Home!

I always have the issue of 'home' ever since I left where I grew up (Tawau, Sabah) for studies and ever since then, because I never get to go back there and stay there for long / for good, somehow I have yet to figure out where my HOME is....

A friend is facing the same issue lately and hence, the question of where is our 'home' again appeared in my mind. When I left Bristol, England and returned for the 1st time, that was few months after I left, I somehow felt that, Bristol was my HOME. The feeling was so strong that even my parents told me they think I have well settled there and that I belong to that place. Oh well, I have to admit, I am a totally changed person ever since my 3 years there at Bristol. I still think, Bristol is where I should be at... Oh well, England if not Bristol. KL is definately not my home even though I stayed there for 8 years plus and still, I can't seems to 'feel' that place as my home. Hence, I moved back to Sabah when I had the chance to. Is KK my home? I must say, I am considering of buying an apartment or a condominium in KK, but.... somehow, I still can't feel that 'strong feeling' I had for Bristol ... so, if you ask me if KK is my home, I am not sure myself.

A friend somehow, has reminded me that, may be... after all, Tawau is my home. Oh well.... Tawau is my root.... and my parents stays there. For now, I get to go back almost once in every month... for work and to visit my parents... I felt strange when I first came back from England, but I am now used to it. If you ask me where I can find battery in my house in Tawau, I can tell you at the drawer next to the store room. If you ask me where to get strings, I can tell you it's at the backyard, etc. etc. The same apply to Bristol. Ask me where to buy shoes, I can recommend you a few places. Ask me where to buy wedding gifts, and I can tell you a few places. Even if you ask me about banking, getting work permits and so on, I can tell you where they are. I went to England last year June and I must say, I felt like I went home.... So, if you ask me where home is, I guess I won't be able to tell you....

It is suppose to be in Tawau... but the feeling of a HOME? ... feels like... Bristol/England.

- Home! -

Work!

I am not sure if it is the work that stress us out or we stressed ourselves out sometimes.... Oh well.... since we are in the topic of work, let me tell you how frustrated I am at work lately. This case which I am always reluctant to handle (which was passed to me by my boss), is driving me crazy as the client is trying his very best to goes against the government. In a way, this is quite a political case and because of that, it is difficult to 'fight' and I am seriously wanted to advice our client to drop the case and try to settle out of court. However, our client has a very good friend who is also a lawyer and he always gives a lots of 'bright' idea to our client and so, it is very difficult to advice client otherwise. The 2 cases (yes, 2 ... criminal cases) fixed for trial in May. However, I guess the other lawyer is super free, hence, he 'demanded' a written submission to be given to him (according to him, as requested by our client) by tomorrow. Mind you, I have about 3 written submission to be submitted by next Monday and so, I was rushing with it and before these 3 written submission, I had another research and preparation to be done before the hearing day on 12.03.2009. I told my client I wouldn't be able to give them the submission until next month, but well, since the insisted that I give them by tomorrow and upon being 'forced', I sent them the 1st draft copy and I told them I haven't finish with the research yet. Obviously, being a GOOD lawyer, the other lawyer commented on my draft by saying, my research is not done well, etc. I am fine with it because indeed, I haven't finish with my research and what more the submission. Even before I received the email from him, I told the whole office I do not wish to answer any phone calls from this lawyer nor our client for a week.

I finished my 3 submissions today at about 3:40pm and I thought I finally have an evening free from at least 3 submissions. Oh well, first I was bothered by the email and others, of course, .... listened to a few complains from others about their work/job. Hmm... I guess, everyone has their 'hard' time at work... but everyone demanded that theirs as at the utmost 'difficult'. I am not sure how to handle all these 'complains' everytime I heard it. Whatever I said would be wrong after all because to everyone, "You are not helping". Yes. That's correct. I am directing the same statement to everyone who is reading this too....... be it of how much I complain about, at least you can talk about your situation LOUDLY to EVERYONE ... and me???????? Everything is privacy, everything is privilege, everything is private and confidential. And when I mentioned about my hardship, I am at fault and I get the feeling that no one actually cares....

I seriously wonder.... is there anyone out there really care about my feeling???? or rather... care about me?????? Everyone asked their matters being look at. I did tried, but of course, I am not God... I can't help much.... but did anyone ever asked about me? my job? how stress I am?

I am asked to mobilized the whole cell group to Ash Wednesday service this evening.... oh well... i did my part... but it ended up... everyone is telling me "I am tired". "I am really tired today, please excuse me". Please...... am I not???????????????????????????? because I am the cell leader and therefore I cannot apply the same to myself????????

Please... live with it... everyone has work too. The more I don't want to talk about my work, I was asked by almost everyone I met this evening of how's my work. GREAT!

Oh well.... blame Adam and Eve for making you and I work today, ok? Don't blame it on me, nor God!

- work ! -

Failure!

I am not sure what this word 'failure' means to you.... it meant quite a lot to me for the past few days and it's reminded me this morning when another senior lawyer called me telling me that he will probably file an appeal for my client. He thought somehow I did a great job but the judge has somehow made his decision in a very funny way. We obviously has yet to receive the grond for appeal yet until today. I guess he called just to make sure that I am not in dispair... and that I still keep doing what I am doing. Oh well, as a senior lawyers, I am sure he was at my stage once before too... I do somehow, appreciate the call.

Meanwhile, I am preparing myself for another 3 battles in a bout 2 weeks time. I have however, applied 2 to be postponded as the initial fixed trial dates falls on a public holiday and another date, falls on another hearing of mine in the High Court. Hence, the Magistrates Court has to give way to the High Court. So, I hope, they will give me another month for that so that I can concentrate fully on this particular one in the High Court. I am not sure if this is going to be another failure experience or not.... seriously, my confidence is 'shaken'.... due to the past cases.

I have been buried by researches, readings, and so on for the past weeks. But I guess God says: "Slow down"... as I suffered food poisoning last Friday evening ... hence, I was pretty relaxed with helping hands from some friends for the past 2 days. hehehe.. Of course, again... for another year of birthday celebration, I was not allowed to eat anything spicy and/or really nice... but I enjoyed the company of course... Oh well, is this one type of failure? Failed to take care of myself well? Hmm...

A friend commented that if she wants encouragement, I will be the last person she looks for. Haha... oh well, seriously, I probably said the same if I am her. hahaha.... trust me, I don't really know how to 'speak' appropriately. So, yes... this too, is one of my failure... no. I am not proud of it.

I always wanted to start my day with a breakfast and I planned it so well for many times and yet, I never get to do it.... and I ended up having NOTHING in my stomach since last night AGAIN today... I have failed.

of course, there are more....

and all these.. can only reminded me that, I am a human being... no.. i am not using it as an excuse... at least, I am still working very hard to prepare myself for the next battle today and I am still trying my very best to win this case. It's just that, I won't always get what I want... and I never get what I want unless it is what God wants me to have. So...

- Failure ! -

Petition!

The word "Petition" has many meanings.... At Wikipedia, it's define as "A petition is a request to change some thing, most commonly made to a government official or public entity. Petitions to a deity are a form of prayer. In the colloquial sense, a petition is a document addressed to some official and signed by numerous individuals. A petition may be oral rather than written, and in this era may be transmitted via the Internet. The term also has a specific meaning in the legal profession as a request, directed to a court or administrative tribunal, seeking some sort of relief such as a court order. A petition can also be the title of a legal pleading that initiates a case to be heard before a court. The initial pleading in a civil lawsuit that seeks only money (damages) might be titled (in most U.S. courts) a complaint; an initial pleading in a lawsuit seeking non-monetary or "equitable" relief such as a request for a writ of mandamus or habeas corpus, or for custody of a child or for probate of a will, would instead be termed a petition."

As a lawyer, I often filed Petition in the High Court. Today, I received a Notice of Hearing for my Petition and it somehow made me ponder over the word "petition". Many time, I argued my case and trying my very best to win the case during a Petition hearing. Judges will usually taken consideration of all the submission made by the lawyers and they will then make their rulling based on that. The more evidence we got, the more chance we have in winning a case. A petition therefore, is a request of a lawyer whom being instructed by their client, to seek for certain relief, inclusive of Petition for Divorce and Petition to be admitted as Advocate and Solicitor in the High Court of certain places.

In a spiritul context, I do somehow, remember the word petition... where the Word of God states, we shall submit our needs and/or petition to the Lord. Just like the legal context, where we file in a petition to the Lord... So today, I really submitting my case and my submission hoping that the Lord will listen to my point and make me win this case...

My petition today is simple... that He will continue to be the Lord, He will heals the sick, forgive the sinner and continue to love us.

- Petition! -