Reliance?

I grew up knowing that God is the only one that I can rely on in life. I grew up in church and church has been a big part of my life, even though I was very passive then and reluctant to be known.  Yes, some people just have the character of not wanting others to know them well and I am one of them.  God has changed me since 9 after I was admitted in the hospital and heard His voice talking to me with my physical ear.  That year I remember, I gave my life to the Lord, .. and promise that I will serve Him no matter how hard it is.  I made a wish.. and that has been my wish ever since:  that He will continue to use me in His work. I realised, without being able to serve Him, life is meaningless.  God must have heard my prayer and the utmost fear in me was that He will not use me anymore.  Hence, no matter where I go, God is the only one I relied on.  I have never open myself up to human being because I believe, there's no one in this earth is worth my efforts and love.  Since young, knowing that I have a very unique character, my parents have make lot and lot of efforts to try to understand what's in my mind and what are the exact way to help me.  I am glad they realised I am 'different' and they have accepted me as who I am.  I grew up not knowing how to rely on people around me.  I have somehow, failed to get alone with people and I am still failing.  that's my ultimate weaknesses.
People somehow has misconception about my character and attitudes.  For wanting to 'serve' people well, people think I am being possessive.  For not being able to cope with 'non fix' things around me, it annoyed me.  Not that I wanted to get things sorted.... I hates sorting things too.  But for not sorting mistakes, not sorting conflicts, not sorting things that's not right, it annoyed me a lot more. I can't cope with others's imperfection.  I can't cope others' 'waiting' moment.  And so, I rather go solve things out myself instead of waiting for them to get things done.  i.e.  I have to wait until Monday for my car to be send it to get the door fixed and it frustrates me since yesterday ... and mood today is terrible.  I probably end up bringing some screw and tools to try to fix it myself before Monday comes.  OCD? I have checked. Nope. I am not.  hahaha...
I can't rely on my brother and/or anyone in his family to help me with things, except probably my nephew because he is as 'fast' as I am in terms of sorting things.  And I realised he is more like me than his sister even though his sister's character is almost 98% like me, according to my brother and my mom.  Well, they could have been wrong. hahaha...
Well,.... There's no one in this world I can rely on to lives and I am not relying on anyone, even though I did tried ... for the a few years.  Obviously, ... that would be the last time.  So, before i get old and need others to take care of me, I need to make sure I am dead by then. hahaha... how to be sure? well, I will go for mission and mission and mission until i get killed :) I will make sure that happen.  hahaha....
So, who am I rely to lives? No one and I am contented with what I have and do.  Church or not these days, doesn't really matter.... because God is what I need. Not church. But I will still go see my Godson Nathan tomorrow. Miss him so much....hehe...
- Reliance? -