belongings (RM2,300.00) and pay my apartment deposit (RM1,700.00) by 29.05.2006? I have been thinking during the lunch time of how selfish this world is or rather, how realistic this world is. I feel like just demanding for the deposit NOW from whichever party.

Sometimes, I think those who signed the contract didn’t really know what responsibility they have unless or until problem arose. One simple example, they have not renewed the contract. So, they are basically living as licensee. They didn’t even know the differences between a tenant and licensee but they do claim that they are the intellectual whom always busy with their so called, ‘high profile’ jobs.

I am not criticizing. I am just feeling a bit difficult to breathe over things that were put on me this whole week. God is certainly making fun of me. I guess I really need to get out from this place. I can’t stand anymore. What I meant are not exactly my housemates. I hold them dearly always. What I mean is this ‘machine’ that shaped EVERYBODY who stays in it into a different human being. People who are staying in this ‘machine’ changed the lifestyles, attitudes, characters and thinking overnight. I am glad that I am leaving this place even though I need to suffer so much before I leave. I truly do not want to be shaped as one of those.

People are losing their Love, Joy and Peace by living in this ‘machine’. What they can think of is what they want. Selfish world, isn’t it? I know, I know… In order to survive well in this world we do need to be one of that machine’s creations. I guess everyone has choice. I just choose to let all these go and live a life that’s with God’s approval instead. Even though I am sure I won’t be rich by this or I won’t be KNOWN by the world.


God, have mercy on me!!!!

I am a doom!!!

If SATURDAY is the only day you can wakes up late, you are very blessed person because I do not even have Saturday. Every Saturday, I woke up by gas stove, or noise in the kitchen, washing machines, doors and other noises at about 8am. Even with me putting 2 notices to ask for mercy from anyone who might cause any noise to let me sleep a little bit more, I still being woke up at 8:30am.

See, that’s what I call selfishness. Considerate and tolerant probably were what they had in mind. May be they thought I am inconsiderate with their situation as they do need a cup of coffee at 8am. But, If that’s the case, I do not mind if they considerate doing their coffee a little bit more quiet. If you are considerate enough, why can’t they let me sleep earlier? Ops, did I just blame them? Let me give you a scenario. I went to bed at 10pm and they can woke me up at 12pm by bringing friends, closing the door with all their strength, washing their clothes with the washing machine that’s just less than 1 meter from my ears and some others, will LOVE to make noise by 8am. And what impressed me is that, they still claim I am not considerate. I admire their imagination. Haha…

May be this is a family background thingy or may be they are just like that. Well, may be I should blame my parents for bringing me up in such a good way. I don’t know. I do not want to blame any party. May be it is really all right to be selfish and inconsiderate. May be I should just do the same to whoever in whatever situations. May be I am the odd one. May be I was born wrongly. May be I shouldn’t be nice at all. Oh, wait… ‘nice’. Hmm… am I nice? Hahahaha…. How to define? Hahahahaha…

Ok. Like what my dear friend said: I am a doom. Hahahahahaha…..

What a feeling I am having...

Argggg.... I am feeling rather awkward at this very moment. I can't explain... it must be because all my belonging will be collected by the shipping company tomorrow morning. The fear of losing everything again really made me feel a bit nervous and difficult to place my trust on the shipping company.

Just in case you wonder what happen to me. It happen about 6 years ago when I trusted this shipping company, "Cargo F" to ship all my belonging to Malaysia from England. My housemates in England knew how much efforts I put on packing. She even helped me with sealing the boxes and so on. It's truely 2 heavy and huge boxes. It contains all those I have with me for 3 years in England. I trusted "Cargo F" because my friends also shipped their belonging back to Kota Kinabalu a few months ago and things reached them in very good condition. Hence, I trusted no other shipping company except this one.

I still remember I was still in bed when my mother called me. With a very serious tones of voice, I know she has BAD news for me. I didn't expect it's my belonging that I shipped from England. My mother is a very brave and straight forward person. But she was so afraid that I cannot accept the fact that she spoke very very slowly. YES. The cargo arrived in Malaysia, but while the agent in Malaysia was trying to ship to Sabah, they dropped the cargo into the sea in Johor. I honestly do not believe what this agent, "Agent SU" told me. I knew they didn't want to ship it back to Sabah. If that is the case, they should have told me. But they did sent me newspaper report and so on. If you wonder if I manage to claim insurance, well... I guess I have to tell you that "Cargo F" wound-up. So, after several attempts trying to call them to check on the insurance thingy, I failed to locate them at all. I asked my friends and aunt in England to locate them, at least one of the director, we just failed. So, in one minute, I actually lost EVERYTHING. Hmm... I know you won't be able to understand the exact feeling that I was and am having. I can hardly explain either... But what I can tell you is that, it's not easy to handle. I have lost too many things.

So, if you ask me about shipping this round, I am truly afraid...

Well, ... not that I have any other solution. So...

- ??? -

Mind Wandering...

OH YES!!! My mind wanders the whole morning because I do not have a single thing to do this morning. I wanted so much to take an MC (Medical Certificate) this morning but I am not sick. So, I ended up forced myself to get up from my comfortable bed. Came in the office knowing that I do not have a single thing to do honestly is very ‘stressful’. My big boss is just sitting next to me; the office manager is sitting right in front of me and imagines, I have NOTHING to do. …. Goodness, I am counting every minute.

What I ended up doing? I tried to sort out a bit of the letterhead of my firm, the Envelopes, the cash and cheque payment vouchers, court attendance memo, and also the accounts. I took about 3 hours for the above and now, I am done. So, I am ultimately feeling BORED!!!!

It is about lunch time. My stomach is feeling a bit ‘empty’ but I have not a single idea what to eat as there is no place for food near my office.

A friend called to tell me she is buying some of my belonging. So, my Hi-Fi, Bed and TV are sold. The remaining is as follows: -

1. Writing Table (wooden, self-assemble) RM 60.00
2. Wardrobe (wooden, self-assemble) RM 60.00
3. Mattress (King Koil) RM150.00
4. 3 tiers Cupboard X 2 RM 10.00
5. 3 tiers Cupboard (good quality, white colour) RM 10.00
6. Bamboo Mat (Medium Size) RM 20.00
7. Table Fan (National, light blue) RM 50.00

Discount will be given to whoever takes 2 items and above. Trust me; all of the above items are in very good condition. Delivery can also be arranged.

Wow… I have another 15 minutes to decide what to eat. Honestly, I just don’t feel like having lunch with any of my colleagues. Hmm… may be I should go to a bread house and get some buns instead.

Tomorrow, this firm is having a High Tea at Park Royal at noon time. I am supposed to go as it is suppose to be a farewell for 4 of us who are leaving the firm. Well, I just don’t feel like going. In additions to that, someone is coming to collect the boxes tomorrow morning. So, I am praying and hoping that they come late and I missed the High Tea unintentionally.

Tonight, I need to pack and at the same time, friends are asking me to join them for dinner at 7:30pm at Nikko Hotel. OH NO….!!!!

Hmm…. I have so many friends in KL and I am so familiar with life and shops, and places here and now that I am leaving all these … my heart felt so burden. Anyway, I have made the choice, and I do not want to give up now.

Will I be able to survive after I go back to KK? Nothing seems certain for now. God, have mercy on me!!!

Missing...

I went to court this morning and was stuck there by rain. Thank goodness I met a few friends. Otherwise, I would have to sit at the canteen alone for hours.

Well, what caught my attention today was the issue of leaving for KK. I have about 9 days left in KL. I am thinking where else I haven’t been and wanted to go, what are the food I want to eat and haven’t eaten, who are the people I want to meet and haven’t met. I went out with 2 friends last night. They were the closest friends I had when I first return from England. I still remember I was still staying in S.E.A Park then and I do not have a TV and other entertainment, like computer and internet. Therefore, I always visited their house. They always welcome me. We share, we talk, we enjoy all those moment until I moved to Sunway. Although we seldom meet, but whenever we get around, we are like before and I truly enjoy the fellowship we had last night.

Every people I am meeting these few days reminded me that I might not see them anymore. Well, no one can guarantee that they will be with someone forever, except the Lord!!! What I can say is, I will miss all these good memories but I will not forget all of it, just like I never forget my life in England. I just feel down whenever I thought of leaving soon. I knew things in KL so well and it is just like MY PLACE. I feel so BELONG to this place and now I am leaving it and moving to a strange place. Wow!!! People are telling me that it is a matter of choice. I guess I took the risk instead of just happy, peaceful life. I hope this is a good move. Otherwise, I am wasting everyone’s time and money. That’s what stresses me out so far!!!! Well, I will only know the fact after I started everything.

Goodness, I started to miss my nephew and niece.

I am missing the cinema, I am missing my housemates (although we always fight), I am missing the church ministries, I am missing the courts, I am missing driving fast in KL, I am missing nice, relaxing places, I am missing nice food, I am missing basically everything except this firm. HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

So, .. all my friends is asking me to stop doing their work or finish work on time. I guess I am now as there are 2 files on my table that need urgent attention and I just don’t feel like doing it as they have already deducted my salary. Hahahahahahahahahaha… !!! Let their client sue them, I don’t care. Hahahahahahaha….

Anyway, I thought to myself that those incident that is impossible to happen to others will not mean it is impossible to me. What I gone through and going through are and were very extra-ordinary. Sometimes I did ask God why did all these happen to me.

- Missing -

Challenge I

2 issues caught my attention today (17.05.2006) after I sent my little blue to North Port in the morning.

Firstly, the firm that I am with is asking me to indemnify them the sum of RM2000++ being the payment for the Professional Indemnity Insurance and Practising Certificate they paid for me earlier. I can understand they actually came out with the money for me and at first, I thought it is the normal practice of every firm. Hence, I didn’t make noise about it. Not until a friend told me I shouldn’t pay for it as the Insurance is suppose to cover the firm and not me. I was confused then by the policy and so on. So, I decided to do a research on it. I asked all my ex-bosses and friends who had the experiences of leaving a firm when they didn’t finish the whole year service with their previous firm. I found out that, they didn’t need to pay a cent for it. So, one of my friend actually told me that it is the discretion of the firm. I suppose it is. So, what I can tell now is that, since they deduced my salary, I am telling myself, I am not going to be so nice to them anymore. Honestly, I should have just given the firm 24 hours notice and left (since this is what they call, their office policy). They didn’t appreciate what I did and why should I appreciate them?

When I was told that I need to reimburse them around RM2000, my heart keep on asking myself if I did the right choice. I text my dad and what I got the answer from him is that, do I want to let go of the opportunity or to let go of the RM2000. I guess, it is really not money issue, it is the principle that I am holding on. I do not want to pay for NOTHING. Well, …. What can I do? They made me pay them already by deducting my salary.

A few hours later, after much thought, I had this thought that I am glad that I am leaving this “kiam siap” (stingy) firm and KL. I guess it is really time for me to leave.

While I was thinking and feeling excited about leaving KL ….

Second issue came by the mouth of a good close friend telling me that she received information about my partner in KK. Those who used to work with her didn’t really like the way she works and they think she knows nothing and she is lazy. Not accountable to what she does and she is not good in her work. I was shock at first when I heard it. I can’t deny the fact because all those who told her, are also my friends and they sent their concern to me and asked me to be careful.

If you ask me, OF COURSE I am worry. But I also thought of the 2nd option if this partnership doesn’t work well. That I might join some good firm in KK or Tawau. My point is, … I want to go back to Sabah and practice in Sabah. Don’t ask me why. It is just a feeling that it is time to leave KL. So, let’s try the partnership first before anything else. May be I am the only one can work with her? I will never know until and unless I try it. So, I am ready for a big try like this. What say you?

Doubt!

I was driving my little blue car to work this morning. While I was on my way, I was telling my little blue car that today is it's last day operating in Kuala Lumpur. It's so difficult to deal with this kind of feeling and emotion today. All over a sudden, I can feel that I am leaving VERY SOON. I walked to the Sessions Courts and I met a few people. We talked, we shared our opinion on certain issues we faced, we joke around, we went for a drink. I feel everything is 'MINE' here. But in fact, I am leaving all these behind me in less than 2 weeks. I suddenly wonder in my mind if I really want to do this.

In the afternoon, I asked my boss to sign my leave application form so that I can send my little blue to Port Klang tomorrow morning. My boss gave me a shock my saying I might need to pay about RM2000++ to the firm for the Professional Indemnity Insurance they bought under my name, for the firm. I went to see the manager and I was so shock when she told me that I do need to reimburse the RM2000++ to the firm. There and then, I questioned myself again if what I am doing is really what I should.

I hate element of suprise, more so, this is really shocking and unexpected. All my friends told me because the insurance is meant to cover for the firm of whatever negligence I caused. Hence, I shouldn't pay for it. But I don't think that's the understanding that this firm has about Professional Indemnity Insurance. I was so worried. I almost wanted to give up. But then, I asked myself, does RM2000++ can destroy my future and I found the answer is negative. So, I took out my budget and re-calculate everything for next month. After a good 30 minutes calculation, I think I should be fine even if they want to take my RM2000++, which to be honest, I hope they have MERCY upon me. Well, NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE in Him, my God and Father!!!

So, yes... I have decided to stay on with my plan. Will send my little blue to Port Klang tomorrow morning. I did had 2 worries before all these. 1) that I will lose all my belonging again (in case you do not know, I lose all my belonging when I shipped them from UK in 2000). 2) that I do not have car to use for 2 weeks. However, God gave me peace about shipping all my belonging and 2) that a friend lent me one of her car. I was telling my other friend that this friend of mine is really a blessing to me since I know her. She is really a God-sent blessing!

- blessing -

UNBELIEABLE!!!

Too many unbelievable things happen today.

1) My car is leaving me in less than 48 hours;

2) I am leaving less than 2 weeks time;

3) My internet is down AGAIN;

4) I am so busy in the office these few days;

5) I start missing everything here in KL now... especially people!!!;

6) I was told by a friend that the WHOLE TAWAU knows about me moving to KK; and

7) My ex-colleague / friend / sister in Christ is lenting me one of her car for 2 weeks.

UNBELIEVABLE! Life is just so unpredictable!!! How can one claim that life is not interesting? I can't imagine life is so stable and easy. I won't like that kind of life. So, what else can I say besides, giving thanks to God?

Thank you, Lord...

Hypocrite!

Well, I was recently met one. Why did I say the person I contacted is a hypocrite, it's all because she claim herself as Christian, has Christian conduct and yet caused pain to people, especially a church.

It was in Janaury 2006 that our church think we should support this Recreation and Training (hereinafter referred to as "R & T") center which was under the name of a reputable bible seminary. We therefore contacted the said R & T for more information. We took the efforts to visit the said venue and we met someone in the R & T who gave us information of all that we needed. We were quite happy about our decision. ... well, only for a while.

We contacted the said R & T for a various occassion and on our second and third contact, we were assigned to see someone else instead of the first person. We were then still very happy with things. We paid the deposit and even booked another dates for another event of ours.

Things did't went so well when the 1st 2 persons we contacted were not contactable. We were informed to see the 'person in charge', the 3rd person, the Hypocrite I called. She makes things so complicated. She twisted the truth. She broke the promises of all that the 1st 2 persons had promised. She even blamed us for her poor management set up and so on. What was really switch my anger was that she claimed that she's a good christian and she even claimed that we never deal with a big resort organisation before. I was kind of angry because if it is not because of her existence, everyone would have been in a good condition and we will be happy. That's why I call her a HYPOCRITE!!!!!!

She made is a point as if we know nothing about contract. I was about to confronted her with all the rules and law in this country.

Honestly, I look down on this kind of person 100%.

However, although I think we can confronted her with many things, but we do not want to do that because we just want things to get over. We want to enjoy the camp. After all, she is a Hypocrite, but we do not want to be one.

Now that we all suffer from her words and broken promises, we really hope things goes well for the whole 3 days and 2 nights camp. I am personally not involved in this camp thingy, but since her 'existence', I am dragged to deal with her because she is too too too difficult and she is unreasonable, dishonest and overall, HYPOCRITE!!!!

- Next time when you realise you are hypocrite, do not say you are a christian, please... -

Missing...

As I am leaving KL in 2 weeks time. Everything is like a 'war' to me. Condition in my room is like where a dog sleeps. Things to settle is still in progress. Shipping of car and stuffs is in the progress. Thank to a friend who is working in a shipping company. Packing is still in progress. Things to be done here is still pending. Everything is still in 'progressing' stage. However, friends, church members, colleagues are already asking me when to leave, whether to meet for meals before I go, etc. Of all these, I started to sit down and thing what happen for these 6 years of life here in KL. Memories flashes, and I started to realise that there are 2 persons whom I will definately miss the most.

For some reason, me and this housemate of mine talk to each other very rarely. It all started since last year due to a simple and yet hurting misunderstanding. After a long while, we both know that we didn’t put hatred in our heart against the other party, but we just keep the distance. With that, less conflict occurred. We both grew up in a totally different environment. It was the growing up process that made her to have some unique characters. She is really smart, independent and very rational in her thinking and actions.

I still remember I went to her house for Chinese New Year visitation when I was very young. I guess I knew her around that age. Later, we were in the same secondary school and same church fellowship. Thereafter, we went apart for a few years and we met again in Tawau when I came back from England. Knowing that I am going over to KL, she asked me to look for an accommodation for her and since then, we were in the same church. I moved to stay with her and another good friend about 3 years ago, after my CLP exams and when I first joined Rockwills Corporation Sdn. Bhd. From then, we had some really good time and memories together. I cannot find Genting Highland to be so much fun, laughter and joyous moments without her and her cell members. It was really my best time which I will never forget. We had many dinners and meals together. We had a few deep sharing and even arguments. I treasure them all. I guess good friends develop like that.

Besides her, of course is my other wonderful good housemate. She has been around even since my lonely time in Tawau until now. I used to influence her in her life, but since I came back from England, she has been a really good supporter, encourager and good friend. Disregard my unhappiness, my fierce look, my bad temper, she will just knock and interrupt me and my thought to make me feel better. I can say, she is a true friend.

And I am going to miss both of them who are so dearly to me.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


When I am thinking of all these, this truth of “everything will fade away” placed in my mind. Yes, everything will fade away except the love of Christ. Now I remember why didn’t I feel so bad and miss when I left England. It’s that I always focus on the Lord, trusting Him to bring me to the BEST place so that I can do my BEST for Him. It’s always easier to move to a place where you have friends and family. But I also went through a ‘moving process’ whereby I was all alone by myself but it was so peaceful and without fear. Because my only purpose that’s in my mind was just to study and I trusted the Lord 100%. I mean 100%. When my mind ponders up till this point, I am thinking once again if I have trusted the Lord 100% in this. Honestly, on my way to work today, I am quite sure that all these are from the Lord. I am so strongly being convicted since last night during my prayer that He arranged all these for me.

- I will miss you both very much -

OH NO...

YES.. OH NO!!!!!! I passed the resignation to my boss today and I saw him brought it to my BIG BOSS. I am sure I will be asked to see the BIG BOSS soon. Well, after my court duty today, I have NOTHING to do. I mean... NOTHING!!!! It's such a waste of time. Goodness...!! And my life will be like that for the next 2 weeks. ...

Meanwhile, I am trying to figure out a few matters. For example, the partnership agreement, what to pack, how to do my shipping, what to buy before I go ( well, mostly clothes as I gained weight when I was back home then and I do not have many clothes) and so on. Well,.... BORING period!!!!

I finally told my ex-boss that I am leaving. He said it could be the work that I am doing now as he knows that I do not like purely banking litigation. Well, he is correct in a way. I don't feel challenging and I do not feel that I am learning. He is so kind to ask me to join him for lunch some time next week before I leave. I hope to get some advice from him either. Hmm... !!! Although he is not my Master by record, but he is really my master as he is teaching me almost everything in this professions. I really thank God for him.

Well, ... life...!!!!

What an experience!!!

It was really a relaxing, enjoyable and full of challenging weekend. From Friday till Sunday, I managed not only to pack my stuffs, but also to secure myself an apartment in KK, play with my nephew and niece, get some of my serious business done (ie. Partnership agreement) and also spent time with friends with drinks, playing badminton, etc. Ghoosh… I am going to miss them and the life here. In fact, I am missing already.

I wanted to get my spectacles repaired yesterday (spoiled by me and my nephew) and it’s then I met a terrible encounter with the police force. My friend and I parked our car at this parking space happily. But when we returned, there’s a car blocked our way. We horned for some good 15 to 20 minutes and no owner came to our rescue. We asked those shop keepers and no one seems to even seen who’s the driver suppose to me. I saw that the car was unlocked, I asked the two shop keepers to help me to push the car aside, but they refused. Well, I tried to open the car and realize, not only the car was unlocked, but the hand break was released. I therefore thought, it’s probably a stolen car or a car which was used for crimes. I called the police. The police said we shall wait. That’s make me a bit angry. I walked my way to the nearest police station which was just about 3 minutes walk away and upon my entry, 3 policeman told me they are too busy to entertain my case. I was then told to leave the police station and wait at where my car is. Of course I didn’t try to threaten them that the car might have BOMB or something like that although I feel like. I left with my anger. I told myself if this matter is not resolved in 20 minutes, I will definitely going to lodge complain against the police station and also all those who were on duty that afternoon. While I was on my way walking, I saw a police car. I stopped the police car and notified them about my situation. They still ask me to WAIT by saying; they will have to go back to Police Station FIRST. Knowing the attitudes of the police officers in that police station, I angrily said, I need this matter to be solved NOW. They were quite shock with my reaction but I continue and said, I have notified them and also the head office in PJ. I walked my way out from their faces and to my car. The police office came back quite soon. He came back wanting to summons the car, but he didn’t do it. I asked him why. He gave me all sorts of invalid reasons like, ran out of summons paper in his summons book and so on. I waited there and he was trying to ask me to leave but I refused saying that I shall wait until he summons the car otherwise, I will complain on his unperformed duty being a police officer because I was the one who made the complaint. He let me wait. After about 25 minutes of waiting, he told me that he can’t summon the car and the owner simply because he doesn’t know the name and Identification Number of the car owner. Can you believe such a ridiculous excuse? YES. This has shown the competency the police force in Malaysia. I can’t wait any longer. They pushed the car away and I left the place with laughter. So, Malaysia, who always claim they are the ‘developing’ country, has a police force that is so incompetent? Of these, can you tell me how much you rate your trust on this so called ‘peace making body’?

1st Move

04.05.2006

9:00am till 1:00pm

I was sitting at my desk doing NOTHING. I mean, NOTHING.

2:30pm

I saw my boss came back from court and without waiting for long, I went to his room with all my transport and parking claim and thereafter I told him that I am leaving this firm. He acted so calmly and said, it is alright to leave if opportunity is there. After all, Sabah is your home town. Well, as I never was given any offer letter, I asked him how long I should give him notice. He said it should be with immediate effect. Then he asked if I can stay till end of the month. Obviously, that’s my purpose of telling him today. Everything seems ‘simple’ to him but actually, not to me.

2:35pm

My boss went in to my BIG BOSS room and told her that I am leaving end of this month.


2:45pm

My colleague/senior came to me and jokingly said: ‘The whole “C” port folio’s military died” and we both laugh because when we talk about this last week, I was the ‘survivor’. But now, not even a single one survived. Well, now I assume that everyone in the office knew what happen.

2:50pm

I am checking out how much I need for this whole MOVE. Painfully, I need to use so much money and I need to make sure that this business is going to be successful.

3:00pm till 5:00pm

I first SMS my previous secretary at my previous firm to ask her about how much we need to pay for the insurance and thereafter, checking if my insurance here with this firm can be transferred to my firm in Sabah. I am still researching on the prices and consider all possibilities.

I SMS my dearest dad and mom telling them that I have told my boss and I might need their help, financially as the boss was telling me that I need to bear the Practising Certificate and Professional Indemnity Insurance which was paid by them earlier. SMS received confirming that they are fully supporting me that bought me delights.

I SMS my partner telling her what happen and she suggested that I should ask the insurance company and see what I can do to minimize my expenses.

I SMS my dear cousin to ask her if she and her husband mind if things and car shipped to their address first if I cannot find any place by then. They agreed.

5:00pm

I am sitting at my desk with only one file on my table. Boss has left and I am waiting for a few more Letter of Demand to pass it to me for signing. Thereafter, I am sure I can leave.

6:00pm till 6:15pm

One senior lawyer and my office manager were asking me about my resignation. Now, I am quite sure that the whole office knows about the news.

Just a down feeling...

I was feeling so down since this morning. Didn't feel like going to the office at all. Feel like taking an MC and stayed at home. I was bother by the fact that I do not have sufficient experience in the law professions to entitle me to apply for be the Bank panel lawyer or the trustee company panel lawyer. Although I always thought if they are not going to give me works, I shall take works from them, but it nevertheless make me feel a bit down. Until I met my dad in the MSN and had a short talk with him. He reminded me that he did this kind of decision once and it was a good decision. He continue to said that I wouldn't know if I didn't take the step to do it first. I believe it is true.

You know what? Wherever I go, who ever I met, which ever road I passed by, this question "Will this be the last time?" came into my mind. I guess I start missing this place, this comfortable life already. I can't recall this happen when I was about to leave England. I miss England so much and the life there so much, but I didn't feel burden to leave England. I do not know the exact reason, but I do know that I keep on telling myself that 'I will be back here soon'.

During these 6 years in KL, I builded up my life, my career, my friends, my networks, my contacts here. KL is more like 'MY TOWN'. I went to court and I will certainly met someone I know. I walked around the streets and I certainly will meet someone I am familiar with. I need help, I just need to take out my handphone and press a button. When I need comforts, encourgment, I just need to speak out and someone will be here to consult, comforts and encourage me. I go everywhere I like with my little Blue car and I am so familiar with every corner of this town/city. It is so difficult to leave everything behind and leave.

Moreoever, going to a totally strange place. For those of you who knows me well, may I ask for your opinion if this is a 'training' from the Lord?

Anyway... I am missing....................... LIFE in KL!!!

Mixture of feelings!!!

It was a busy, tiring but joyful weekend. I was so busy to get things done, get my car fixed, get my body to rest, meeting up with some friends during the weekend. On Sunday, I was amazingly BUSY. Play bass guitar in the service, then met 3 friends for meal, then meeting (welfare committee), then preached in the children ministry, then do a translation, went home for 30 minutes, took my shower then go back to church for leaders’ training. Monday, it was supposed to be a holiday but I woke up at 8am and went to a friend’s place to hand her something also to fill up some forms. Went back home for 1 hour (pack my McDonald breakfast back) and then prepared myself for one best friend’s wedding at 11am. After the wedding, went home and I got myself ready for my church’s family games day. It was a fantastic games day. The whole church had a lot of fun. I wasn’t physically fit and therefore I didn’t participate, but I went around taking pictures. It’s just FUN!!! Yes, believe it or not, after the game, I prepared myself to my best friend’s wedding banquet. This morning I woke up with all sorts of feelings, as follows: -

(a) I do not want to go to work.
(b) I do not want to stay in this firm anymore.
(c) Is my decision to go back to KK, Sabah good?
(d) I am worries
(e) I started to miss this place, the journey to go to work, the friends meeting after court duties, this discussion with friends, etc.
(f) I started to miss my life in KL and my friends.
(g) I saw a advertisement of my previous company in the newspaper and it just brought me back to ‘those days’ and I am going to miss everyone there.
(h) I was reminded by a friend that today is Tuesday and we will be meeting in worship practice tonight and I started to miss playing bass and any other ministries in the church.
(i) I saw the ‘welfare committee minutes’ and “Song writing competition” and I am going to miss all these.
(j) I saw the whole church was playing games yesterday and I am going to leave them soon, my heart felt so ‘painful’.

With all these, I am really questioning myself if I really need to go. I looked at the budget I did and re-consider of the opportunity placed in front of me and the financial burden I had, I wonder if it is a good timing for me to really start my own business. It is a ‘try’. A tough ‘try’. Can I make it? What if things didn’t turn out well?

With this move of mine, I am going to use a lot of money in it. And it is going to be THE ONLY TRY-OUT. I am afraid, I am worry and I am have not 100% confidence that all these is going to work well. My dear smart brother (who always my guidance and advisor) reminded me that if I do not have that big head, I shouldn’t wear that big hat. I do not have that kind of money to ‘try out’ yet and he is reminding me of the ‘danger’ of a partnership, etc.

So, comfortable, steady, unprogressive life or challenging, risky and worries life for not?

- comfortable life or taking up challenge? -