New Year Visitation!

Wow....today(31.01.2006), I had the most wonderful and busy and tiring new year visitation. I went out at about 10am and only came back home about 11pm. It was tiring but fun. At least, I manage to get to know some friends and get around with some old friend. Really nice!!!

After a wedding dinner tonight, a friend suggested we should go and check out if the TAWAU NEW CINEMA has any show available at 11:30pm tonight. Yes, it does, but all the tickets were sold out and we have then decided to watch the movie tomorrow at 2:30pm. I can't believe it. yes... Tawau has a NEW CINEMA!!! hahaha...

Well, mom is suggesting to celebrate my birthday with me tomorrow (01.02.2006). So, I reserved all my time to my parents tomorrow. Wonderful!!!

Guess that's all for now...

Thought of the day!

Happy New Year, Happy New Year!!!

After today, I am sure I will only have time to post something on this blog after Chinese New Year!!! So, see you after chinese new year!!!!

Today, I spent the whole day with 2 of my friends whom I know in 1997, September. I knew the women on the day I was about to take my flight to England for my studies. She just happen to be in the airport, also taking flight flight to England, same city, Bristol. Just that, we were not in the same flight. We knew each other in the airport through some common friends we knew. It's a wonderful memory for today. I ended up recalled so many memories with her and her brother. We went to Europe together and we spent most of our holidays together. It was just wonderful. Well, that's the morning. The whole afternoon, I was so tired and I slept for a few minutes and rested myself as I am still not feeling very well.

Today, we are going to go to our aunty's place for a big feast. All our relatives who are in Tawau will be there. ... Wonderful!!!!

**********************

After I made my decision to accept the offer from the small medium firm, I am disturbed by the question in my mind of what kind of life I want. I guess the big firm boss is not perfect. He think he is, but to me, he is not. Well, at least, he think I can't be better than him if I don't work for him. I am going to prove to him that, I can be even better then him through a small firm. If he think I made a mistake of not choosing him or his firm, he is really wrong because he is loosing someone eventually become better than him in future. To me, it is easy to defeat your enemy then to defeat your boss. So, I am going to make him my enemy. hahahaha.... I did sounds evil, right? well... what can I say? He is seeing too highly of himself and I am going to tell him, God is going to use the weak to shame the strong and the humble to shame the proud. I can foresee I will be defeated by him in the near future for not sure how many times, but I am going to ensure him that, I will gather all the defeats and use it against him one day. He might need to use one million time to really get me down to the ground, but not destroying me, but if I manage to defeat him in 1 trial, he is certainly defeated. Because he has something to lose, and I don't.

Just a thought of the day!!! wondering... why people are so arrogant and thinking so highly on themselves? That's the main reason I turned down the Big Firm offer...

- thought -

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

First of all, allow me to wish you have a happy and blessed Chinese New Year!!!

Yesterday morning was my first day of holiday. It was great at first, until 10:30am, where one of the partner in the BiG firm called me and gave me an offer. I was hesitated to accept and I was hesitated to reject the offer. Simply because those kind of offer, I can hardly get one easily and it is just in front of me now. Well, I was really wondering why it came 1 day after I accepted the offer of the Small Medium Firm. After analysis with my parents, they think if I really want it, I can try the big firm as getting a place in small medium firm like what I got there, it's easier. I therefore, decided to call the big firm today.

Last night, I didn't sleep well. I guess it was because of the worries about accepting the firm, etc... but... I did feel uneasy, no peace in me and even pressured. I am not sure where those feeling came, but I did made a prayer before I went to bed. And this morning, when I woke up, I was quite clear that I did not want to get into that big firm. Although the opportunity is there. If I am not given another choice,I might want to try that firm, but since I was given another place, I want to try that place first. After all, what I will be doing and learning in that small medium firm, might be more relevant in Sabah Practice.

So, there goes the story of mine for these 2 days. I believe if I am hard working enough, I can even make a different in the small medium firm, but in a big firm, what I can do is just to follow others' steps. ...

Well, I guess that's all for the update. I am feeling missing Tawau and my parents already... and a bit nervous about starting a job in KL again. Paranoid? hmm... I admit!!!

Now, my only prayer is :

1. To have my own room in that firm;

2. To have internet access so that research can be done easily;

3. Good bosses; and

4. Good colleagues.

God Bless and Happy New Year!!!

Last Day!

Sorry for not posting something on my blog yesterday. Take a guess... yup, I was sick and was on half day medical leave. I thought I would be alright in the morning, so I came in in the morning. But when time reached about 11am, my body couldn't contain it anymore. I went home to take a nap (thinking it would be a 'nap') instead of joining my 2 colleagues for a farewel lunch (promised them since last week). I was scolded by them of course for breaking my promise. But I substitute that with another promise. That's to have lunch with them before I leave for KL. OK. To cut the story short, I went home, take my lunch, take my nap and I went to see doctor and went to bed at 9:30pm. It's not a very serious flu or sickness, but I don't want to let it get worse.

Well, this morning, I came in, clean my table and place and while I was still cleaning, my boss came in with suprise. He talked to me for a while and he gave me a gift. "Called to the Bar" photo, by Tony Kentuck. Really happy to have that as a gift althought I haven't think of a place to hang it yet.

I am still in sickness, so my dad sent me to work and he will pick me up later.

Decision is made. Although I am offered here a place in other law firms in Tawau, I think the explosure won't be so much as well, expect banking litigation. I think they are the expert. hahaha... But Tawau people work like they are 'working' and they don't know how the law actually works. So, I guess I don't want to be influenced as such yet. May be after a few years of building up my foundation (law) only then I will start enjoying the 'working' style here. So, I guess, good explosure is what I need.

Well, my parents are willing to let me go. They always do. Just that, home is home... and I am getting used to life at HOME. hahaha... For a better life, I shall go and fight for another few years.

The firm whom I am suppose to reply them haven't get back to me yet. Er... not sure what happen. ... wil call them later.

Today is my last day with this firm. Unlike my previous experience. I feel so good this time. hahaha...

- updated news -

Weekend!!!

I took the 7:20am flight on Saturday to come back to Tawau. The flight was delayed due to some 'late' passanger, including a friend of mine. Yeah, so suprise to met him, but we chat throughout the 2 hours 45 minutes journey until the couples sat in front of us so annoyed by our conversation and talking and noise. Well, they can't really sue us for Nuisance, so, we don't care. hahaha... we have just too many things to share.

Well, I reached home and straight away, parents brought me for lunch and after that, the most important mission, to the photo shop to get my negatives processed. hahaha... it contains photos of my beloved nephew and niece. hehehe...

At the evening, I attended the service because it's the Boys' Brigade and Girls' Brigade's commissioning service. Done, went 'yam cha' and home.

The next day, mom was sick... and she couldn't even get up from bed. Hence, she didn't go to church. I went with dad and we talked about my future, etc. I talked to dad and mom on the issue at lunch on last saturday also. Both of them think, it is better for me work in KL for another few years. Reasons:

1. If I stay in Tawau, I will 100% want to change to other firm, if I do change firm, I will certainly hurt my boss's feeling because he will lost the partnership and he will not be able to go for banking panelship.

2. In Tawau, explosure is very few, not that it didn't have, it does. Just not many.

3. Process of gaining experiences will be slower.

I did think of going to KK instead. But if that's the case, I might as well go back to KL as I am familiar with that place more than KK. With all the supporting facts, therefore, I have decided to go to KL on 4.2.2006 and start workk on 6.2.2006.

Now... there's another issue on which firm to choose. ... after much consideration, I think I am choosing the medium firm to go. Although it is not a BIG and 'attractive' firm but I guess I will learn a lot from that firm. Well, I suppose there is no right or wrong in making such decision as it might just about whether it will help me to success in a slow or fast way. Yes, I will go for it... !!! My parents also ready for my departure. Mom is even thinking of celebrating my birthday with me before I go. 2 weeks after I left, my brother's family will be here in Sabah for a week or two, so, I guess, they won't be so lonely after all. I really feel like staying back to be honest... I will though, but...may be 2 years later.

- :) -

2nd day...

Woke up at 9am this morning, thinking to get some emails done and also to prepare myself for the interviews. I have 2 interviews today. One is at 11am and another is at 2:30pm. While I went online in the morning, I just noted that I didn't know the way to the first interview. Thank God I met a few friends online and they gave me proper directions. I went for the first one. It was by a lady. She is one of the partner in the firm. She asked me all sorts of questions by using my own resume, which I sent to her about a week ago. She asked me almost every details I posted on the resume. She is not familiar with some of the laws I exposed to during my pupillege. She asked me to explain one by one and at the end of the 1 hour interview, she said she is willing to offer me, if I am alright with the paid, that's about RM300 below my expectation. Both of us were not very happy because she insist that I do not have experience in the area of law their firm is practising and that I do not deserve what I am asking for. But my counter claim is that, if I can prove it to her and her firm that my works is worth what I am asking for, then she will paid me for that price. She agreed, by setting that she will paid what I am asking for or ever higher after a 3 months probation period. So, that's it...

Right after the interview, I was thinking to myself... this is devastating.... as a fresh lawyer, I only worth so little? But... Tawau's firm is paying me much higher than this firm, plus, I don't really want to specialise in just one area of law. I want to learn and develop myself to be a strong advocate and be able to open my own firms said, 3 years later. So, I am setting my mind and soul to said, if Kadir, Andre & Partners (the one interviewed me yesterday) did offer me, I will stay in KL. Otherwise, I shall go back to Tawau, enjoy myself, get paid and relax...

After the first interview, I look at the clock and noticed that I have about 1 1/2 to 2 hours before my second interview. Hence, I went to 1 Utama for a short, 1 hour shopping. Well, as some of you know, I did gained weight.. and FAT either.. so, I have very limited clothes with me. I therefore, tried to get some. When I look at the price... I hardly willing to pay for it... but yes, I did manage to get what I needed the MOST.

Thereafter, I went down to KL from Damansara. I reached the place at 1:40pm. So, I found a place and sat down for my lunch. That area, my goodness.... I have chosen the cheapest food and it cost me RM16.95 inclusive of drink.

Anyway... there, I went up to 5th Floor for the interview. I was interviewed by a lady who has this American slang. She spoke about her expectation on her Legal Assistant and she also tell me straigh away, after a 20 minutes interview and talk that she would like to offer me a place. Well... that's really give me a shock as, unless they are really really in need of people, otherwise, giving me an offer after a 20 minutes talk is really a bit too soon and unexpected. Especially for a firm who is paying me quite high (still not as high as what I can get in Tawau). Well, I don't really know the reason why she is offering me. I cannot remember if I put my ex-boss in Jeff Leong, Poon & Wong, Mr. Wong Hok Chong as my reference. Because Mr. Wong did mentioned that this firm is quite good and he seems know the people in this firm. If that is the case, then the possibility that they check me out through Mr. Wong would make it possible for them to give me and offer straight away. But I am not certain on this. Well, I did ask her to give me some time until next Tuesday to confirm with the offer.

But right after this interview, my heart is really ... ???? I can't tell. Is that the feeling that I am getting a 'signal' to said, no.... you don't like it here.... in KL. ... etc. etc. You know.. it's just a feeling of 'unwillingness' to accept the offer or may be it is too bizzare to have such offer? Or I was not expecting and not within my expectation? whatever it is....

this has really brought some 'uncertainty' into my mind. At one side of my mind, I wanted to accept it straight away, but the other side of my mind, I don't want to. And another part of it, it tells me I should wait for Kadir's reply before I made my decision. But IF Kadir did offer me, which firm should I join? Well, I have time to think until next Tuesday. So, I better utilise my remaining days to seek advices from others, ie. my ex-boss and my parents.

So, basically.... of all my sharing....

Please continue to pray for me...

- Thanks -

First day Interview in KL

Thanks for praying. I know some friends who really prayed for me. I even received a wonderful, nice, warm SMS from a friend in cell group, Tawau who text me saying she is praying for me. Indeed, I think that's the support and encouragement I want.

The first day of interview started pretty well. As promised, I asked my ex-boss in Rockwills Corporation Sdn. Bhd., Mr. Lim to have lunch with my ex-boss in Jeff Leong, Poon & Wong, Mr. Wong. Through the lunch and discussion, we came out with a 'more likely happen' situation. That is my Mr. Wong won't get much works to sustain a legal assistant. I expected that to happen because I sort of know how Rockwills run their business. And that's the main reason I applied for other law firms. So, yes.. that's done. I did told my parents before I came over that I don't really want to work with Mr. Wong because I don't want to work like how I work in Tawau. So, things settled. I am not joining him.

After the lunch and meeting, I took an LRT down to Dang Wangi station, and to Menara Safuan, next to Wisma Denmark at Jalan Ampang, a firm called Kadir, Andre & Partners. Before I applied, I was told my some ex-colleagues of mine that the boss is terrible. He shouts at people, he see you as NOTHING and he is really arrogant. His secretary keep on changing and for last year's record, he changed 5 secretaries. Anyway, I don't really know on what basis he wanted to interview me and he even allowed me to arrange my time. May be he is desperate for someone. I was told he is looking for someone senior, but I am fresh. So, I was really wondering. But all these didn't deter me from attending the interview and so on. I arrived about 10 minutes earlier than the scheduled time. I waited for a while and then, I was interviewed for a good 2 hours in his room. This is the most unusual and long interview I ever attended. I can tell you that if I get in to this firm, I will certainly gained some reputation. And if I really work hard and really good in my works, I will be well known among my peers. But I also understand, I need to put double efforts in getting what I am aiming for. I can tell you, if I really work there, 2 years later, I should be able to start my own firm. I am so motivated to get into this firm although he used 20 minutes trying to scare me off. Yes, he failed. After all the talks, I still wanting and keen to join the firm and work under him. He is impressed he told me. ... However, I am sure the only things that he is now considering is that, I am fresh and he need to train me up. I am still praying hard... on HIS Will be done....!!!

After the interviews, I went home, took my shower, had my dinner and I went to get something for my nephew. Yes.. it's his 2 years old birthday and his parents set up a mini birthday party for him. He was so happy and he got many presents and he just can't stop laughing and happy... really happy to see him happy. Of course, I did spent some time playing with my 6 months' old niece. She is really cute and nice to play with. She wasn't really happy this morning. According to her mom, she might have angry about her mom. I holded her, carried her, talked to her and before she go to bed, she was laughing, having fun and she is ok. haha.....

So, yes.. that's my first day out of 2 days journey in KL. ...

- praying -

Past 4 months v. future

This is the 4th month after I return from KL. Time flies (when your life is comfortable and easy) and I am about to leave this comfortable town and family again. Right after this move, no one will know what's in front of me. I suddenly feel insecure. There and then, I started to evaluate my life for the past 4 months. It was really difficult for the first month, but after the first month, I adapted to the new environment. I joined the worship teams, both Chinese and English, I joined the cell group and also helping the Girls' Brigade. I feel so contented. In the morning, I came into the office and work and I still manage to do what I want after working hour. During my 4 months stay, I knew a couple of friends and although they are young and do not understand me fully, they're always there to cheers.

I told a group of friends about my dilemma, whether to stay or to leave this place about a month ago. And most of them told me they don't really know how to pray for me as they really wishes I stayed on and they can't seems to bring themselves up to pray that I will succeed in one of the interviews. Well, honestly, I find it difficult to pray either. So, I always pray that the Lord's Will be done instead of my wishes.

I honestly going to miss my cell group in Tawau. A friend told me I feel the sense of belonging here in this cell group because I am not leading. I am not the leader and the sense of responsibility is not placed in my shoulder. That's why I feel joy. I can tell you, I wish the cell group day to arrive every week. Mostly, I think because I have a group of friends whom I am close to, and about my age that I can share with, be it spiritually or not. I am going to miss them.

I met some lawyers in court this morning. I know most of them and we had a chat. Hmm... it's really true of what I want. If I aim to start my own firm here in this small town, then I will have to come back earlier, say now... otherwise... I will have difficulties picking up. I am not standing on my ground merely because of this and also I want to know, where God wants me to go. I am a person who is contented if I am given a good job, good environment, good pay. So.....

I am missing my parents. During these 4 months, we have up and downs but I enjoy time with them although it is not easy to catch up with them after a 10 + years away from home. But God has been great!!!

... I am going KL later in the evening. Hopefully, I can find the answer of whether to stay or leave after this trip.

If you happen to click on this blog tomorrow and friday and see no posting from me... please say a little prayer for me. Thanks...


... will be back ...

This week !!!

Well, well, well... this week, this blog will have limited posting due to some of the reasons listed below:

1. I am busy because of some works;

2. I am busy preparing myself for the interviews (have to do lots of reading);

3. I will be away from Tawau for the next few days;

4. I have nothing much to share;

5. My mind is not functioning well; and

6. I am lazy.

Yes. Due to some reasons, I think I am a bit upset leaving Tawau. Firstly, it is not easy to leave my parents in Tawau. Secondly, it is difficult to leave my cell group. I seldom feel the sense of belonging so much in a cell group, but this one, I just love it. Thirdly, of course, it is hard to leave the 'heaven' and to go to the 'hell'. This coming year will be a difficult one, but I hope it is better than last year. By the end of this year, I hope my finances can be more stable and can give my parents the full support. That's my 'wishes' and 'dreams' for the moment. And that's my only MOTIVATION now.

Well, for those of you who knows me and remember me in your prayer, do continue to pray for me. Pray that a good firm with good pay will give me a good job. Thanks. ...

- praying -

Admitted to the High Court of Sabah & Sarawak at the State of Sabah!

Yup.. thank God for His wonderful blessing and that I was admitted to the Sabah Bar yesterday, 13th day of January 2006. This year has started rather good so far for me and my family. At least, finally... I have got 2 Bars within a year.

I am sure some of the people are proud of me, but I am not proud of myself, really... But nevertheless, I have done with what I should and now, it's time to gain back what I have used.

Thanks for those who has always been around to support my 'suffering' and 'pain' and also praying hard for me!!! My 'success' is all yours. May God continue to bless you all!!!

- thanks -

Lazy...

Yup.. i am so lazy to write anything on my blog today......!!! nothing much to write anyway.... going to KK tonight.. !!! Lots of works on my table... sent a few application to law firms this morning... and yup.. nothing else!!!

Due to some fault my boss did, everyone else in the firm get some blame over some little thing/mistakes we did yesterday. Boss is not around today. We are sort of feeling relief though. hahahahaha... well, he just called.....thank goodness the line wasn't good and it went off, so, i haven't get the chance to talk to him yet. Although i know it has to do with works.

well, well, well... after tomorrow, I will be an Advocate in Sabah as well as Malaya. Good start for the year!!!

But yup.. have to get a job soon to start my new chapter of life.. !!!

- thanks -

BUSY

Yes.. I am so sorry about not being able to put something on my blog today. Well, simply because my boss missed the flight this morning and missed the mention in KK court. Although it has very minimal impact on me, but nevertheless my schedule and things are 'disturbed'. Well, after all, I got something solved, ie. Affidavit of service, draft order, letters, looking at the list of the ordinances that I plan to get and some other stuffs.

Oh, for some of you whom I failed to informed, my application to be admitted to the Sabah Bar is fixed for hearing on 13th day of January 2006. My dad will be there to robe me and my master will be there to move my call. Thanks for everyone!!! So, before I get called, I shall get things done. I called the Sabah Law Association, no objection from their side. I called the State Attorney-General office, the person in charge not around but I am 90% certain that there's no objection from her either, otherwise, they would have called me.

So, yup... now waiting for the moment to come so that I can give glory and thanks to the Lord and everyone who has been supporting me all these while.

So, this KK trip will be a short but fruitful one as I will be called, right after that, I do hope to be able to get some ordinances from the Jabatan Percetakan Negeri Sabah, then will have lunch with some relatives and then will pay my God-mother a visit if time allow.

So, yeah.. for those of you who really love me.. please ... say a little prayer for me, ok? thanks.

- thanks -

Tired but Fruitful Weekend trip!!

It was raining and it because because of the meeting in the office that I finish work late on last Friday. I rushed home after that, had my dinner at 6:15pm and there I was on my way to the airport to catch the 8:20pm flight to Kota Kinabalu. Well, I dragged my heart and soul and mind to Kota Kinabalu because of the stupid, unnecessary, expensive one day compulsory course and exam on Saturday. I need to attend the said course to enable me to be admitted to the Sabah Bar althought it is never a requirement set under the Advocates Ordinance.

On Friday evening at 9pm. I arrived the airport and friend was there to fetch me. The moment I enter the car, I was asked whether I want to join the team (Members of Faith Christian Center, KL) in Christ the King, Kingfisher. I was very tired because I only went to sleep at 3am the night before, but it sounds persuasive and hence, we went to meet the team. It was a wonderful evening although I didn't do much and I was late for the meeting. I was blessed. After the meeting, it was the selling of Jonathan's Album, the Purpose and thereafter, we went for supper. I tag along with the team as the host invited them. I get along with some youth and it was really great and wonderful time. I reached my friend's place at about 12am.

The next day, the course starts at 8am. I dragged myself there... thinking I will be suffering there for the whole day. After I registered myself, someone named Tony came and talked to me. Thereafter, a few other guys and gals came and we get along quite well. At the end of the day, we knew each other quite well and some of us are going to meet again this coming Friday, 13.1.2006 in the High Court of Sabah & Sarawak in Sabah for the Admission hearing. And it was them that made me realise that I ought to file in a document by Monday, 9.1.2006. It's quite impossible for me to get it done on time, but I will have to find the way. I finished the course at 6:30pm. Right after that, I called a few person to try to solve my problem. I got our office's runners to help me to get it down by Monday. But firstly, I will have to get the documents drafted and signed. I therefore, called my cousin. She and her husband were kind enough to fetch me and helped me with all the documents. I even manage to meet my grandaunty and an uncle and aunty and some relatives that I haven't meet for the past 10 years. It was a suprising, unexpected but warm " meet up". YES, I really thank God that I got my problem solved after all. I reached my friend's place at about 10:30pm. I wanted to take my shower. I tried to open my luggage, but... the lock was not functioning. It was locked and I failed to open it although I was so sure that the number was correctly set. I was a bit frustrated due to all these tiring days and matters. I therefore, tried to break open it by a scru-driver with the most minimal damage possible. I did. I broke it, but it's still useable. Got my shower done, then set my head on the pillow. I was so tired!!!

The next day, Sunday morning, I woke up at 6:40am. Went to All Saints Cathedral for the 7:30am English service. I met a few friends there, i.e. Pastor Margeret Chong, Rev. Chok Kee and family, Rev. Chee Wai (dunno how to spell his name in English), Brooke Anne, Jonathan Tse and Fung Fung (both, I actually arranged to meet them there). Wow.. to be honest... I missed the traditional service. Archdeacon Albert Vun was there. He is now the priest for All Saints Cathedral as well as St.Patrick's Church, Tawau. But he will be there in All Saints most of the time now. He preached a very darring but forceful and persuasive sermon. I am sure some will start critisising, but I think he should preach what he preached. After the English service, I joined Jonathan (representing FCC, KL) to D'Stream Anglican Church for a visit. Oh.. before we left All Saints, I met a friend... I almost forgot this friend. He used to stayed with us for a while when he came over to study in Tawau. He is originally a Lahad Datu guy.. but.. well.. he claimed now that, he is from Tawau. hahahaha.. yeah.. really nice to be able too met him. Back to D'Stream... I cannot believe I met so many familiar faces there. If you have been in FCC for long, I am sure you know who is Aunty Katherine... and Lucciana. hahaha.. yes, I met them.. and of course, Pastor Kenneth and Pastor Thomas as well.

While I was talking with Aunty Katherine, this girl came to me and said: "Pei San, do you remember me?". I was shocked. ... Suprisingly, I think I know who she is, but I can't be sure. AFter a good 12 years and she appeared in front me? I have been looking for her all these while, but I failed. But.. wow.. she is standing just in front of me. I was so suprise...!!!!!!! Cathrine Kong she is... wow.. !!! Long time. I met her in the Anglican first INTRIGUE in 1993. We write to each other quite often until I went over to study in England and she went over to Singapore for a nursing course. Wow.... she still remember my address and she was so suprise to know that I still remember she was studying Nursing in Singapore. hahaha..... if time allows, I really wish I can sit down with her and chat. But... I was in hurry... !!! Yes... right after D'stream, we went back to All Saints and fetched Fung Fung for lunch and shopping. We were in hurry because Jonathan have to go to Keninggau after lunch. We went to Damai. hahahaha... we met so many church friends there................ we keep on saying "hi" and "bye" on our way to and fro the eating place.

During the lunch, I manage to talk and share with both Jonathan and Fung Fung about the churches in Kota Kinabalu and what they might be facing and giving them some churches and people's history. I can't believe that 2 of these friends of mine are leaving KL or Tawau soon for KK. I went shopping, then Tanjung Aru for some food and drinks thereafter before I catch the 5:40pm flight back to Tawau. I reached Tawau at 6:30pm. Parents then brought me to Dreamland for set dinner and shopping for 'chinese new year' in a shop. When we reached home and after I took my shower, I came down, and we enjoyed the dried cutterfish I brought back from KK. Dad is an expert for that sort of cutterfish as my grandfather use to sell that as living. We enjoyed it so much. I was so tired and when the clock turned 11pm, I hardly open my eyes and I went to sleep.

This trip... was tiring.. but fruitful. I enjoy every moment of it. I now, started to miss my life in Sabah. I love travelling.. and I love meeting friends when I travels. Hmm........some friends I met in the course did gave me some insight about where to choose to stay and work... most of them choose Sabah because in deed, we can be boss easily in Sabah and well, ... I guess every lawyer will at the end open their own firm one day... but if we work in KL, it is quite difficult. Hmm.............!!! That, really struck my mind... !!! I am still praying hard. If God shuts all my doors in KL, I shall come back to Sabah. It's therefore all depends on 19 and 20 January's interviews. hahahaha..

Please, continue to remember me in your prayer!!!

Defamatory!

It was this blog that I always visited that caught my attention yesterday althought it was written in Indonesian. I visit this blog quite often but whenever it was published in Indonesian, I seldom read as I think the writter doesn't really write it to the public but to her friends and family. I respect her in this way all these while. I always think she is brave, she has some really great character, independent and always know how to voice out her feeling and so on. I think the first time I posted my comment on her blog was the time she wrote something about the counterfeite notes issued sometime last year. Unfortunately, things went a bit different yesterday as I think her words are defamatory. She did voiced out about her feeling with her boyfriend, how she felt about the Christmas party she attended and even voiced how difficult it was to get around with her boyfriends' friends, etc. I appreciate the writing and the boldness of the sharing but not the way she put it. I guess words that was used was a bit offensive in general. My first impression on this post was she is offending the chinese Malaysian. She commented about chinese Malaysia who speaks different languages, ie. Hokkian and she said someting about she is suffering from language bearer, etc. Which honestly, I think that's non-sense as I was in that situation before and I never blame others because I do not understand their language. In fact, I tried to get around with them and I tried to even learn their language. I think , putting some efforts into it would be a good solution rather than being fake in front of others and putting such a comment on a blog. Well, I am just feeling a bit hurt and sad when I read the blog, especially when she did comment the people in that party (Malaysian) as "rubbish".

However, this morning I woke up and think that she might be in difficulties. Well, I believe everyone who is in relationship with someone who doesn't grow up with them in the same culture would have the same problem unless you have a same group of friends together. Well, at least I was in trouble getting along with my ex's friends. All they talks are 'rough' words, go pub, talks about birs, girls and corruption at all time. Well, those culture and life styles.. which I can hardly accept. I believe this friend who post such a post on the blog is a way to relief her feeling on frustration on how difficult it was to get along despite all the efforts put. But she must understand that this world is not all about "freedom of speech" but also about "defamation". There is limit on everything. She must know how far can she goes.

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This morning I woke up on time although I slept at 3am. I am catching an evening flight to KK to attend a one day course tomorrow. I woke up thinking today will be a fine day until my mom started to comment on me studying for too long. Well, I almost wanting to ask her why she gave birth to me and didn't give me wisdom as like my brother. I also almost wanting to ask her if I do have choice besides all these. I wonder what did she expect? That I achive as a lawyer after getting a degree without going through all these non-sense? How is that possible?? If she is more wealthy, may be I can get the Bar in England instead? I think the main reason I am leaving Tawau is quite clear. Avoid myself to have conflict with my mom and I can hardly stay with her if she has such character. So, yes... I better get myself organised and go back to KL ASAP. Not that I hate her, but I just don't like it when she start speaking those words. May be I should give up law in the first place? oh .. wait... who didn't agree and allow me to go and study interior design in the first place?? Isn't that my mom? Now what?? I pulled myself up to this stage to achieve what she seems is 'correct' and I ended up being given much pressures by her? What's all these???? She has spoken as if I wanted and LIKE to go through all these. I am confused!!!

Hai.......well? she is still my mom loh....!!!

????

"EMPTY"

... I really do not have a single thing in mind this morning.

Woke up thinking it was still early due to the 'darkness' in the room and the house. It's a rainy day... was caught in the jam, then can't find parking space, late. Good thing is, I am earlier than my boss!

A client called for advice before hearing tomorrow. Got 2 files on my table that need attention. 2 bundles of cases and research need to be done. One written submission need to be done. But yet, I don't feel like doing anything. May be I should sort out the 2 files first.

Talked to my ex-boss in KL who gave me an offer about me trying to attend a few interviews if possible. He seems ok about it but he also asked me to meet him up and to visit the firm before I make any decision. Well, a friend did asked me why did I still look for other firms if I know he is offering me a place. Well, the point is I did asked him about the offer, the prospect, the paid, but he is not sure himself. So, I am not convinced and therefore, I apply to other firms as well.

Another friend of mine asked me what's my defination for "good firm". Well, to me a good firm is a firm where it can satisfied me in achieving what I want, comfortable, good paid but not stressful and long working life. I told her that I do not wish to lives a life of a cow because I am a human being. I do need time to serve the Lord. Something that a cow do not have. I want to be differentiate from that. But at the same time, I do hope to get a very satisfied working life. Honestly, I am scare to enter into a firm like my current firm, where I am so relax, nothing much to do, no motivation, don't know where I am heading to.

A friend said I am a doomed.... well? ... what can I say? I really wish to be able to stay with my parents in Tawau but at the same time, get to do a job that's like KL working life. ... but that's IMPOSSIBLE.

So, yes... that's what in my mind this morning.

...

Speechless!!!

I was so worried about not getting a job lately. Hence, I sent a few application. I didn't hear from any firm since then until yesterday. 2 firms that called me... are not my 'so wanted' firms. Both asked me for interview. Hmm....apparently, I got 2 friends working in that 2 firms. Firm A's friend told me no need to come for firm A interview because I will be working under a very fierce and terrible boss. Friend said, it is worse than one of my partner in my old firm, which means.... VERY BAD BOSS. Another friend heard about me in Firm B, text me last night asking if it was me that apply to Firm B. She said the firm is ok. Their paid is quite good also. But it is located in Mont' Kiara. Those of you who know would probably say it is far and food there is very expensive. ... So, I am thinking... and wondering and I just don't know what to do now. Some friends did advice me to go through the interview to find out more first. If that's the case, I will have to call them up and ask them if interview can be set on 16 or 17 of January 2006. I did apply for 3 other 'so wanted' firm, but I heard nothing from them yet. Shall I or shall I not call them? Hmm........................................!!! Some firm, if they do not have vanancies, they will just send you a letter to tell you so. Hence, I am wondering, if they have sent letter to me. If that is the case, I shall not wait, but attend the 2 interviews.

----- dilemma -----

Year 2006!

First of all, Happy and Blessed New Year, everyone...!!!

I trusted that you had a wonderful celebration and fellowship on new year! Without realising it, this is the first new year I had at home for the 10 years. ... I almost forgot how Tawau celebrated new year!!! Some of you would remember that the ships are doing some 'horning' when the clock turns 12am on 01.01 every year. This year, a friend called and asked if I would like to join them in 'counting down' at the old Tawau airport. What really suprise me was, the old Tawau airport now is empty and the only used of it is to watch fireworks on new year eve. hahaha..... !!!

Throughout the whole near year, I was pondering over a few issues here in Tawau. Government here in Tawau did very few things to improve the town. And that's not about it. I realise that, even if the Government did something, the people of Tawau might not like it and they generally 'hate' changes. For example:

Service on Sunday/New year ended and my parents and I were heading to a restaurant to have our lunch. Recently, the Majilis Perbandaran Tawau (MPT) changed one of the road and give no entry to any car in this particular road. But I guess this driver or the citizen of Tawau are not very happy about the chnages the government made. Hence, he tried to change things with his own hand. He tried to access that road without caring the consequences. Everyone who were watching him knows that cars are coming out from his opposite direction. I find it quite amusing and at the same time, questioning his intention. I wonder if he want to kill himself or he want to challenge our authority (trying to be smart). Honestly, for a good 5 minutes, he was so determine and he didn't remove his car a little bit. He blocked all the cars, worsen the traffic and yet, got angry with cars that came out from that particular junction. Giving everyone the 'signal' that it is HIS right of way. I was really confused and actually, everyone was. I still can't make out why he want to do that!!!

Anyway, I do not want to think about it...

I was woke up by this dream in my mind this morning: I entered into this law firm in Tawau and worked happily there. I found myself there and manage to do what I want to do. ... hmm.. and there, I woke up.. wondering if I shouldn't go back to KL but stay in Tawau and change law firm instead. ... !!!! I let the Lord to decide!!! If there is not offer from any law firm in KL, I shall move back to Tawau although I am quite sure that I will get something in KL and I wanted to do something that Tawau cannot give.

It's 2006 and my future seems ... unclear!!!! But... my future lies in the hands of God. So, I shall let God do everything!!!