Last day of 2012

I have been spending the last few days of 2012, writing Written Submission and trying to clean up the condo I am staying, including installing racks that I was wanting to put up since 2 years ago.  Time flies.  I didn't realised it has been for a long while now.  Life has definitely been good and better.  Over the year or two, many things revealed by itself without much explanation.  Many lies that were told by others to cover their mistakes and ugliness had revealed by itself. I can only summarised that as KK people are just too free and they are hypocrites. The churches in particular.  I have heard so much about the churches here since young, of how arrogant they are, how unloving they are, how selfish they are, etc.  But when I was 'sent' here, I can only obey and trust God.  Indeed, for as long as He wants me to be in CCL, I was there serving Him faithfully.... but of course, I am sure they did not know it's them who didn't be obedient to God.  They opposed not me, or the priests, but they opposed God.  They think they won the battle by throwing me out of CCL.  But they have failed to see how much they did to disobey God in many ways. 
I am just a small fish...... what can I do if God is not with me?  IF they think by chasing me out of CCL is what they called as "God's Will", then they know God very little.  For 7 years I was with them, .... I didn't get a single phone call from anyone for the past 2 years.  That's how 'loving' they said they are. 
Anyway, I am putting all these to a full stop by today.  I am not looking back any more. Instead, the whole matter had made me realised how corrupted a church is.  Just when it shows it corrupted side, they were also shouted for 'justice' towards all the other Anglican members in the Diocese by asking the Bishop to step down.  hahahaha..... I was laughing out loud because, they are not only hypocrites, but they are also think they are GOD and they are mistake/fault free man.  Arrogant is the only word I can put up to describe them.  Stupid is another word of course.  Who are they to judge?  I just cannot stop laughing.  Oh well, after seeing that scenes,  ... it's confirmed that it's the church and it's people that has problem.  They can't tolerant others to point out their mistakes.  They are arrogant, they just want someone who is like a mouse to act as a puppet for them as a Bishop.  Their pride certainly is bringing them destruction. They have not seen GOD in any way.  They acted like they are God instead. 
I was sad and felt sorry for them.  Cried many days, many months for their stupidity and pride.  But I don't anymore.  They accountable to God what they did.  I am glad, I have no regret in 2012.  I have done what I should for Him in 2012. 
For the year 2013, I have only one resolution.  I promise God... to get even more closer to Him in 2013.
- Last day of 2012 -

Love?

Many was talking above loving one person, having their own kids and loving them, etc.  But not in my position to see 'love' in those ....
Loving a person and I am to marry him? Hmm..... I think the correct thinking is this:  I shouldn't make others suffer.  Look at my parents, look at my mom.... oh dear... and with my weak health since young, I don't think I can give a nice life to my partner, if I would to marry him.  So, I would rather he gets married to someone better ... at least, less suffering. 
Children? Goodness... Since young, I always asked my parents why they want to give birth to me.  I don't think there's any fun here in this world, except sin... and suffering.  So, why bring people to the earth to suffer again? I don't the point.
I am making this very clearly... that whatever happen to me, don't bother.  It's just me and I am dying anyway.  So, no need to bother much about me.  Waste of time and strength.  hehe....
So, yes, I am shunning away from everyone who especially wanted to care about me. 
- Love? -

Christmas 2012

I cannot remember when was the last time I celebrated Christmas. I miss Chrismas.... Especially those I had in England - home. Home because God has done so much in and for me when I was in England. Home because not only I enjoyed the fellowship and food and culture, but I also enjoyed so much of what Christmas truly meant for me.  Ever since I came back to Malaysia, I was and still adaptimg to reverse culture that I find it so hard to adapt and accept. Be it the church's teaching or the heart of people whom I celebrated with. Somehow, the meaning of Christmas has been so much differnce here than back in England.
These few years in particular, where I was not in any way being able to take part in anything, I somehow being 'brought back' to those time when I was in England.  Oh dear... I seriously and truly miss Christmas at HOME - England.  I miss my time with the Lord.  Miss my time with Brenda, Michelle, Larissa, and the gang.  Miss the unforgettable mega fireworks on the top of the building which situated above a mountain, overseeing the whole Bristol.... I just miss my life.  I feel that I have completely loss my life ever since I came back....
This Christmas was nothing great or special.  In fact, it's just too .... quiet.  However, I had a wonderful Christmas present (only 1) which I truly like, I had a few messages from wonderful and great friends (less than 5).  I had fellowship with old friends and relatives where we all complained and shared the same view of those born after 1980 .. that we all cannot stand their attitudes. hahahahaha....
And we can just sat around and talked anything, everything, including pro and cons of the Christmas programme, etc. hahahaha.... it's just fun!
That's what I call, a Christmas 2012.  Merry merry Christmas everyone!
- Christmas 2012-

Laugh out loud!!!

It's holiday for me and all my staffs in my office! We officially made 24th and 26th as our Christmas holiday and so, we have a continuous of 5 days holiday.  Ever since 2 weeks ago, I have been reminded by many of the dooms day.  Some asked my mom to store up food and water at home and some has told me to come home to die with my parents, etc.  Hahaha... I do not know what's the point of all these because, as much as I know, there's useless to store up food, and it's definitely no meaning to die with my parents at the same time. hahahahahahaha.... that's the first laugh out loud issue.
The second of course, by telling someone who has always wanted to die earlier about how sad that this world is going to end as is 'useless' and 'pointless'.  Come on, don't ask me if I am happy to be able to lives for another day.  What's good about it?  In this world? With all the sinners? What's the fun? Of course I would rather be dead by now and to be with the Lord.  So, with the non-happening of the prediction of the dooms day, of course there's nothing to HAPPY about.  And it is stupid to be wanted to lives for another day in this sinful world and endure all the suffering.  Stupid.... and that's laugh out loud issue no.2.
The third issue was what the Bishop preached this morning about seeing the issues of forgiving, being forever, accepting forgiveness, etc.  Oh well, if that's really 'applicable', I will not have business anymore. hahahahahahahahaha......Thank God that this world is a sinful world.  hahahahaha....
Come on people, I don't think anyone/everyone by listening to that sermon will get the meaning behinds.  Of course I do know what the Bishop was trying to say, but practically.... is that helping everyone in their lives, really?  I am sure all of us who were listening to the sermon, was forgiven by the Lord (the father).... but how many of us are being forgiven by the people around us (the brother)?  How many gave others the second chance? How many of those who were being convicted are at the end being forgiven by their family members and friends? Wait, do they have friends? ... ?
I am feeling the pain because I am one who was 'suffering' like them.  No one cares if you are to die or not, if you are to kill yourself or not, whether you have enough money to pay for your ends meet or not, ... all they told me was, "it's your problem.  go sort it out yourself".  With that, how can i forgive them?  No no no, don't get me wrong.... I am convinced somehow that it's nothing to do with them because i am not even 'connected' to them at all.  So, it's ok to just leave me alone. But it's a bit too much to ask me to "forgive" them.  It's a lesson too difficult to forget seriously. Even it doesn't hurt anymore, I will not want them to be around my life anymore.  Until and unless they step the first step to forgive or accept me, otherwise, why bothers?
I guess... to talks about forgiveness, I can also says, I am a bloody sinner and I am sorry, I cannot forgive you like God forgives me because I am not God. So, yes... it's a laugh out loud issue no.3.  Don't preach something inapplicable nor practical.  If you can tell me to deal with my own problem myself and walked away.... stop preaching about forgiveness.
- Laugh out loud!!! -

Better battle!

It's a 3 days court trial. My opponent has been such a pain to me for the past one year as he always has something to object on every single application and proceeding. During this trial, he has so much confidence in himself that he will be able to convince the judge this time to stay on the proceeding after he has failed in striking out my claim. He didn't even have the courtesy to inform me that he is to raise the issues under Order 14A and Order 33,Rules of Court 2012. After about 30 minutes of argument, the judge asked him to proceed with the trial. My witness was already took his oath and on stand when he raise the issues. You can see how unethical my opponent was.
During the trial, my opponent missed all the relevant issues and point at all and he has made a fool of himself during the whole trial.
I am not sure whether my client will succeed with his claim, but I am quite please with the whole trial because, finally, my client gets to be heard of his side of the story.
It had been a long battle to be able to reach this stage and finally, .... I hope through what I did, I bring gospel to my client through the difficulties suffered by him when these are over and he managed to claim back what he's suffering.
Hope! That's what I am trying to bring to my client.
- Bettter battle -

Honda Civic ST5239B - missing it

After 30 over years with being both my brother and my first car, someone walked in and purchased the old Honda Civic belong to my parents. We will miss it for sure but... We just think it is good to sell it while it still worth RM2300.
I told my mom car is bad debts and she said, she has consider herself earned anyway. She still receive RM2300. Hahaha.... True enough...
We will never forget our beloved car, ST5239B.
- Missing it -

Hard time!

It has been a while since I have been complained by clients for slow services. No. It's not something I handle personally. I gave my staff the job to draft all the loan documents and due to the trials, I was occupied in court room and absent from the office. God knows what my staff did during my absent. Not that there's so much that he can't handle, that's for sure. And after my trials, I was sick and I wasn't really checking on him. He has been slacking for sure. He hold on to a loan offer for almost 3 weeks and it happen that it's very urgent for clients.
I demand for an explanation. He couldn't deliver to me any possible cause except, he's been lazy.  From planning to reward them for their hard works by giving them 2 months' bonus, I have now reduced it to 1 month. From an increment, it has been reduced. I hope I change my mind again by Monday. But for now, I am not convinced.
I put lots of efforts to get clients to give us works but my office has helped me to throw them away. You know how it feels? And yet I have to pay them and worry for them for not being able to meet their daily needs? That's a bit seriously too much isn't it?
Seriously, I don't have many staffs. But I am already stressed out by them. They are seriously giving me hard time.
- Hard time -

Blessed parents!

Suddenly today, I am thinking about my parents.  Over the past few years, ever since I left home for studies until now, I have met many people whom complained about their parents.  At first, I was telling a few friends that my dad had came out with his EPF monies and even to mortgaged the house for my studies.  They were amazed and said, their parents will not do the same.  Then I had few talked about how awful their parents are to them.  I then have friends who told me their parents had committed adultery, parents gone divorced, parents passed away, parents quarrel,  etc.  I too have friend who scolded their parents in front of me and/or being impolite to them while talking on the phone.  I too have friends' parents who asked help from their children rather than the other way round.  I have know friends' parents who can't provides and care for their children.  Those, seriously.... gave me a shock of my life.  I have never come across all these with my parents.
I am seriously blessed to have parents who loves me to the maximum.  Provides and cares and loves me of who I am.  I never consider myself as 'normal'.  But still, my parents loves me of who I am even though I am 'different'.  They still gave me EVERYTHING they have and owned.  They even gave up their face for me. They trust me and believe me 100%.  They always stand on my side.  They respected me.  They love me to the maximum.
I am the blessed one for sure.  Compare to many, I am seriously a blessed daughter. Thanks, dad and mom... !  I love you both!
- Blessed parents! -

Contradiction?

After 2 years ago's incidences, I have started to 'protect' myself from being hurt and/or rejected again.  I know not everyone can accept who I am really.  Everyone bring along a ruler with them and they measure whether I am 'worth' their care and love.  I always try not to do the same and so, even thought people whom I cannot 'accept', I will still love and care.  In fact, I love and care more for those people whom others rejected more.  For the past years, I was taught and learned to take initiative and do more for people I saw who has needs.  I always thought we should demonstrate the love of Christ by our actions.  However, I learned that besides being misunderstood of the 'intention' of mine, nothing I have gained.  In a way, I didn't demonstrates the love of Christ.  Instead, people thought otherwise about me and my action.
After what I was being treated and being misunderstood badly... and at the end being rejected, I started to do what exactly different.  People might think it's because I didn't approach them and that's why they don't take the initiative to approach me either.  Well, that's generally what PEOPLE do.  They push all the blames to me.... for not taking the first step.  Well, I did.  Didn't I sms, make contact, etc? But was what I did being responded? Of course not, instead, I feel the strong sense of 'ignorance and rejections'.  So, I don't do that anymore.  God knows how many sms and emails I sent that never get replied.  People are happier without my existence.  It's once against a confirmation that I am better to be disappeared.  The total ignorance and rejection that once I was told that it's just my imagination, was came to reality.
So, I didn't bother much about contacting people.  I am glad there's people who will look for me ... those, i call them as true friends.  Not like those who just ignored me after i get nut and being unreasonable.  I do have people who are oversea that will occasionally still take the initiative to look for me, called me, etc, even during the most insane and unreasonable time of mine.  They don't 'use' me like those I met few years back.  So, if you are telling me that so and so is having problem and needed help, etc. I will only tell you that everyone has their own problem and they will have to deal with it themselves (I was told the same anyway...).  I am licensed and trained problem solver.  I don't 'help' without getting paid for and/or without getting any 'profit' from it.
Even if one who has not come to know Christ and asked me about Christ.  I will probably tell them, "that's your problem. Not mine.  Go find a way yourself and solve it. ".

Yes.  That's exactly my approach these days.
Yes.  I do know all these are contradicted to the teaching of Jesus.  Oh well, if the church and its people did that on me, ... I don't see any problem with me learning and applying the same to others though. I have learned this lesson deeply.

My dr somehow got a bit 'worried' on me when I told him everything is fine and well.  Knowing that i am coping well so far with the stressful few months now, he expressed his happiness over my 'recovery', but worried because I have had such an experienced with those people.  To a point, he agreed with me now that those people I mentioned earlier on were not my true friends.  Oh well.. like i said, time will tell the truth. :)

Love your neighbour as yourself? Oh well... yes. Just with different methods.  For now, I 'respect' them the way they 'desire' it.  I will not bother... even if they asked for help, I will not help.  Because it's a 'cross they have to bear it themselves'.

- Contradiction? -