Weekend!!

Finally, I got the chance to go back to Tawau for holiday and to visit my parents. I have seen my dad for a few times from February to June, but not my dearest mom. So, it's really nice to be able to go home. Before I go back home, I was given a few tasks and I ended up working, being so busy with works, etc. throughout the whole weekend. Thank goodness my parents is understanding and they think I should work. hahaha...

So, was busy, but I thank God I managed to met up with some friends. I even got a chance to hang around with a group of friends to play table tennis and basketball in church. Tiring but yet it's fun and refreshing. Was asked to go movie with them that evening, but I choose not to. I went home, spent some time with my dad instead. Thereafter, I felt so tired and went to sleep earlier after some video clip and photos downloading after that evening 'task'. Oh... that reminds me to tell you that, I was so blessed to be with a friend and he talked so much about 'camera' and photography with me during our whole journey to our project site. It's nice and wow.. wonderful!!!

Well, well, well... I got myself sick on Sunday and after I got back from church, my head was on my pillow and when I woke up, it was time to go for dinner with 2 friends. Anyway... glad that I was HOME.

- weekend -

Understanding & Expectation!

I was thinking over the weekend of how friendships can be affected by "Understand and Expectation". I remember years ago, during my youth, I always has this question of why does God makes so many people on earth and that they suffer at then end due to misunderstanding and so on. I believe many of us was hurted and disappointed and even discouraged by friends and/or people around us before.

I guess... many of us are hurted, disappointed and discouraged because we placed 'understanding & expectation' too highly on a person. We expect them to do certain things or react in certain ways which is within out 'expectation'. We forgot at the same time, a word call 'understanding' exist as well. God has created 'selfishness'... be it you like it or not... so as to protect ourselves. Many times, because of expectation, we failed to be understanding. For an example, You know me quiet well and that I seldom say 'no' for movie, so you came to me and asked me for a movie (thinking I will say 'Yes' - expectation created). I turned your offer down and it hurts your feeling because your expectation is not done accordingly. You got angry with me and without asking further, you started to feel hurt and disappointed. Of all these, you have failed to be understanding in knowing the reason 'why'. You have failed to be understanding. You have exercised your selfishness and placed yourself in the sits and thinking you can be the one who handle things.

The whole thing is called, self - centred. Everything came out from YOU YOU YOU, ME ME ME... and because I like it, I will make the whole world to think that this it the BEST. I like to drink Nescafe and therefore, when my friends said Brand B is good, I will tell them they are WRONG and that NESCAFE is the BEST. Because I feel like eating noodles today, when people suggested to eat rice today, I would tell them they are WRONG and that noodles is not nice. Chinese should take rice for their lunch.

May be KK is a medium size city and that many of the people here only cling to KK for years and they seldom meet other culture, other religion and other type of people in the world and that has made them failed to be considerate and even understand and respect the others. Probably I am more 'sensitive' then the others. But I just do not like it when people stressed that other religion is WRONG. I mean, it's just like them.. that they have yet to discover something better and that's doesn't mean they are WRONG.

Like a decision made by a judge. People will start critising it from their point of view. What's BEST for themselves and they have failed to take other points into consideration. They only EXPECT things to be done on their favour but failed to be understanding to others.

Since young, people has certain expectation on me. My friends always has high expectation on me. They would demand certain things from me, but that's what I hate the most. I hate it when people think I am their 'belonging' and that they can demand and expect something from me. But truely, I discovered that NONE... really put themselves in my shoes and see what I really want. I hate hurting others' feeling, but I couldn't help it most of the time because I really need to do something that I really want and need. So, when someone told me someone is hurt because of myself, it's hurting me even worse because they are not being understanding.

I remember this friend of mine whom I hurted years ago. If you ask me for details, I don't think I remember it because I only knew how deeply I hurted her after she told me. But I did remember it's a terrible incident. haha... Thank goodness she is understanding and that she has forgiven me after I 'explained' things to her. She is still my best friend till today.

So I guess, it's important to balance between the two... Understanding & Expectation!

- understanding & expectation -

Yo!!!

It's nice! We had a team from Cathedral of Faith, Atlanta, USA ministering to us since yesterday. I had the chance not only be in the meetings, but also spending time with them also. I am blessed and yes... my faith and spirit is renewed.

Apart from that, I was suddenly being so busy at work (which is GOOD) and also... schedule is full until I had to give my Floorball a miss tonight. Today's time went passed so fast until I almost didn't realise it. Well, ... I am not sure if it is a good sign.. I hope it is and it will bring profits to the company.

Apart from that, I am also trying to sort out my Tax Return Form. It's my first time filling up Tax Return Form because this is the first year I could be taxed. After filing up and calculating, I am not too bad. I only need to pay about RM121.00. So... it is a good news (Although I am not sure if my calculation is correct or not).

Apart from all these... God has been 'talking' me through a lots of ways and somehow or rather, I am being reminded of His calling and ... His promises. I am praying very hard for His Will to be done instead of mine. So... do pray for me!

- Yo!!! -

p/s by the way.. if you didn't see me for a while, it must be me, being too busy with too many things at the same time.

Whose?

It's sort of funny where everyone gave me an impression that the cell group is MINE. For a moment, I wonder what make them think that. After a good 3 weeks break (thank goodness I had some break), the cell group resumed last week (I was dragging myself for it) and it only had 4 of us. However, like I shared earlier, God blessed us indeed with a fruitful gathering. Some wonderfully asking for more and so although I have a very valid reason to cancel the cell meeting due to there is a evanglical meeting this Friday, I insist there's cell group gathering tonight. Some people asking for reason of why. My first reason is of course, cell group gathering and evanglical meeting are 2 different occasions and they are directed to different group of people. Evangelical meeting served 2 different functions to 2 different groups of people, i.e the christian, or a strong devoted christian and non-christian. It meant for non-christian to know the Christ and accept Jesus as their saviour and for christian to bring their loves one to know the Christ through this evangelical meeting.

Cell group however serves a totally different purpose. For our group which consist mostly what they themselves claimed christian, we are running cell group so to strengthen our relationship with all saints and with the Lord. It's NOT and NOT a TOOL for the cell leader to ENJOY his/her success. As a cell leader, I only know if I am successful when Jesus come again... whether I would be able to see you in heaven.

I know that people love to be weathy and powerful in this world. Being someone who is wealthy and powerful will means RESPECT from others. Let me tell you that's very wrong. I only see foolness in you if you do not know how to serve God with your wealth and your power given by the Lord because you are trying to store up treasures in the earth which will fade away once you die. To reminds you, you will die... and the most you can lives, I can give you up to maximum of 200 years. With your success, within 200 years, you can have whatever you want, do whatever you like, being wealthy, famours, powerful, even manage to sit next to the King, shake his hand, etc. etc. But still, you will die... and when you die.. if you have a Will, according to the Will, the moment you die, the Will will take effect, meaning to say, you won't have anything ANYMORE. When you entering into heaven (if you still eligible), it's ETERNITY... more than 200 years... it's FOREVER AND EVER.. and tell me... by then, you think you can TRY your very best to EARN somemore treasure in this evernity?

Church is no matter of yours because you can't EARN anything? Cell group is just a 'troublesome' committment and you rather join Rotary club or Lion club or JCI so that you can know more people and that they will give you more business? Giving to church to upgrade their sound system? Why so? they are not disco and they are not earning MORE if they have better sounds system. You have a wife to worry about, you have a cow to feed, you have so many commitments besides God and your everlasting world... because you WORRY.. worry about your future... but yet.. stupidly, you forgot... your life is NEVER in your hand. You cannot even control if you are born as a thin or fat body how can you, who doesn't know the future worry so much about your future?

Just to remind you, the cell group and the church is not MINE.. but it's my Father in heaven's. I have a very limited mind to judge you. May be you think God is happy about your decision today. Then go ahead. You are a mature christian and so ... be a real mature man and women, make your decision, bear with it yourselve. Don't blame me later on for not 'pursuading' you. I am always be reminded that, made your decision and bear with all sorts of consequences later due to your decision. May be you are too wealthy and that you can make your employee to bear with it...but there's no such thing in heaven.

I am still going to enjoy the cell group gathering tonight with a few others. I am sure we will have a good time tonight with the Lord. I always long for wonderful encounter and gathering with the Lord... As I speak on this, I am really sure that some of you only know God, but never encounter a relationship with Him and therefore, you really do not know what you are missing. I can't wait for tonight... hahahahaha....!!!

- whose? -

God is good!

I had a great weekend... with firstly a friend's visit... that had made me stayed up until 1am on Friday evening. But we had a great time searching for place to fill our stomach. As I was feeling too tired throughout the whole week, I had decided to sleep for the whole day on Saturday. So I silence my phones and I remember I woke up once to go to the toilet and thereafter when I got up and looked at the clock, I was shock. It's late. After taking some food and watched a movie or two, I brought camera and its equipment out for a good visit and photo taking at the beach. It was a rainy day but the sky was beautiful, so as the sun when it set. After about 2 to 3 hours of staying at the beach running around, I was exhausted after that. I went home, got myself rest and did some reading. It was a wonderful and relaxing day indeed. On sunday, I happen to went for a short shopping, ice-cream eating, comic books buying and so on ... and at the evening, my friends called and they picked me up for Coffeebean. Wow... it's indeed a relaxing weekend.

God is good. He knows when I need a rest and He knows what I need. Today is the 11th day of the month and I started to feel worry about my income for this month. I am praying very hard for some business to comes in and/or some legal fees to be collected. So I pray really hard that things get moving and that fees can be collected this month. God has been good. I managed to collect 2 fees today and I am praying for more to come soon.

And of course... God does know on what occassions do I need what kind of friends around me. I am just gladful that some of these friends 'appear' to and for me 'JUST ON TIME'. hahahaha... So, ya.. God is good all the time!!!

- God is good -

Weird...

Though we only have 4 persons (including me) attended cell last night but it was the greatest meeting we ever had for the year. We had lots of laughters, sharing, etc.etc. I have decided to sing some praise and worship that's not so familiar to them as I am seriously frustrated by singing the same old one again and again for a year. I couldn't stand it when thing is not changed for any better or good. How can that helped one to praise and worship the Lord? People are too familiar with the wording and that they started to take it to granted. People will start singing for the sake of singing and not praising and worshiping. Well... speaking of praise and worship, may be I should write something about it soon. I just hate it when I saw the musician and those who are 'singing' are just doing it because they have the skills. They do not even know and understand what they should do and what they are doing. It's saddening. When I recalled on similar incident years ago in my home town church, I remember that we only have a few whose heart were not right when it came to this ministries and immediately, we asked him to stop serving in this ministry until he/she has the right attitudes and heart and know the reason why he/she is in this ministry. I really wish that we do the same here. I would rather to have only 1 person serving in the team whose heart is right then a group of 8 and none has the right heart. God will not like or accept the music we presented to Him if we do not have a right heart. Most of us has the skills but skills is not what God is looking at. It's the 'sacrifies' and 'offering' that He is looking at.

So... I have difficulties grouping with people who doesn't have a right heart in serving God in this ministry. It's like I wanted to cross the boundaries to reach God but these people are preventing me from being there. Even if I am not serving in the ministry on Sunday, I just found it hard... it's like the music is not helping us come nearer to the Lord and praising Him or worshipping Him. Conclusion, the group has failed terribly in SERVING God and His people in this ministry.

Some thought playing a musical instruments and the skills they have is good enough.. but they have failed even to go beyond their current level of skills. They thought they are the best. They play the same pattent on every songs. They have failed to be in the presence of God and/or feel God when they play. None of them who is standing on the stage on Sunday is singing or following the Order of the service. When the church pray, they just stand there. When the church sings, they also stand there playing with their musical instruments. It's a pain to see such failure to praise and worship.

Some people gets closer to God when they are not serving by playing, but some do gets closer to God when we gets to serve Him in our playing. That's what I call, we use instruments to praise and worship Him. I consider the former one to be a failure in praising and worship God and the purpose of serving in the team is therefore not served.

The team suppose to be an encouraging to those who are not on stage, but at the end of the day, I do not know if this purpose is served. For the mature christian, we can praise and worship the Lord anyhow, but for the new christian, I am really not sure if they manage to be encouraged.

I really hope that the team would be strong spiritually in order to be part of the team to bring people into the holy of holy. I noted that many in the team has not strong spiritually and when they are not, how are we going to bring others into the holy and holy? It's saddening everytime when I think of it and everytime when I share on this. However, people are still being stubborn and didn't even want to take any steps in improving this current situation.

- weird & sad -

Different kind of feeling...

It's kind of peaceful............ kind of.... happier........... kind of .......... contented... since a week ago when I told myself to draw a line somewhere. Some of you of course remember what sorts of 'line' I mean... some of course won't have a clue... well... to cut the story short... when the line is drew, I thought I would not be able to adapt to it, but just when I did so, God has given me something to fill the gap in between which makes things kind of ... great!

Wait... don't get me wrong. I am still 'struggling' through all these and some of you would have seen me feeling a bit down and feeling a bit out. Well, to be honest... I have just collected myself piece by piece from the groud that I was smashed broken. "Broken to be made whole" is what came through my mind this morning. It's not easy after being broken... when I am picking up myself piece by piece... in additional to that, some still keep on 'disturb' my 'picking up process' intentionally and unintentionally today in particular. I almost wanted to give up before lunch but when my face faced the groud and a thought came into my mind. A laughter... loud enough to make my head so painful... laughter which addressed to my stupid acts and my irrational mind. Ghoosh... at about an hour, I tried to focus my mind to the Almighty... I kept on asking why... Is He trying to test me on something or it's just a joke? I couldn't think rationally and hence, I made my mind work on and on, on things that I hate the most (Accounting).

Suddenly.... I heard a loud voice. A voice which gives assurance. A voice that promised promises. It gives so much peacefulness... and I just couldn't stop laughing at my stupidity for worrying, for taking things into my hand, etc. etc. etc. People are selfish anyway... and that I couldn't change them from being selfish. I couldn't change them and their committment if they are not willing to be changed. I am not God. My ability is limited. I asked therefore that God will turn my discouragment and sadness to strength, to serve Him even greater...

I am still crying : GOD.. HAVE MERCY ON ME!!!!

Lina Joy's case

During my last day of conference at Perkasa Hotel, Kundasang, I 'accidentally' having a group of priests and speakers came to my table and sat with me. As the conversation started with a speaker telling me about his son's law practice in Australia (my very good brother and friend in fact) and when the conversation got further, some priest who just knew me not long ago asked about what sort of law I am doing and so on... and at the end, it reached the issue of Lina Joy's case.

Many called me up or trying to stir me from giving opinion on Lina Joy's case later that day and thank goodness we do have a non-stip. priest who is a senior lawyer. At least he did most of the talking ... hahahaha....

Yesterday, my rector's personal assistant asked if I want a copy of the judgment and it amuse me. hahaha... well, as a lawyer, a christian lawyer, a lawyer who claim herself as theGodlyLawyer, it is really not possible not to have a copy of the judgment... including the dissenting judgment... churches, christians, non-muslims and others has made an issue of religion in this whole matter. Only a few will see it differently with taking other issues into consideration. I am not going of course to 'publish' my opinion here in this blog as it is sensitive and after all, it is just my opinion. But I would really urge you to look at issues beyond the issue of religion.

Lina's fight in the world... has shown something about her faith and trust in the Lord. People opposed to her fight not because of her but because of God. I am sure she has not lose anything. She gained a crown in the heaven infact. The people in the world can only kill her and take her life (the most), but all she got is not just things in this world, including fame and name and identity..... but things beyond this 'world'. The Lord looks at our heart and He will judge accordingly. In the judiciary in Malaysia, we have the civil courts and we have the Syariah court... but all these courts are subjects to the Lord... be it civil courts judges or Syariah court judges.. they will be judged by the Lord one day. Muslims lawyer, Christian lawyer, Buddist Lawyer, all will be judged. Therefore... be encouraged.

- Lina Joy -

Conference...

I couldn't remember when was the last time I attended conference or camp until a friend asked me when I met him in airport about a month ago. I ponder for a while and I realise, the last time I attended a camp would be about 7 to 8 years ago, in England. My goodness... that has certainly shocked myself. Although there are numerous camp being organised in my previous church in KL, but I have not attended one single one because it all fell on my exam period. Wow... !!! I guess that has sum up that I have not only not have a holiday for a long time, but also conferences and camp. It's weird... I mean... what did I do for the past few years? To be exact... I start wondering how I lives my life for the past few years....!!!!

Anyway... It was really great to be able to attend a conference at Perkasa Hotel, Kundasang last week. Although it is a rather short conference, but it's really nice to be able to get along with friends, especially the OLD one... !!! Well, it's not only refreshing, but also tiring... wow... for the first time I went to this water fall at Poring Hot Spring. It's nice... and I promise you that I will swim and get myself wet the next time I go there. Since I know we are going to places like this, I did brough my SLR camera with me. Though it is not a digital SLR, but I just love those photos when I saw them. It's really nice!!!! Pictures won't be so nice unless it comes with a good, nice, pretty view. Anyway... speaking of that, I really WISH I have a digital SLR.

I really had a good and relaxing time... if I minus all the disappointment, discouragement, etc. etc.... that happen. Well... what can I say? ... when there is people, there's disappointment, discouragement, etc. etc. Although I never expect it to be so 'severe', but... it does... to the point, I found it hard to get myself and my mind together to focus on that one thing, GOD. Wow.. in some point, I just think.. these people who failed me are just like a Satan... and at least, it's deed.

Thank goodness I took a break on Saturday afternoon and that the whole day I was able to rest, be with the Lord. At night, thank God for a group of friends who asked me for a game call floorball. I know you probably do not know what game is that. Neither do I until I be there and played with it. It's like an ice hockey. Just that it's on floor and not on ice. It's really nice game and gathering to be with this group of people. Phew... the next day till now.. you know what I gets ... pain on my tights... hahahahahaha... but I still love that game.

Yesterday, a sudden demise of a minister during preaching has shocked me. Well, too sudden and ... by the time I was his body... he is already lying down there... God has called him home and without warning...well, only God knows the reason. I ponder for a while while playing guitar for the memorial service last night... if this is 'expected'. Some pastor I met told me they didn't expect that, which I think they should think twice when they said that. It's saddening... but we do expect one will die ... ALL OF US.... and if you think that you forgets about it and that you take control of your life, you are VERY WRONG... !!!! So, it's time for you to lives today's life as it is the last.

Well... it's tiring weekend... until I couldn't get up this morning... but you know me.. once I am in the office.. I started to work like mad!!!! Hai... everything is over now... my holiday... !!!!

- nice -