Trust?

I was always in the dilemma of knowing who tells the truth and who doesn't. Hence, I can hardly trust a person when he/she tells me something. Not good if that apply to my friends, huh? No wonder I don't really have friend.... Hence, I rarely affirm an affidavit on behalf of my clients these days.

I must assert that, it is hard to gain my trust. Lately, I just think, it's hard for me to trust myself anymore. I used to be able to trust my own memory and ability. Today I must say, I have lost that trust at least by 50%. I started to have difficulties in my memory lately. One who claimed to have never suffer much of headache has now suffering from it at least 3 times a week. Brain tumor as I once thought I am suffering from might be correct. Hence, when I was told I am not looking for solution, I admitted. I do not want to know the fact and I rather just die without knowing (if it is true). I am not bold enough to face the reality? I admit I am. I just don't trust the technology, the doctor, the medicine and everything else...

Except the Lord.... hence, I feel closer to God these days... then to anyone else! At least, He has never fails me and He sees me through all the seasons in my life. So, if He calls me home, I shall be delighted. NO NO NO... don't get me wrong. I don't want to die NOW lah. I WISH only. hahaha....

-trust? -