Fear?

If I didn't move to another place yesterday with friends, I wouldn't have realised how fearful I was before this. Friends had the opinion that I hide myself at home so badly for the past few months. First, she discovered that I have stored up many can foods, many rice, many other things at home ... After that, we discovered food in my room... then, we discovered a stick and a hammer next to my bed and she looked at me and said: "I think you were in a terrible fear before this, did you?" Seriously.... why is there a hammer next to my bed again? Was I at life threatening situation that's really that bad? May be I was huh? I know that fear I had.... surpasses everything else... even to risk my dad's health and life.

The worse thing is not the past... the worse is, I am still suffering from it. The gym room is just 5 minutes away from where I am ... and I am feeling the fear to even go to the gym room. Worse still, I wanted so much to go to church this morning... but the fear took over... fear to meet people, fear to get in touch with people....

I guess, I am seriously.... in fear, don't you think? Trust me, I hate this more than anyone else, but at the same time.... I have failed so far to overcome it... may be, just may be... i need someone to help me with this at the moment. Well... there's no one...

-Fear? -