The last quarter of 2016

The last quarter of 2016 has been a rather difficult few months for me be it, spiritually, physically or financially.  I am challenged to the maximum this 4 months.  First with sickness during the time where I am at the verge of submitting my 20% assignment and to cope with my studies, only to discovered that I have got measles after one to two weeks of having fever.  After that, there are numerous incidences at home which caused me to travel back and forth between KK and Tawau, that includes the demise of my beloved father on the 8th December 2016 at about 8pm, while I am in the midst of sorting two summons, 3 trials and my 60% assignment.

Life has been difficult.  I realised from all these, who are the people that stand besides me and who are not.  There are many who only come into my life when i am in good shape and left when they realised the bad side of me.  I am thankful to have those who knows the bad side of me and yet stay on to make me a better person and I am thankful for them in trusting me that i will be a better soul in future.  There are people that shaped me and there are people who only put blames on me for what happen to them but did not look what they did on me.

Worse still, when dad passed away, I realised there's few people who sent their condolences simply to 'redeem' their own mistakes and fault and to feel better with it.  For the past 5 to 6  years, they never send a greeting or regards, but only now, that they send their condolences just so that they don't feel bad and they will close this chapter in their lives.  Selfishness as I call it, well, it happens to almost everyone, including my own brother who only 'appear' to be the 'big brother' and next head of the family when dad passed away, trying to show up, take control of everything and disappeared, leaving the rest of the works and responsibilities to me.

People used to tell me that you will only see who are you true friends when you are in difficulties.  Well, I have seen a lot these few years.  There are too, people who loves to create stories behind and defame your name because they are too afraid that their bad part in their life is being revealed.  I often being the victim of all these non-sense.  People says i did not look for so and so for few months now and who knows, I have been blocked completely (in FB) by her and that hurts too much for me to care much about her?

There's always two sides of the stories.  Call myself selfish, well, I am rightfully claiming this rights, so myself is protected and myself is feeling right at least for denying such a friendship in my life. No. I don't want these kind of friends or people in my life.  Call me heart less or no love.  Whatever it is, I think i deserves a better life or lifestyle.  Call me selfish and I agree that I should at least selfish for once rather than being too nice and let others take me for granted.

These few months, i am reminded why I like to be with myself and no other people.  It is still better that way - distance myself from being too close to anyone at all.  Thank God for a group of people who know what i am suffering and still stand by me even it cost them to argue with their parents over 'endangering their life' to be with the sick one [well, once you are diagnosed to be sick, you are always labelled as sick].  Thank God for those who are here to trust me of who I am and still believe me as who i am.

This is my favourite month, but it is also a month I am very much down in mood.

Hoping that 2017 is a better year.

- The last quarter of 2016 -