Cooking, baking....

It's weird... whenever I feel stressful and pressure at work, all I do is... to cook.  Recently, bake. hahaha..... ok.  I am glad I finally got myself an oven since February and it's working so well.  Love it. I don't know how to lives a life without it. hahaha... Well, look what I have cooked recently  ...

... and after i baked some chocolate cookies, I am planning to bake a fruit cake.... I hope it works fine.... so, tonight, on my preparation, I have done this: -

Let's hope everything goes well for tomorrow....

- Cooking, baking... -

Death?

No. I am not going on with 'home' nor England... even though I probably have to pay the country a visit soon and more often in the future.  Well, as it is stated in the title above, I am going to talk about death.  I cannot remember when was the first time I experienced and came to know about death.  Probably it's the death of our dog? I still remember both my brother and I buried it at our garden.. and my brother made a cross for the 'tomb'. Or, may be it's me who keep asking my dad to kill the whatever creatures out in the garden that made noise which disturbed my sleeps? or may be it's my dad who killed the mouse who made its' entry into our house and made me cried? or my dad who tried to killed the lizard which came near me trying to attack me? or may be because I stayed next to a church and I attended funerals more than anybody else.  Following my dad and mom to visit the sicks and the death... has been one of the usual event in my life since I was born.
Furthermore, being a very weak person since birth, going in and out of the hospital is nothing uncommon.  Seeing people cried when their children passed away just next to me is a norm to me.  So, accepting the fact that people will die is nothing so difficult for me.  Not that I like the feeling nor me like to ponder over how things like when someone died, etc.  But it's a fact no one can escape from.
I thought I would not be able to handle things when my dad had suffered stroke.  Oh well, we have been expecting this because of the number of medicine intake for a long period of time by my dad since the age of 20 until now. It's over 50 years.... it consider high risk.  But many people has made me feel so 'sick' when they keep asking us why is this happening, etc. etc. etc.
When people died, people keep asking why why why.  When someone who is poor and not known to anyone who is sick and died. No one even bother to ask him why and how, etc.  When people whom we all know is sick, everyone asked why this thing happen to them.
Why are we asking that stupid questions where it can happen to everyone? I happen to had a long chat with someone who is rich and famous in the airport while our flight was delayed for 2 hours. He is someone close to our family and so, he was telling me his recent readings and ponders are on the issue of death.  He says, for the first time, he said he has change his mindset to accept death in a good way.
I didn't want to scares him away by saying, "that's why I always wanted to die earlier and fast".  To him, that probably not something he has gone as far to think of.  To me, almost everyone who knows me know that's my wish.  I remember Jonathan Tse said to me one day if i died, he will surely made a tombstone which says "I am finally here!". hahahaha...
Yes.  What are we really when when are on earth? Who are we? only people who are rich and famous gets to be recognised when died? and how about those who were dead and not being remembered because they don't have a family?
My point is, i don't really bother how much impact I made to this world.  I don't bother much about how much famous I want to be or how rich.  That's not important.  When I died, I died. I have nothing too.  and the only one whom I care whether He will recognise me or not is Jesus, in the 'forever land'. So, why am I investing and wasting my energy in this world?
Oh well.... I am going to attend a funeral tomorrow. This is about 5th one this year.  This time, it's a family friend .... someone who love and care for me since i am a baby.....
So, till then, ... I will see you again. :)
These 2 years, many was shocked with my dad's condition and amazingly, he is still around.... while other had passed away themselves. Hmm.... tell me, if you are reminded that the key to life and death is in God's hand, not ours.
Over the years ever since my dad's stroke, .... I have completely able to recognised who are the true relatives and friends and who are not. I am sorry to say, this is the last year I am going to be the 'good hearted' and 'able to fooled' niece of all of you.  Next year onwards, I am making everyone pay their prices for treating me and my mom the way you all did.
- Death? -