Recently, I have many friends moved from one place to another and from one job to another too. Many has started to realise, moving is not something anyone would desire and wish for. Everyone love to be able to settle down for a while, if it cannot be forever. Some finds it easy to move to another place with just a 7 days notices given but to many, it's just difficult. Just this month itself, 2 friends are moving to Tawau, a few left KK, one changed job and another few might be leaving KK in a month or two too. Because of what happen, I started to think once again on the issue of 'where and what is next'. Yes, this issue has stopped 'functioning' for a while now... about 3 years now? Hmm... sounds long.. but nope, I only felt it just happen a while ago since I last ponder over or rather... disturbed by it.
I am sure this issue is unavoidable in life because nothing in this world or life stays where it is forever. Friends and people arounds you will be leaving you and they won't be with you forever. Not even your husband/wife as one of you will be leaving this world first. From the first day I joined this firm, first, it was the 'good' office boy who resigned. When I came back from England, I was told the account clerk wanted to resigned and so, she is not working half a day and a month ago, I was told my other clerk is leaving end of October too.
I do hate the feeling being 'left' behind. I traced my history all the way back to my childhood day to see if I can find out what caused me to hate the feeling... I guess, somehow... because I am so 'different' in the family or community, people somehow... rather... not to bother about me. You can say I am claiming that I am lack of love... but to be exact, I guess, I just don't like being left being... so, for the past few years, I have been moving around instead... ( at least I think that's the reason why I have been moving) and gradually, I have started to feel that I do not want to be committed into any friendship, relationship, etc. etc. I also do not like the feeling of separation when people is leaving me, especially those who are close to me. So, I started to stay away from being close with people arounds me.
Of course, at many times, I am "successful"... of course 'failure' happens as one or two has started to realise the mindset behind... and so, I was 'disturbed' from this "staying away to get close" project.
Well, I just want to say, I hate the feeling of knowing close friend(s) is leaving me, be it they are moving to other place and/or the current situation has changed...
- random thoughts -
1 comment:
I guess it is really a random thought, a normal expression and a usual emotion when someone close to you started to move on with their life and you have seems like left alone. I can said that i understands and that's why sometimes, I do choose not to be 'so close' to in order to keep things normal and to reduce unnecessary pain. You are never alone… an encouragement for you and also a simple words.
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