So happy...

I am so happy when I saw 2 people whom I have not seen for many years. They are Bishop Ping Chung and Aunty Julia. Wow... it's so suprise when I saw them and as usual, I gave them a shock. They didn't know I am in Kota Kinabalu and we exchanged a few updates and because my car was blocking someone's car, so we only manage to talk for about 10 to 15 minutes. But it was a happy moment. For the rest of that day, I was feeling happy and missing them. Well... if you ask me how I got connected with them, I would have start with ... piano lesson I guess. I learned piano with aunty Julia when she first came over to Tawau. You know almost everyone hates piano lesson and so do I. My previous teacher just made me felt sick about playing piano or she made me feel that dying is better than playing piano. Extreme? Well, my be it sounds a bit of extreme to you, but it was how I felt then. Well... back to Auntie Julia. On my first few weeks, I realise that she is using some other methods to teach me. She didn't ask me to look at the BOOKS and play, she is training me to play by some methods which I think is unique and effective. Well, to cut the story short, I have learned my piano with her then until she left to Kota Kinabalu when Bishop Ping Chung was promoted as Bishop. I did visited them a few times after that but because I was in England and Kuala Lumpur for the past 9 years, I didn't manage to visit them more often. When I return to work in Kota Kinabalu this June, I missed them because they left to Kota Kinabalu to U.S.

Life is short and I am just happy that despite the fact that life is short, after so many years, we still manage to met again. They always been a good encouragement to me in my life. Well, I thank God for them.

- so happy -

Compassion for the LOST one...!!!

For the past 2 days of Hari Raya holiday, I spent most of the time sleeping, resting, and watching some movies at home. In the evening, I joined a group of youth for a concern held by Joshua Team from Taiwan. On the first evening, I reached the venue very early and while talking to 2 other full time staffs, I was troubled by one statement one of them made: “Pei San, you have the burden for the youth … I can see that”. Well, I wasn’t sure if it was our last meet up have anything to do with it, but like I mentioned earlier on in my blog that I really feel pain in my heart to see only a few youth attended our youth fellowship. The Joshua Team from Taiwan was here to give a 3 days conference and many youth in the whole Kota Kinabalu and/or Sabah attended it. I met many youth from other places like Beaufort, Papar and other churches in KK except my church in KK which only have around 9 of us. Well, … during the whole concern/meeting, my mind were just wandering around thinking about this issue. Honestly, my heart says : “Do something about the Youth”. But what can I do? I can see every churches’ youth pastor were there on that 3 days conference but where is ours? It’s saddening because we do not have a youth pastor and even our pastor and full time staff were away for official visit in Kuala Lumpur for the whole week.

On the second day, I was suppose to meet someone for dinner before the concern starts, but while I was on my way to the dinner, I was notified that one of our youth from my home church in Tawau was robbed. So, we went to the police station with the youth who is only 14 years old. While I was waiting outside for this youth to give see the Investigation officer, I was asked by another one whether I can help him to do a translation. I went in and I saw 2 persons being arrested. One, a 14 years old youth (Chinese) and another, around 50 years old Malay adult. I was asked to translate what the youth says. So I did and while I was translating, only then I caught the picture of the case. The 50 years old Malay is the child’s father worker and the child usually helped him and his father. So, yesterday, the child did the same thing by helping the Malay worker in reversing the car. The Malay worker put the key, before he starts the car, he went over to the other side to close the door, while he did that, the 14 years old child climb up to the Lorry (yes, it is a lorry and sorry for not telling earlier) and starts the engine. It could be the gear was on 1 and therefore, the car move forward and it hit a child, a 6 years old child who went for a Hari Raya visitation with his mother. His mother was holding one of his right hand while his head was pushed by the lorry and struck into the wall causing a hole on the wall. After translating for the investigating officer, he asked me to leave. Well, I was troubled by it because the investigating interrogation or whatever you want to call it, was not properly done. The child is only 14 years old and he was not accompanied by any adults or represented by any lawyer. He certainly do not know what is going to happen to him. He doesn’t understand a lot of Malay words. Secondly, the investigating officer is interrogating both of them in one room. Two of them obviously had given different version of testimonies. This is unfair to both parties. Honestly, I was troubled very much by this incident during the whole concern and not our youth who were robbed.

While I was praise and worshiping God and seeing so many other youth who were jumping, shouting, singing, praising God, my mind really hurts when I thought of the youth that I saw earlier in the police station. While a group of youth enjoying themselves in the concert, there was a lost soul in the police station, wandering what his future is going to be like and struggling with life. I heart truly was saddening by this incident.

This morning, I was reading newspaper and I saw a reporting with regards to this case. Both the child and the Malay worker is going to be charged under 304, Penal Code for Manslaughter. Well, under the Penal Code, there are 3 types of charges. First one is 304 which is culpable homicide not amounting to murder, if act by which the death is caused is done with intention of causing death. The second one is – If act is done with knowledge that it is likely to cause death, but without any intention to cause death, etc. The third one is under Penal Code 304A where it is causing death by rash or negligent act. In my opinion, I hope both of them will be charged under 304A as they did caused death of others by their negligent. The maximum punishment for this kind of charges is 2 years imprisonment, or fine or both.

While we were shown a video clip on mission in India, I really thought of this youth.

I think my heart is really feeling to go for mission NOW… I do not want to wait any longer. I wanted to do another business and actually I think, I had one already… that I am not trying to gain money, but lives. Now I pray that I will get a support (financially) and go for it. I have fixed one 2 weeks ago and I guess I want another one at the end of next year.

- compassion for the LOST -

TIRED with such soul = 'holiday'!

I had difficulties going into deep sleep/rest. I am not so sure about the cause, but I guess it was partly because of a friend/church member. This guy ... always trying to catch our attentions. He will do all sort of things to make us worry about him, care about him, talked to him, etc. etc. To me, he is living a pathetic life. I am not very sure what he is thinking because he has difficulties in sharing. A few thought he should go through a counseling. The problem is that, he doesn't admit that he has a problem and he is not letting anyone of us to help him. He tried his very best to share it to a pastor who is close to him in another church and that, makes him feel that he belongs to that church. My heart is painful when I knew that a few of friends and me are one of his 'topic' when he talked to that pastor. I guess the reasn behind is that, with all that I tried, I contributed and it all turned to be bitter and useless and discouragement. A friend has by various occasions encouraged me to not giving up on him but I guess my patient has limitation and my 'contribution' is also feeling TIRED and therefore, I did mentioned for a few days now that I will not speak to him, care for him, do anything to make him feel better. I am seriously feeling tired to care for such person.

For those of you who knows me, you probably would know that it is not easy to make me give up on a person especially those who has problem. But, this one, I also failed to convince myself not to give up. I am sure it is all because we kept on 'giving' and he is neither 'receiving' nor 'giving'. I am honestly, seriously failed to be convinced by his 'contribution' if there is any. I would be happy if he would also take a necessary steps to make things goes on. But he wasn't. And therefore, ... I am really feeling ... TIRED and I AM GIVING UP...!!!!

... well, you probably laughing after you read the above and said: 'haha... you are not, you are not giving up yet'. Well, may be you are right... otherwise, I wouldn't write this blog at all... but I guess I won't do anything for this week. Let's see what happen when I stop 'giving'. I guess, I need a rest/ a HOLIDAY!!!

- RESTING -

Fashion Show!!!

WOW.. ya.. I was told by my pastor that our youth were invited for a Fashion Show event in another church (All Saints Cathedral, KK). Well, as we are sister church, we were encouraged to give them some support. While I was still thinking, I received a call from the pastor in All Saints Cathedral to ask me to help him to take pictures/photos. That has made my feel 'exciting'. Wow... I can't remember when was the last time I felt so good ... I guess I really love photographying... But.. I really wish I have a digital SLR ... !!! Anyway, with my non-ditigal SLR, the pictures are well...

I guess I really likes photographing... ghoosh!!!!!

Blessing!!!

My partner and I had decided to have today (23.10.2006) off because the government offices are off. I am sure both my partner and my worker(s) are happy about the decision but I do not really have that feeling of 'happiness' because... a few days off would mean less income. The condition is worrying although I am very sure that I can get income for the next few months. Well, while I was worry about income, etc... I had a blessing just today itself.

Besides developed 3 films, I had both my lunch and dinner paid by my pastor and a friend. The food were delicious and I am really happy about the first day of my holiday.

- thanks, Lord -

"Lost"

During an interview, Dominic Monaghan were asked about his experience in filming the series "LOST". Among the questions, 2 of which caught my attention because it has been in my mind for the past 9 to 10 years.

When he was asked where is home for him at the moment, he answered: "I've not lived anywhere for any permanent amount of time for about 12 years. I mean, I'm from manchester. If someone ever says, where are you from I say Manchester. I moved out of Manchester when I was 22 and went to New Zealand for nearl 2 and a half years; LA for two years and nwo I've been living in Hawaii for two years." The second question asked was : "So you live out of a suitcase? What's that like?" He answered as such: "Living out of a suitcase? There are element of it that are really fun. I like travelling a lot, I like being in new places. I like the idea that each day is not the same. But I hate the fact that you can't buy anything that is worth any money or that sticks. You can't buy a painting that you like. You just can't buy anything you can't fit in your suitcase, pretty much. And you lose a lot of stuff. Not only entire suitcases but things in suitcases, you know, that you put on the top so they don't get broken and then when you open up your case and that's they first thing they see and they go, "Oh, I'll have that", and they nick it...".

... ya, for the past few years, I keep on travelling, moving places and etc. etc. I was being asked by many why didn't I buy things that I like, etc... and well, ... I guess because I know that I can't as I am still in the 'on the move' position. Well, I have moved out from home (Tawau, Sabah) for about 10 years now and I just calculated ... while I was having dinner with a friend tonight, that... just within this year itself, I have moved among 3 places, changed 3 jobs... !!! As I was changing my car road tax at the Rectory this morning, my pastor reminded me that it is October now... and I just remember that this time last year, I was in Tawau. Time flies... things changed.. and I have obviously gone through the past years just within a glimps of eye.

I always wanted certain things like a good table, home theater system/Hi-fi, bed, cupboard, etc... but I was not allowed!!! Well.. at least, NOT YET!!!!

- on the move -

Passion / Burden...

I joined this church about 3 months ago and since I always have heart for the young people, in a way, I scare to pay them a visit (well, I do not want to get involved so much) However, I was introduced to the youth leaders and I am not sure how it came along, I was invited to take a session last Saturday in their Youth meeting. So, that leaves me no choice but to pay them a visit. It has a total of around 15-20 people that evening and the number itself has just gave me a shock. During the meeting, they do not seems to have the passion althought they were enjoying themselves.

Well, I guess... that really hurts me... I mean, it is not the reaction that hurts me, but it hurts me when I saw so few in the youth and they doesn't seems 'active' enough. I am not sure if that's the burden God placed in my heart, but I certainly know that something need to be done...

While I was having a tea break with a friend, she mentioned about running a camp for the youth and so on. Well, I know I have to put my focus back to my Cell group (Young Adult), but I guess I notified the needs in the Youth now because without them, I won't be able to have more Young Adult. So, I have come out with something in mind... a camp, equipping camp. A Camp that equips them to follow Christ everyday of their life. A Camp that can makes them to put God first in their life, so as to prepare them for their future and also a Camp that will prepare them for God's calling. Well, it is going to be hard work and I do need a few good leaders to help me with. But, I am ready to give them a hand and I want to make everyone knows and acknowledge my church youth.

Suddenly, I feel burden....

- passion / burden? -

Friends? which one?

A few days ago, I have no choice but to visit this coffee outlet (CB) with a friend. I am not saying that I do not like this outlet, but I just prefer to visit Starbucks because of its better taste. Or shall I say, a better taste according to my own preference. Well, yesterday morning... a friend SMS me in the morning and informed me that Starbucks in Center Point has opened. I was so happy about it and I confirmed it with newspaper and noted that in fact, 2 outlets are opening. One in Center Point, another at Warisan Square. Ops... for those of you who have not visited KK for a long time, you might wonder where exactly is Warisan Square.. it is located just next to Centre point, facing the sea and outlets like Quicksilver, Espirt are opened there either. So, yes.. STARBUCKS!!!! I can't wait to give it a visit soon...

Back to the visit to CB. The main reason of me and my friend visiting that place was because we need to discuss over a person that happen to be quite disturbing over the few days in our lives. Well, I am not sure about my friend, but to me, this person has really made me WORRY about him. Well, to me.. he has no sense of direction in life, he needs attention from others but he want to control everyone's life. I really think he needs some counselling, etc... So, yes, I have been quite fed up dealing with this person these few days... he has been really disturbing althought I am not a party (except as friend) to really care for him. hai...

So, a friend is getting married this Saturday. Well, I must have hurted him before I do not know... but he is getting married and what i get was an SMS from him inforoming as such: I am getting married on XX.XX.XXXX but I am not inviting you to my wedding. You can come for the service at XXXX. Well, in a second I thought I read wrongly... after a few seconds later, I replied him and congratulate him and never say anything. I consulted a few friends and they think I shouldn't attend his wedding. Ha....!!! funny.. really funny SMS. I am not hurt because if he invited me, my wallet will be hurt. hahaha...

So, I guess that's the update for now...

Just a minute ago, my partner called and said Starbucks was given out free lunch today and I have missed it...

GHOOSH.... she is really terrible didn't she? ...

- nice to have friends -

Update

I can't do more than an update today. Well, if you ask me, I am busy, but not exactly with business or anything related to monetary terms. I rushed a few things today, from renewing my road tax to meeting clients. Things are MOVING... !!!

Well, so as my life... it has been a week since I last posted a blog. I had a food poisoning about a week ago and that had made many things happen following that incident. i.e. rested at home, business came in although there is not a lot, concentrated more on other things like ministries, etc. Well, this incident had reminded me that I am just a human being and therefore, there are many things that's out of my control. I should just relax and enjoy life to the fullest instead of worrying over whether there is business, whether I have enough to use, etc. etc.

Well, a few things also reminded me over the past week that, life is fragile and everything that we can control over is 'fragile'. There are many things we thought we can control over but we are wrong at all times. We cannot even control if our heart will stop even at this very second or even of how people reacted towards what we do sometimes.

Well, i am not feeling 'down' or 'gray' over this world.. I guess, I was just over confidence over myself for the past few weeks and thought I can bring this business to a higher level with my own ability. And well.. i was slapped on my face... so, that's good. hahaha...

- reminded-

Food Poisoning!!

YA.... after a late dinner on Monday after prayer meeting, I suffered from this stomach pain and stomach discomfort and that made me sleepless. I walked around, I sit, I stand up, I do whatever things just to make myself feel better but it just not possible. I was so tired after a few hours and I felt aleep at about 3 in the morning. Then I woke up at 6, rushed to the toilet and I realise then that I must have had a food poisoning. I couldn't wake up the next day and I certainly can't put anything in my mouth because it came out, even water. So, I text my cell members to check if they suffer the same because I had late dinner with them. They all called me and said they are fine except me and another called and said, my pastor also suffer the same. I rushed to see a client yesterday and thereafter I went to see doctor. The doctor confirmed that I had food poisoning, gastric and even fever. He gave me medicine, I had it, sleep until someone called and said they are coming to my place with porridge and bread. Thankful for their care and love. I had the porridge (some of you know how much I hate porridge) and med but almost immediately, I thrown out all those food. But this time, after throwing out, I felt much better. Although I feel weak, but I feel much better.

This morning, some workers came to repair the floor in the apartment that I am staying and ... I just couldn't help myself but to lay down and sleep and rest. I know I should eat something but I just couldn't... no appetite at all. I mean.. AT ALL. I made myself break and rice but I couldn't finish it. I just do not feel like eating. It is so suffering....!!!

I am still feeling dizzy and weak... but I do need to prepare for cell group tonight and therefore I am here to update you the news about myself and to prepare for tonight. Hmm.... I cannot remember when was the last time I had such a terrible sickness. But I really thank God that everything is well. Hope sickness will not goes further.

- pray -

Opportunity!

I am involving myself in a big 'project' with the help and guidance from my previous boss or immediate superior (hereinafter referred to as "my ex-boss"). While I was doing one of the work yesterday, I realise that experiences can be gained easily and faster if we do have someone to guide us and also an OPPORTUNITY given to us. Well, if you ask me how good is my ex-boss, the only thing I can tell you is that, he is a GodlyLawyer and he trains GodlyLawyer too. He has 34 years experiences as a lawyer and he is a christian. Well, during my time with him, he has gave me various opportunities to expose on various cases and files. He guided me through and also gave me a lot of advice, especially guidance to be a christian lawyer. I guess, in a way... he has trained me to a lawyer different from the rest and that made me deal with things differently. I found it so difficult to get along with other lawyers because they are so much different from who I am trained as. I wouldn't do a work for money. I wouldn't be a money's slave. Even though I am poor and feeling helpless sometimes, but money that's not worth for me to trade my faith with, I wouldn't do. I tell the truth. I advice my clients properly and all these, I learned it from him. He is not my master on record, but I do always regard him as my master.

Ya.. and a friend reminded me that, I am indeed blessed with such a person/master/ex-boss. Even today, I received phone calls from him occasionally just to ask how things goes at my side. I left the previous firm about a year ago and he also left after I left. He has gone back to join his previous partnership and the more I get to know his partner and his firm, I started to understand most of the things he used to told me now, of being a christian lawyer.

So, I guess... an opportunity sometimes is not EARNED, it is at most time: GIVEN. Not only by people, but also by God. Well, ... my life is not in my hand. My life is in His hand.. and I am now really asking God for more opportunity to serve Him in various ways, including being a christian lawyer.

- opportunity -

Busy?

In a way, yes... I am busy...!!! Well, some people always react by saying "That's good. That's mean, there's business", when they heard that I said I am busy. But that's not exactly true because I am not busy with business lately. I am busy with some other thing... NON-PROFITABLE/ NON-MONETARY business, i.e. church, counselling, encouraging, answering phone calls, buying tickets, serving others, bringing car for inspection in Puspakom, calling insurance company to renew my car insurance and road tax and servicing my car, and others. So, yes.. in a way, I am really busy these few days.

My cell group just started its first cell group meeting yesterday (04.10.2006). We have a total of 10 persons joined the first cell group meeting and I was glad that they remember what I said until now because they used it on me. hahaha... so, yes.. we enjoyed ourselves very much. The Cell group members relationship built up matter is still on the move and that makes us meeting again tomorrow evening (06.10.2006) for movie.

Besides that, of course... I am trying to do all necessary things and works trying to get in some business. Some people called and made enquiry but ended up didn't continue with what they want to do. Well, ...

I woke up at 6am this morning just because I was FORCED to bring my car to Puspakom for a compulsory inspection. What do I mean? Well, according to the Road Tax department (JPJ), all cars shipped back from West Malaysia do need an inspection to determine that it is not a stolen car or car that has changed its engine,etc... As my road tax is expiring on 22.10.2006, I do need to do the inspection soon. So, yes, I am very tired now as it is 1.15am on 06.10.2006.

My burden and worries get worse when my partner is going away for a holiday because she won a free ticket during a dinner to Taiwan. Well, I asked myself what if I am in her position.. well, of course go for it... so, ya... free thing doesn't come that often, so... I will have to let her go. Meanwhile, I am trying to meet some developer and company to get myself in as their penal lawyer. Honestly... last month till now, it's too quiet. I am started to feel worry... (if I said this, my cell member will tell me: have faith in God because we talked about Faith this week in Cell Group).

So, if you asked me if I am busy ... YES. I AM!!!

Suffer now or later?

The chinese educated will understand the above statement well as there's a saying which says, suffer earlier and enjoy later. During the whole weekend, this phrase was in my mind because: -

1st Scenario, TIME:

A pastor who recently moved to KK with her family from Tawau asked how far it is for me to travel to work from where I am staying. I answered her and said, between 20 to 30 minutes and she looked at me with this 'shocking' face. Then she asked again, "And you think it is ok?" Well, to me, I used to travel about 2 to 2 1/2 hours to work when I was in KL and now, it only takes me 20 to 30 minutes to work and of course it is BETTER. To her and her family, that's NOT OK because they used to travel 5 to 10 minutes to work and now, 20 to 30 minutes to work.

2nd Scenario, FINANCES:

Another pastor used to told me this. She said, if we were poor before, we would know how to feel contented easier than those who has not suffer poverty before. Well, if you used to be poor, and you remain poor now, you can still use RM1000 for a month well. But if you used to have RM4000 per month, you will have difficulties in using RM1000 later. If you are poor and when you have RM4000, you surely feel like you are the richest man in the world. But if you are rich and you receive RM4000, you feel like you are being insulted.

3rd Scenario, RELATIONSHIP:

Some people gets into relationship (courtship) when they were very young and therefore, whatever they do, whatever they plan, how they lives, how they react, it's all about this relationship. To them, relationship is everything but they only feel it's like a obligation/responsibility after a long tim. For those who do not involve in relationship when they were very young, they tend to treasure the moment when they started to get involved in a relationship. At that very moment, to them... it is the BEST time in their life. OK. let us see when they breaks up... of course the one with longer relationship will feel more hurting that the one just involved.

4th Scenario, GOD:

Those who suffer long enough for not be able to find GOD/LOVE/SAVIOUR and found it, it certainly brought joy and happiness and peace. Tears might dropped without stopping the moment they accepted Christ as their Saviour. For those who received Christ for many years, most of us need to remind ourselves of the 'first love' again and again so that we do not lost our passion in Christ.

So? I guess all these proved the chinese saving: "Bitter first, Sweet later"