Friend and selfishness

I do realised, there are people who tend to make sure they are close to certain people and that's all.  They are not open to accept anymore new friends.  They eliminated their friends and they tend to only accept some and rejected some.  I am generally.... sees everyone i know as friend.  I don't because of one of two people arounds me who think A is weird and bad and hence, I don't see A as friend.  I always think, if B & C cannot regard A as friend, it's just B & C and I might be different and I might be able to click with A.  I don't know.. I don't see friendship as that complicated.

It's always an issue of friendship and relationship when it comes to people.  Ja seems not to happy to get along with L and L doesn't seems to like Jo and Jo doesn't seem to like P and P doesn't seem to like Ja and V and it goes round and round and round to a point, I don't know what truthfulness in friendship is.

I thought there will be people arounds me, who is really good and nice and truthful.  Not until when I get along with others whom i thought the more the merrier, it makes a U turn over things.  Everything collapsed and i am forced to either to choose A or B.  I hate people pushing me to choose in between.  I am not sure why friendship/relationship can be so complicated that one has to choose in between and not to get along TOGETHER.  I love being a group or a gang of people.  I hates being pushed to only get myself into a friendship with ONE single person.  I don't know what's the benefit for me to have only one friend, in that case.  I am definitely doesn't belong to anyone.  Otherwise, I would have married by now (or may be i should then no one else can 'own' me).  It's just weird that, for the past few months, just because one person cannot accept another person, I have lost a bunch of friends.  Everything built for the past few years, if not months..... has collapsed and became NOTHING.

Weird but truth.  I can only say, i am TIRED with all these non-sense.  Enough of non-sense and it's time to move on.  I guess, the principle remained.  Living a life of my own is good.  A peaceful and quiet birthday this year, with no celebration, lives as usual and eat a cake i choose for myself and finished half of it myself (going to finish all tonight), focus on my assignment and work and that's about it.

Life, as it goes older, getting more ridiculous.  I don't know why it's my burden to bear their failure.  No. Not that I don't love them.  I love them too much until they took advantage of me i think. It's time to stop all these ridiculous issues and move on life without regret.  Do what I like with people I like better will do.  I can't bear selfishness.

Instead of more friends, I did end up with less these days because of selfishness and unwilling to love more.  I think I will never get it.  But I guess it's better now.  It's always best to spend more time with old friends who came back from oversea, over the CNY.  It reminds me I need to pay them a visit soon... hehe

- Friend and selfishness -