I am not sure when was the last time this phrase came across my mind. I guess it was floating in my mind for some time now and that's why it was 'triggled' when one of this word was told.
I am a person who will care for other's interest more than myself especially on certain issue. My brother who used to be my Pastor reminded me once that I can be TOO responsible for things given to me. I somehow give myself so much of burden, pressure in fulfilling my 'task'. I guess he's right and in order not to 'hurt' myself so much in that, I have learned not to take things too seriously. (Some of you do know how much things and people hurted me in the past) It has for a while now that I have not really care for things and/or people around me. If you ask me what I want now, I probably will say the same, that is " I need a break", "Don't disturb me", "Leave me alone". Of course as some of you know... I probably have more than enough of those and it's time to 'work' again. I took up the responsibility, walked for a while and I am seriously feeling tired. I am down with flu AGAIN... can't remember how many times I got that since I feel 'tired' with things around me.
A direction that I thought is my direction has changed and I started to question why am I here for. To be stabbed, hurted, discouraged, disappointed by people arounds me? I can understand different people do have different direction, wishes, aim, or whatever you call it. But with all these you are doing, I am just asking... that you try not to 'hurt' people around you? Perhaps, not to be selfish SOME time?
Yes, you probably will say, perhaps all these are just my perception instead of your expectation. I do hope too. I too have feeling that's sensitive at time and when things like that imposed with or without intention and when it caused me to have that feelings as if it is your expectation, it's just not good.
Or... may be it's all started from my own expectation. i.e. I probably expect some to take care of the visitor in the cell. I probably expect some nurture their own friends. I probably expect some take care of themselves. I probably expect someone has the same perspective, etc. etc. May be, I shouldn't expect and just work things out myself? Is that what people expect that from me? I am doing it anyway... if you are not calling it your expectation, what else?
The funniest thing is, after I have done something, people don't really appreciate it... and more so, they 'apply salt to your wounds' some how. My perception too? Whatever...
- my perception v. other's expectation -
1 comment:
A good friend once told me: There are two things which inflict the most grievous wounds when they are set too high, (1) Assumption (2) Expectation. And the ones who bear the brunt of the hurt are usually those who really care for others, those who always put the well-being of others before their own. Because other people then tend to take you for granted, they expect you to ALWAYS put them FIRST, ALWAYS assent to their WANTS and their interests...etc. It is particularly hurtful when you've already done your very best for them, yet they not only do not appreciate what you've done, but pile on grumbles and complaints. I remember I was so hurt and confused at one time that I felt like I just wanted to withdraw myself from Everyone and Everything and just go live in the deep forest ALONE...
Recently, I have learnt to tackle this situation by NOT CARING TOO MUCH about what others think sometimes, as in "DONG-NO, DONG-K, DONKEY!!!", ie "I DON'T WANT to know What YOUR opinion is re this...('cause I've already done the BEST I can), I Really DON'T CARE what you think...(I Don't Want to hear what you have to say about it...& I MEAN IT!), and If you still Cannot get the HINT, then you are just another braying Donkey to me...( I . DON'T . CARE . !!!)
Those who don't understand your situation will feel that you've suddenly become cold, hostile and stand-offish when you put on this attitude, but it is the one way I find which helps to protect myself from further harm in such circumstances. Afterall, we ARE ONLY human! We May become LIKE Christ, but we can NEVER Become Christ!! And humans DO have LIMITS. Try shut out all the unnecessary 'noises' and give yourself a break (even if it's only a very short one) when you happen to find yourself in this situation. Those who truly know and understand you will...well...understand. Try not to put too much upon yourself. As long as you've done your best, that's it, that's all that matters, 'cause we can NEVER Completely satisfy everybody. You take care alright? The love of God and the grace of Jesus be with you always...
~A. Mikhaila~
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