I am not very sure if it's because of the dreams I had last night/this morning that caused me to feel very insufficient, failure, down or anything along that line. But well, I do feel upset and down for the past 2 days, especially when I was called to stand up as a cell leader to be commissioned for the coming year's 'duty'. I feel that I am a failure. Yes. Ultimately a total failure. I have failed in bringing the rest under my care to know Him better. I have failed to unite them, I have failed in being 'active' and have 'compassion' towards people other than those under my care. I have seriously failed as a leader. As a lawyer, I am even worse. Not only failed, but strucked down to the point I have difficulties in picking upself to stand in front of many people. Well, due to my ignorance, my non-active character and/or my inability, I have somehow, failed to helped a few of my clients to get what they want and I feel deeply upset about this. Everything that's suppose to be good has turned out to be bad and everything bad initially has turned out to be worse under my supervision and duty. I feel down and upset. Well, I shall make 2008 a past... a history that will not be repeated again in future. What was done, was done... ended and I shall not pick them up and hurt myself again...
Hence, I decided to take my devotion again on My Utmost For His Highest... because I want to put Him first in everything I do - my best to His glory!
I was deeply challenged by the 1 January devotional passage and today... on 2 January, I am again being challenged... "of going out for Christ without knowing where I will be going... " All I need to do is to trust Him... an "sounds good" command but a difficult task. The passage has somehow brought me back to the day when I was so much convicted that He wants me to study law without knowing why and without having the ability and wisdom for it. ... I was told once again this morning, of my future, the one that I do not know where I will be going. ... I must say, I have been worried about my future in the year 2008 because I do not know where will I be going.... and whether I have food, whether I am healthy and whether this and that.... and yet, by the end of 2008, all I have was... 'worry' and nothing else. This year, I just want to trust in the Lord and His providence. Hence, I want to put 'worry' aside... and start trust Him to the fullest...
Yes... not that I didn't trust Him last year. Not the action that's in question, but the quantum of it... I just want to trust Him MORE this year!!!!
Perhaps, you too? ... in everything you do!!!
- the past -
3 comments:
no leh, u showed compassion to me also wor....
Be strong and courageous. Don't be terrified, don't be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Like you said. The past has gone, we can't do anything about it. Just learn from it and look forward lo.. Cheer up, there's a reason to all the things you're going thru. God will always make something good out of the 'bad', cont to trust Him.
Thanks... will try harder this year to be more like Him. Thanks for being around ...
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