"Do you love me, Pei San?". That's what I have been hearing the whole 40 days of fast and prayer and on Easter day. "If you do, tend my sheep and feed my lamb". I wonder what it means because there's only so much I can offer from my plate as I am not in any capacity to do anything in that category - feeding or tending sheep or lamb.
But I do know that God is probably asking me to take that little step of faith to someplace I don't like to be at this moment, attending to people I do not like. Facing my giant is probably a more suitable description for my current situation. God probably has always placed Europe in my heart, but I don't understand why He put me in the legal profession for the past 25 to 30 years and never send me there then. Worse still, when Europe is in such a chaotic situation (covid, wars) and why now? I was sharing with a missionary friend and she enlighten me and said, God must have His purpose for training you so many years for a reason and I probably will only know after I took the first step of faith. It's hard. Even if the priest in charge told me that it is not easy to leave my mom behind as she is in her old age. But I know her heart wanted me to be used by God greatly in His kingdom. I know she wants me to obey God and do everything that pleases God too. It's hard, but it is not impossible. If this is His call, He will prepare.
Waiting for an answer is probably the hardest thing to do in life. It's been 2 weeks and I am still waiting for an answer. Lord, what are you saying? My heart is still not ready?
- Moving or not moving... '
