New Friends?

Those who left me told me I should go out and find new friends as they won't bother about me anymore. It's such pain to heard this from someone you spent almost everything and everytime with for the past few years. Sacrificed so much of money, time and energy on them and yet when I needed a hand, that's what they told me. To find new friends.  Who doesn't know friends do come and go at different times? With less contact, doesn't mean, I lost them. But what they told me was a complete act of disowning me as their friends.  Worse still, they were the closest to me (they are still, unfortunately) and yet they cannot understand the pain I am suffering every single day.  I don't see much of people every single day.  I do not have colleague.  I do not have anyone to share my burden with because it's all private and confidential and most of the people I know, they don't understand a life of a lawyer.  Do I need them to understand what and how I conduct my professions? Nope. By being around me for the past few years, includes me in their holidays, includes me in their pain and suffering and problem, had enough to made me feel welcome.
Unfortunately, due to my sickness, I am completely being rejected.  Understood no one want a 'burden' like me around them.  Understood no one love me either.  That's not a first day issue I know.  Worse is, they tend to go further after they know i am sick.  That's the most hurting part.  No matter how much I tried, they gets ever more further and all they said was, they can't help.  Not knowing, all they need was to include me, to call me once in a while, come out with me sometimes, keep in touch instead of a total silence as if I do not exist. Well...

Did I not look for new friends? But with being disowned by church, with no colleague, with no social life and connection at all, I can't see how I can be 're-connected' anymore.  I can only sure that, sooner or later, I will just give up trying to continue living. Even stranger whom I bought guava with will smile at me and tell me which one is better. Those whom I love and care for for years, told me to look for other friends instead. And still call themselves loving God.  I don't know how does all these work. I cannot understand at all... There's no way I can understand all these... sorry. Am too stupid to understand.
- New Friends? -