Many years ago, I remember my brother reminded me that, I cannot use the standard my parents taught me to expect things and people to be the same as we were taught. He labelled the way we we taught and the way we grew up were almost perfect. It was a small matter than, but as I grew up and faces different people from different background and cultures, I realised not that I need to learn to distinguish between what I can compromise, and what I cannot.
I was depressed. Very depressed because I hold tight on certain principles in life and not only that I cannot disagree with how others respond and handle the situation and matter, I also cannot compromise AT ALL. Who suffer? I do.
Was I too harsh to pinpoint the wrong doing of my sister, Leane, whom I love? After sharing the burden with a friend who always encourage me in my daily struggles, she scolded me being 'stupid' for not knowing that she left my life because through my life, she realised how imperfect she is. I only know that we were of different level, but i didn't realised she's ashamed because I said things rightful about her sin. No one, at least not many.... would be able to accept that others said something right after some secret and sinful sin they committed.
I was reminded on last week's sermon. Again, i heard my dad telling me, "according to the bible, as a spiritual leader, what you did was right. you didn't do anything wrong". This was told when I couldn't compromised on certain activities and actions of two christians couples. Again, this time, it happens again, unfortunately, to my dearest sister. Sad, but unfortunately, I wasn't able to compromise because that's what I couldn't compromise about, not just the action or her lies, but I couldn't and will not compromise to the sin. I disagree that this sin be committed on people who stays in my place, who under my care and coverage. Thank you Bishop John for reminding me by looking at my eyes and told me once again, "no, as a sister in Christ and as a spiritual leader, i did not do anything wrong to try my best to make sure her path is straight". But that's it. Since she quoted that even her parents are agreeable to what she did, I know i do not need to care or cover her anymore. I released myself from taking care of her even though it's so painful to do so. I am upset. I upset that I lost the battle, I lost her to Satan. I angry with myself and I angry that she didn't even fight. I was furious in fact. But I still pray that God will have mercy on her and that she is still cover under the wings of God. For now, I need to be released for a greater works than focus on the 0.001% lost souls in the world.
Thank you Lord.... for telling me once again, it's not my fault. It's just that it's not what I should compromise.
- right or wrong, why do i care? -
