"Moodless"

Well, I am suffering this "moodless" motion for a few days now. People get confused of the meaning of "moodless" as some intepreted it as "No Mood" and some, "Moody" and some, didn't even know what it means. To me, it means I can not possibly feel any feeling or 'mood', that's what I call "Moodless". I am not sure what's the cause of it, but these few days, I just feel that I should just hide myself in office and home. I didn't have good moment these few days. I can't say I am not feeling happy because there is NOTHING wrong in my life at the moment and I can't say I am happy because it's simply NOTHING is going on very well in my life. A friend used to say "Life is predictable" everytime we asked him, "How's life". I didn't understand before but I do understand now of what that phrase means.

For the past 20 over years, my life was 'unpredictable'. Some people said we can control our lives, the way we lives, etc. But as for me, anything that usually won't happen in you, do has the possibility happening in my life. i.e. Sprained my back before I enter into an Exam hall for the toughest paper; Exam postponed because the premise suspected to have bomb; Shipped 2 cartoons of Cargos back to Malaysia and it never reached, etc. etc. I always struggles with life until I learned that, I can not possibly control my life no matter how hard I tried. So, from then on, those who knows me will recalled that I always says "My life is not in my hand". Honestly, there is nothing I can say besides recognising the existence and greatness of God once again.

"Moodless" : Since the day I left Kuala Lumpur and back to Sabah, life are 'unpredictable' as well as "predictable". I cannot foresee what kind of business is coming in, what sort of people I need to dealt with, how much I can earn each month, etc. etc. but I can expect to be able to sit in the office for hours without anything to do and also to plan what I want to do in the evening. So, if you ask me if I am doing fine, I will tell you I am but life is too predictable and I am losing the passion to face challenges. I need challenges and unpredictable life. But when it comes, will it bring me 'enjoyment'?

- moodless -