CNY holiday!

Oh well... 2 days of holiday... supposingly... but I was busy on the first day... as everyone came to my house after service, as usual.... oh well, the 'rule' is... visiting the Priest... hence, I always end up doing work at home the first day. On second day, I choose to rest... hence, again, I didn't go out... of course, plans of visiting some places didn't work out today due to timing ... with people came over and picking up my brother and his family.

Oh well, not that I don't enjoy being at home... I am just feeling a bit LOST these few days! Partly because I am very much disturbed by the trial in March and another would be with lots of crazy 'news'... i.e. my uncle was admitted to hospital this evening due to high blood pressure, a friend who is pregnant fell down, etc. etc. etc.

This CNY holiday.. I must say... I am feeling the pressure and discomfort rather than happiness... worries is exactly what I am feeling every moment in fact... hai...

Oh well, I still got another 5 days to be here at home, ... I am hoping for the BEST to come...!!!

- CNY holiday! -

Happy Chinese New Year!

I came home last night... but only managed to step my feet into my house at around 10:30pm. So, we all went to bed at around 11pm. Mom was asking if I want to go to the market with her this morning ... but I was really tired yesterday hence, I said I need some sleep this morning. I woke up at 9:45am...

While everyone gone back to their 'civilisation', I am however, came back to ... a small town. Tawau indeed is very much different from KK. I was woken up by the sounds of cutting of grasses, cars selling vegetables and meats, cars selling gas, screaming and shouting from neighbours... you name it... So, yes... I need to be back here for a week... so if you are telling me to rest well while I am at home.. hmm.. it's kind of hard... especially when my nephew and niece come back on Tuesday. hahaha...

Seriously.... I am missing KK, I am missing you... the one celebrating chinese new year in KK...

Oh well... it's chinese new year... so, let me take this opportunity to wish you and your family, a happy and blessed chinese new year!!!!

- Happy Chinese New Year! -

AAAaaaaaHHHHhhhhhh!!!

Where are you Lord? Where are you? Can't you hear me crying out for you?

- AAAaaaaaHHHHhhhhhh!!!-

A cry!

Lately, I am being 'disturbed' by this memory.. a memory which I felt just happen yesterday. I am much disturbed... and I know, the same situation will happen again ... may be very soon... Oh well, I thought I won't feel it so deep and obvious the next time this happen especially in KK, but I guess, I was wrong as I am feeling it already.... Hence, I am screaming.. "Lord, have mercy on me!!!!"

- A cry! -

Reward!

I think... after a year of hard work, I better reward myself with something... So, yes.... after a month plus of thinking, I am seriously considering of getting myself an itouch. Well, it all because today is January 2009 and I already looking for place to put down my appointment/trial dates for 2010 and 2011. More over, I found myself needing something like a Palm i used to have... for reading, especially cases, etc... while waiting for my turn in the court (could be 10 mins, could be 5 hours). ... and since I don't like to open my laptop in front of many people, i think itouch is good. Unless, you can suggest to me another better gadget...

- reward! -

What I don't like about being sick

No.. not the medicine... That's not exactly what I hate when I am sick although the pills do stuck in my throat and I have difficulties swallowing it when I am sick. I don't know why it happen, but when the medicine stuck in my throat, I know I am really sick. Well, I am having one stucked in my throat right now though... hmm.. and ya... I can taste it... ! I guess I am seriously sick...

Well, well, well... besides the medicine... of course, that sort of 'quietness' I have in my apartment, of having no one around, no one care, no one cook for me, no one bring me water when I need it, no one force me to eat medicine, no one come and check on me... does make me hate being sick... Put it this way, I hate being restrained... especially being sick. As much as I hate my period of recovery from my ankle operation, I hate it just so much for the past 2 days... well, at least, during the recovery period, I had some people come and go, sending me to work, etc... and I have basically NO CHOICE... haha... ya.. I am sure CL is saying I am 'chen miang' now... hahaha... well, I do like being nagged sometimes... so, I am in fact, thankful for those who were around during my ankle recovery period. But for the past 2 days... my goodness... I was feeling so .... ??? Lonely? Yes, I can drive... but in a very dangerous state... and once I entered into my apartment... that's it... I don't feel like going anywhere... but just in bed...!!! Woke up and realise, I have no food, and still need to dragged myself to cook etc.. hohoho... I guess I only realise how terrible that was 2 days ago... Oh well, ya ya ya.. my fault of not going to see doctor earlier... I blame no one.

Oh well... what can I say? What can I blame? I stay too far from friends? I am bad as a friend and that's why no one care? I shouldn't stay away from home? I shouldn't work but see doctor and rest at home? Ya.. it's all happen because of my own decision. So how can I blame anyway, right? I am not blaming anyone really...

Just hate the feeling... of being alone when I am really sick... O o o.... By the way, I am feeilng better already.. although I am still having some fever now... well, ... at least, I can go out now.. hehe...

- what I don't like about being sick -

Hurted! Disappointed! Sadden!

When I entered my apartment this evening after a long day of works and about an hour plus hospital visitation, I told myself, 'finally I can rest tonight'. I didn't care about almost everything even taking shower and cooking my dinner. I just sat on the sofa, switched on the tv to make the whole apartment feels better... I was that lonely... this evening....! I didn't even wanna bother about what sms came in, what phone call came in unless it is from my parents or my cousin just in case bad news will be heard anytime now. I saw by the tv for a long long while... and then I went to get something to cook while I went to take my shower. Came out, I was pushed to dealth with something silly... and hurting, disappointing and saddening.

I wanted so much for a good rest tonight after a week of 'fighting'... but at 12:01am now, I only remember the stupid, silly hurting, disappointing and saddening incident that makes my eyes and cheeks filled with eye drops... just because of this, I was reminded of an incident happen about 15 years ago ... how much I was hurted, disappointed and sadden tonight... I guess, I am being repaid for what I did then... the wonderful thing is that, the other party that I hurted, disappointed and sadden 15 years ago, confronted with me, made me realise what friend is ... but today, I was being told, that concept was totally wrong.

I once asked almost everyone I know when I was young, the need of a friend. To me, friends is useless because the more friends I have, the more hurts, disappointment and sad moment I will get and everyone is somehow treating friends as a vessal, a tool... to get what they want. That was what I thought about friend about 15 to 20 years ago. Somehow, some really good friends, had changed my perception about friend...

But tonight, I once again think... my previous perception about friend is somehow correct. I guess, I never learn. I shall know in the first place since I arrive KK that I shouldn't be close to anyone at all. Stupid me... Silly me...

Well, stupid me for trusting that God somehow created friend... nope. I still don't think He did. He only created husband and wife. At least, there's nothing call a close friend may be. haha... stupid me... silly me...

- hurted! Disappointed! Sadden! -

Pre-Chinese New Year!

What happen on Pre-Chinese New Year?

1. Work piled up and everyone want their matters to settled before Chinese New Year. Hence, the question of when can it be done? Can we come and sign today? How about tomorrow morning? As if we have the superpower to finish work that needs 2 days in one hour time. Well, they don't really care...

2. I am sick and still, I have no time to go to see the doctor. Not only that. I have no time to even see my father and brother who are in town to attend a 4 days meeting. Still, I have no time to pay my grandaunt a visit since she admitted to hospital after a minor stroke 2 days ago.

3. It's suprising how much payment I am receiving this month, all are overdue payment (I should have charged them interest of 14% per annum for late payment according to the Advocates Ordinance) and I believe, it's because of Chinese New Year.

4. Traffic jam is everywhere. Come in to the shopping complex and you will find the car park is full, even at 6th floor at Center Point Sabah. I don't know what it's mean when someone told me the economic is bad...

5. I am seriously exhausted by works ...

- Pre-chinese new year! -

Little Blue! + Customer first?

If you are wondering what is Little Blue, it is my beloved car.... well, when it turns 5 years old, I realise, it has lots of 'sickness'. First, the petrol meter didn't point to its exact point.. and not only that, the pointer is like roller coaster.... going up sometimes and coming down another time... I took it to the service center last saturday for service and told them about it. I ended up sent it in at 8:30am and only collected it at 4pm. They took the whole tank down and did a lot of testing and found that, it's the meter itself that's faulty. I am not going to change a new one now.. not until it is completely malfunction. On the same day, I was told Little Blue need to change it timing belt BUT.... the service center has no stock of it now, since December 2008. So, Little Blue will have to wait... then the wiper at the back of Little Blue is also not functioning very well and I requested it to be changed... again... service center has no stock. This morning, after I came out from a Bank, I realise, one of its wheelcap is no longer there.... I called the service center, of course you can guess the answer... service center has no stock... so, basically, the service center is not being a good service enter and secondly, Little Blue is still "sick". I really have the thought of changing the current wheets to a proper rim.... but then... I have no money now... so, hai... the feeling is like, your child is sick and you have a choice to send him to private hospital or government hospital... and guess... in Little Blue's situation, it has to be sent to the government hospital...

********************

I went to this Bank thinking that they are of international standard, as they always claimed that they are the world's local bank, well.... I have no problem withdrawing cash from the machine... but I was waited to speak to the asssitant manager of customer service for at least 15 minutes as he was speaking to a couple about transferring money from the Bank to another bank outside of Sabah. Not entirely his fault of course as it could be the limitation of understanding of the customer. But at least, this would to be avoided by asking another personnel to help the couple? I don't know. Well, when it was my turn, I asked him if it is possible for me to change new notes and he answer yes and he asked me whether I am holding a saving books or a statement account. I receive none basically hence I have no idea what he was asking for. He simply pressed a button with a number came out and only then I told him, I am holding a powervantage account actually and only then he apologise. I know I don't look like someone who holds such an account in this Bank.... fine... but looking down on people, especially your customer, it is very impolite. I went upstairs, saw my number being called, I went to the counter and this lady saw me, gave me a proud look and asked "do you have an account with us?" I answered her yes and then she asked "You are? Show me your ATM card please?" Then I told her, but I am not withdrawing money from this Bank. Can I give you cash instead? Then she said, "give me your ATM card first". I gave her then she gave me a look and she starts doing her job. I asked her later if there's any red packet for customer and she asked me to go downstairs to get it from the customer service centre and so I did... I went downstairs, saw a customer service personnel, stating, Assistant Manager... wow... and I asked her, she gave me a look and she went in... I waited 10 minutes ... and she came out with 1 packet contains of 10 red packets and gave it to me. I asked her if I can have more and she said, one customer only can have more. For goodness sake.... I am sure EVERYBODY knows... the staffs took all themselves... giving to themselves, their mother, their aunties, their brothers and sisters, their mother in law, their aunties in law, their brothers and sisters in law... customer? every customer only entitle for one packet? What non-sense is this? Just because I don't have a right on my finger and I can't get it? Come on.... customer first? International standard kind of bank? I tell you, if I go down later to our local bank and manage to get more than 1 packet from them, I am going to close my account with them for sure. After all my brother is coming back and he will be able to be my introducer to open the account there in that bank.

Terrible service at this so called, self claimed the world's local bank...

- little blue + customer first? -

Thoughts? Worries? Getting organised?

I wasn't able to go into sleep last night and the whole night, I woke up at least 3 times and I even look at the toy next to me and play with it for a while. I wonder what bothers me. First, was the thought of a friend who passed away recently, images of her when she was little until she was youth, and when she left Tawau to study in Australia, all flashes back.... like a story book. Then, my mind rested on a file, thought of a few points for trial in March 2009 and trust me, I was as clear as I was awake... as it took about hours and I remember still, on what point I need to do research about. It was suppose to be a cold evening as it was raining heavily until 1/4 of the roads at Kota Kinabalu were flooded, but somehow, I felt hot... and my aircon was switched to 22 degree from 25. I didn't have enough sleep... I thought... but no, I woke up this morning full of energy despite the flu and sore throat I got.

I came into office (I was on road for 45 minutes due to the rain and floods), worked like crazy and also managed to billed some people. Which is great! Now that it is 3pm, I am feeling a bit tired... I guess, I am leaving this office at 4pm.

Oh well... trust me, I used last night's time to work too.. and I skipped lunch.. so, leaving an hour earlier is NOTHING...

- thoughts? worries? getting orgnised? -

Better or worse?

Today is my nephew first day to attend school. I suggested my parents to give my brother a call to see how all thing goes but just before we call, my brother called... and told us, that his son was doing very well. He was left there with new friends and teacher, or rather what they called, 'strangers' the whole morning. My dad said, that should be the case as one generation should be better than the previous generation. Oh well, I am sure we all agree to that.. and hopefully, the next generation is better than our generation.

My parents sent me to the airport just a while ago and during the 45 minutes journey, I observed that, those plants besides the roadside has changed a lot, from Koko plants, it has now, 90% being occupied by Oil Palm trees. I suddenly remember an experience I experienced when I was in Primary 5 where the teacher asked someone in the class to go downstairs to bring up a papaya tree. That someone went down but came up with nothing and only then the teacher reaslise, he doesn't know how a papaya tree looks like. That was the first time I realise, not everyone knows how does some trees looks like. So as, how does a chicken looks like before it was slaughter. Well...

As I was on my journey to the airport just now, that's the thing I am wondering on my little nephew. Of how much he would know of the trees that grows fruits that he is eating these days. hahaha... So, yes... better or worse?

- better or worse? -

The past...

I am not very sure if it's because of the dreams I had last night/this morning that caused me to feel very insufficient, failure, down or anything along that line. But well, I do feel upset and down for the past 2 days, especially when I was called to stand up as a cell leader to be commissioned for the coming year's 'duty'. I feel that I am a failure. Yes. Ultimately a total failure. I have failed in bringing the rest under my care to know Him better. I have failed to unite them, I have failed in being 'active' and have 'compassion' towards people other than those under my care. I have seriously failed as a leader. As a lawyer, I am even worse. Not only failed, but strucked down to the point I have difficulties in picking upself to stand in front of many people. Well, due to my ignorance, my non-active character and/or my inability, I have somehow, failed to helped a few of my clients to get what they want and I feel deeply upset about this. Everything that's suppose to be good has turned out to be bad and everything bad initially has turned out to be worse under my supervision and duty. I feel down and upset. Well, I shall make 2008 a past... a history that will not be repeated again in future. What was done, was done... ended and I shall not pick them up and hurt myself again...

Hence, I decided to take my devotion again on My Utmost For His Highest... because I want to put Him first in everything I do - my best to His glory!

I was deeply challenged by the 1 January devotional passage and today... on 2 January, I am again being challenged... "of going out for Christ without knowing where I will be going... " All I need to do is to trust Him... an "sounds good" command but a difficult task. The passage has somehow brought me back to the day when I was so much convicted that He wants me to study law without knowing why and without having the ability and wisdom for it. ... I was told once again this morning, of my future, the one that I do not know where I will be going. ... I must say, I have been worried about my future in the year 2008 because I do not know where will I be going.... and whether I have food, whether I am healthy and whether this and that.... and yet, by the end of 2008, all I have was... 'worry' and nothing else. This year, I just want to trust in the Lord and His providence. Hence, I want to put 'worry' aside... and start trust Him to the fullest...

Yes... not that I didn't trust Him last year. Not the action that's in question, but the quantum of it... I just want to trust Him MORE this year!!!!

Perhaps, you too? ... in everything you do!!!

- the past -