Mercy and grace.

During my primary time, I was one of the rebellious and naughty student in school.  I was never good in studies and I don’t like studies because I guess, no matter how much I try and work hard for, I will never pleases my parents because my elder brother was always the best or better one.  I didn’t really care how well or unwell I did in my studies.  I remember there’s one occasion, I was chatting with my classmate until my teacher was angry and called me to stand up.  I know i will get my punishment, but I was reluctant and took longer than usual to stand up on my feet.  I must be thinking, if I can just stand up slower, the bell will ring and I might not even need to get my punishment.  

Doesn’t that sounds like us all in this world where we were doing what we think we want to get what we want and at the same time, trying to get away to what we have done wrong in life? Liar, being terrible person, being a bad friend, being a bad lawyer, not taking up enough responsibility, always being self-centred, etc. That’s all of us and me included of course.  In trying to achieving what we want to achieve, we won’t think about consequences and trying to do anything we can do delay or escape from punishment or penalty.  

In God’s eyes, we are unable to escape.  We will have to face our sin before Him.  One day, He is coming to judge us.  There’s no way we can escape.  Even with the best escape plan you have or can handle, there’s no way that we are going to escape.  This is at least how it was suppose to be before the coming of Jesus Christ or before He crucified and died for us.  

As I stand up on my feet, my teacher asked me to walk up to him.  I was trembling because I couldn’t apprehend as to why I need to go out.  The punishment has to be big, i told myself, but at the same time, i was trying to find excuses to justify that I shouldn’t be punish other than standing for a few minutes (because the bell is going to ring any time soon).  As i walked up, my teacher asked me to face my class…. and he then told the whole class, I have won a prize and I have brought pride to the school.  I stand at the same spot for a few seconds with my mind trying to process what I just heard.  “Wait, what? what prize? What competition? which one?” Well, he then told me it is the art competition i submitted through school for the road safety campaign.  I was thrill because I felt that my wrongdoing was being forgotten and forgiven instantly and at the same time, I have to secretly tell you now that, my brother helped me with that drawing. 

Yes.  My sin/wrong doing was not forgiven by what I have done, but by what my brother has done, and his action has redeemed me instantly from my wrongdoing.  

So as Jesus.  There’s nothing that we do can make our sins goes away.  Only through Him who died for us, even when we are not worthy to receive it that we have our sins redeemed by His blood and be forgiven.  This is mercy and grace.  

I am thankful that He died for me and I am thankful that my sins is forgiven and that i have hope for eternal life, the life that I will get to enjoy with my God eternally.  I am happy and grateful and that makes me love Him so much that I am willing to do anything for Him, as long as I pleases Him and walked in His Will. I am just feeling thankful for what He has done for me, for this worthless, rejected, unworthy soul.  Thank you Lord Jesus. 

- Mercy and Grace - 

World or God?

“I don’t have a friend”.  “I am a rejected soul”.  That’s generally what I tell people, especially to those whom I come to know recently.  It’s the truth.  Just that no one ever asked, why did I say that.  Well, the truth is that I probably do know a lot of people, but there’s not one that I can share really close when it comes to facing works, the world, family, responsibilities, and spirituality.  I probably can share what I face at work with some lawyers and they would probably understand if they are also a sole-proprietor who started a firm and run their own law firm.  Likewise, I probably can talk about how wrong biblically I think it is on certain topics with certain people or I don’t at all.  There are topics where it leads me to sum up how much I think the world needed Jesus, etc.  Those, I probably cannot find any audient to my venting at all. And because my life revolves around things and everything around Jesus and God and the fallen world, to be honest, I am unable to find anyone whom I can speak to about most of the time.  So, yes, that’s the reason why I said, “I don’t have a friend”. I really don’t.  At least not one that I can speak and share with the same focus, understanding and wisdom.  

When I am on the verge of whether to take certain cases or not, people will find me being too dramatic and indecisive because money is good for those cases.  All they think about is the profit they can pocket and not about other things, as if life is all about making money, and making money and making money and nothing else.  Well, if you think I am not talking about making money because I am rich enough to not talk about it and divert my concentration on other things, then you are wrong.  I am in debt and I always do not have enough to feed even myself.  Because of my difference in thinking, focus and priority in life (not just making money and being rich), people see me as different and not of the same pattern with which they can get along with.  Hence, my 2^nd justification – I am a rejected soul.  

In the law profession, people say I have a very different mindset about works and how I handle a case.  People do not understand why I would rather want parties to settle their case than go to court.  I don’t raise issues of technicality.  I don’t attack people (opponents, clients or witnesses) unnecessarily.  I don’t create lies, fabricated documents, find excuses to justify clients’ lies, etc. I don’t.  In the dictionary of litigation, I am not an unsuccessful lawyer, but I am a very poor litigation lawyer.  I do not use tricks.  Those who come to me usually are those who have a very strong case to win.  Definitely not those who need help with getting away from the crimes they committed.  If they stop by my place, they would get a good scolding from me before being asked to leave my office if they made such a request.  Others, they will have to take my advice to try to settle the matter out of court.  I reckoned that I am not a good lawyer.  I will never be able to be one.  At least, not in the eyes of the world.  

Lawyers will not ask me to join them for meals, drinks or parties or get together because I never drink.  I never do what usually lawyers will do after works.  I am not the ‘fun’ type that any lawyer would be.  When I speak to them, they are usually very respectful and serious.  If I give them a call, it’s a genuine work talk.  This is just me.  I reckon that it is my problem, for not being fun and not being able to be the fun type that people wants to get along with.  I get it.  I am not forcing anyone to too.  Hence, I said, I am a rejected soul.  

While I am dealing with being rejected, not being accepted as a friend, and that I probably have to deal with myself alone until I died, this passenger in the Bible did remind me that Jesus faced the same thing I faced too.  (a)  Not conforming to the pattern of this world  (b) Being rejected by even their own race and people because of the differences; (c)  He doesn’t have a friend that He can share with all the time, especially on the spiritual matters - even His own disciples don’t understand that He’s been trying to tell them.  

And yet, He keeps His focus right. He keeps His mission and vision at sight and He walks on it despite how difficult it was, even though to die on the cross, with accusation and without justification from any laws, even though even the people and the authorities knew by heart that He did not do anything wrong.  Today, the reading of Titus however did remind me that, it is because I know how frail, how weak and how foolish and disobedient I am, that I realised how merciful He is to me, to still love me and still care for me and still watching over me.  It is because I acknowledged how foolish and disobedient I am that I get to experience His mercy in a different way.  It is not by rights.  It is because I am so not worthy of being saved that He died for me.  

As a lawyer, I was trained to weigh between evidence to know if my client is worthy to get a lighter or heavier punishment.  This is nothing strange for any judges too.  By looking at the evidence tendered before them, they make their decision based on the weight of the evidence.  In the case of me being accepted by Jesus, to be redeemed from sins, seriously, I am not even close to worth for Jesus to die for me.  But He did it anyway.  He loves me just before I love Him.  He did it first. 

Just by doing that, I know being redeemed and being saved by Jesus is not something I should take lightly. I thank God for showing me how unworthy I am for being saved because of my sin, my foolishness, my disobedient, my malice, the mess of my life and yet, because of His kindness, I have received grace and mercy from Him and I am here today in this world, thinking, wondering what am I doing here exactly? 

Should I be just making money in this world and trying to live a bountiful life that I dreamed of with that amount of sacrifices, kindness, grace and mercy that God has given me?   Should I be just being sad that I do not have friends and I am being rejected? Should I even need to focus on making people like me, have lots of friends and not be rejected? What’s your take today in this world? To win the heart and approval of this world or God’s?

Many times, I told myself, the world's standard seems better, but we all know the world is temporary.  LIke I always say, be a good investor.  Invest in the 'future', wisely. 

- World or God? -