God's call...

I was kind of still feeling down yesterday after what happen for the past few days. Some of you really great. You do know me well. Know when to call me when not to. You are great! Not that i know some of you for a long time. But you have been great! Thanks... for being around.

I have decided yesterday to have a day of 'break'. Break from almost everything except work. First, I went to this bank to see this office whom also is a church member and we sat down and talked for like 1 hour and she reminded me about the sermon on Sunday. That God entrusted us with things that we can handle (Matthew 25:14-30). Honestly, of all that I faced, I just wonder if He did wrongly in entrusting me with this group of people.

In the afternoon, I saw an OLD friend online. I have not spoken to her for a very long time. More than a year probably. So I decided to disburb her peace for a while. She reminded me about Moses. But we concluded in our conversation that, I am much much much better than Moses because I only taking care of a group and not like Moses... millions ... !!! However, I did stressed out to her that I do need some help.... like Moses' father in law to came out with some 'ways' to ease my pain.

I stay up late in the office yesterday. Didn't feel like going home. Didn't feel like going to cell group, didn't feel like doing anything else but... stay up late in the office. While I was doing some emailing at about 6:30pm, my office phone rang. It gave me a shock of why my phone rang at this hour. I answered the call and it's from my friend who is the bank officer. She was just trying her luck to see if I still in the office. After sorted out the works (1 min), then she asked why i was still in the office. This was what she said: " Why still in the office at this hour? Thought you have cell meeting tonight? Why? Didn't feel like going? Cannot. Go. After this conversation, switch off computer, pack and go home. Get yourselve ready to cell group." I wonder after I hang on the phone if this is from the Lord. I went home. Took my bath and rested for a while. Look at the clock and it's 7:45pm. I really didn't feel like going. But I dragged myself no matter how because of that phone call. During my journey, I just had the feeling that, I still love this group of people despites hurted in various ways for the past few months. I truely had a great time in cell last night. It's fun...!

God makes me ponder over the issue of my works these few days. I ponder over whether to continue to be equally yoke with my non-christian partner. I ponder over issue like whether to accept certain cases and the burden He placed in my heart. When I told my dad I might be going to England next year for a short term mission, although at first he is worried about my career, but he did reminded me that "If it's from the Lord, anything can happen to make you go." I guess... it is going to happen... 'anything'... be it a disagreement with partners, etc... "anything" will just happen to make sure I go... if it is from the Lord. I ponder then, of if I am alright with losing this firm. To my amaze...I am ready to lose it if it is not a firm that is pleasing to the Lord. God has trainned me to be able to accept a situation where I lose EVERYTHING. Some of you do remember that I had that experience before.

God always has the sense of humour. I am not sure if I am just a 'lego' of His. But I do feel like He is in control of all things... even whether I go to cell group or not last night, He is in control. A phone call at that hour? hahaha.. tell me about it!!!

Well... today, I am still pondering over the issue of 'God's calling'. And I am still renewing the 'first calling' and 'first burden' He placed in me. I guess, I need to be reminded. That my calling is not only to reach out to non-believer, but mainly is to train and equip christian to be strong in their faith. And that's why England is always in my heart. I almost forgot about it...

"God will do 'anything' to remind us of 'something'!"

- God's call -