Stressor 2

After a month or so of silent and knowing that I have been anticipating to move in the condominium and at the same time applying loans from banks and all... all of a sudden, if I didn't insist, my dear friend won't want to even tell me she doesn't want to sell. So, great... she doesn't want to sell, meaning, I have to find another place to stay. I am glad about that actually because it means, I have other options. I just cannot believe she is doing it because of money and not being good hearted and considerate as a friend. Like others, I guess everyone just took advantage of me and push me to death at the weakest moment of my life. Brilliant...

Well, good thing is I will be earning quite a bit and that will help to sort out all my debts or ... it's going to help me buy a more decent one myself this time. And great, from these few months, I have realised how many true friends around. Not many... not more than 10.

- Stressor 2 -

Stressor?

Well, i wonder for a while when it happen.... "when will this end?". Yup, another thing happen.... I need a big sum of money to buy over 1/2 share of the property from a friend. I need to refinance the property. Good or bad? I guess, it's good... because at the same time, I can get a bit of cash to sorts out all other debts if the bank is approving my application. I need some help here... help from some top person in the bank.

Can this be another stressor to worsen my current condition? Well, not so much of blaming it to anyone or God for what happen... just wonder when will all these STOP!

- Stressor? -

Another one...

This is suppose to be MY year... (rabbit), but... how come this year is not MINE after all? hehe.... well, another problem.... ankle was getting more and more and more and more pain... and seriously, it has become unbearable lately and so, I took the step to go visit an ankle and foot specialist. After i got the x-ray and MRI done, dr told me can't see much from both the x-ray and MRI... instead, he saw with his bare eyes... and examination. When he moves my ankle, the nurse stand next to us for about 1 meter also can hear the moving of my ankle, which also shocked her.

2 problems with my ankle is dignosed. One is a chronical ankle disability which means there's laxity of my ligament. Second is the Peroneal Tendon Injuries. Surgery can do the works, but.... I will have to be inmobility for at least 6 months. With my current condition.... guess I will have to wait till other more important things to be done first.

Looks like I keep getting bad things at least once a month huh? I really don't really know how long I can last with all these. hahahaha...

- Another one -

Support

For the past 5 months, it has been a hell like life to me as I was dignosed with sickness, dad suffered stroke and I was screaming for help, support, care and love from people I called friends. I guess, people always desperate for friends and their support and care when they fall and they seems to have no one else to turn to, except God. Being me, everyone knows how tough I can be and how many obstacles in life I have gone through and I can't stop thanking friends who gave me hands during those period of times even though probably they are no longer besides me now. I appreciate them being around for me during those tough period of life. The past few months, however, is the most difficult times in my life. I would say, it is 3 times harder than what I used to experienced. Desperately needed support and care from people I called friends and instead of giving me those support, they have left me to handle things all by myself. They told me I expected too much from them as a friend. I wonder, it is hard for a friend to be around someone who desperately need care and support during the most difficult time in their life? Especially, do I always asked anything from them all these while? If they are my friend, why shouldn't i expect and count on them if I needed someone to be around? Well, things is over now. I am feeling much better today.

When I got better, almost automatically, I feel I can handle things myself and I do not need anymore support. But some people now started to come back and wanted to be my friend again. I wonder, why do I need such a people in my life? Why do I want to waste time on people who walked away from my life during the most difficult time of my life? Why do I want to waste time on people who doesn't appreciate me? Do I need friends who cannot give me care and support when I needed them? Do I need them to be around? Seriously, no, I don't. Especially now, when I am feeling much better and I do not need any support and care from anyone anymore.

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I didn't give them and myself a chance. But it seems like, they only 'talk' about it, but has not really do anything about it. Hence, I don't think I am convinced that they are sincere at all. It's just wasting my time.

- Support -

Hurts?

A friend commented: looks like you are hurted deeply. You must have loved them deeply before this.

Was I? I guess I must have. How many manage to see this point? I guess for now, they only count on the hurts I caused them and not the love and care I shared with them.

- Hurts-