I ended last year with bitterness, hopelessness, confusion, angers and hurts. I started this year with an experience and expectation which is very much different from the previous years. First, with difficulties, Secondly, with nothing. Thirdly, I will be starting this year with 0. Nope. I am not saying just in terms of money, but friends, ministries and career as well. I started this year all by myself and I am starting this journey alone.
I was up in a walk with a friend yesterday and we started by not knowing what is ahead of us. We only know there's paths where we can go on and we will eventually finish the path we took. We started with someone besides us but 15 minutes later, we were left alone. The person who was with us has taken another path off to another path (which we didn't know about) and we standed there to wait for another passer-by to show us where we should go, but we gave up waiting after 5 minutes. We choose one of the 2 pathes ahead of us and we follow that direction for a very long while, until we reached a very difficult path. I can felt that I was not having enought stamina to continue. I took a break on the way up to the hill. When I thought I am finishing with the hills, i saw another few in front and I stopped there telling my friend that I am giving up. Friend encouraged me to go on. I walked and walked up the hills and even though they are hills which looks difficult, it's not that difficult after all. I passed a few and an uncle saw us having difficulties under the hot sun, he gave us an umbrella. After we passed a few hard ones, we reached one which is the toughest among all. I stopped half way, sat on the floor and I really told my friend, "that's it. It's too difficult and I am giving up". Yup, my friend knows I didn't mean of going through all the hills. My friend knows I mean, what I am going through in life these days. My friend immediately sat down and encouraged me, helped me to get up, and before we started to walk, during such a difficult journey, an uncle passed by, my friend asked water from him and he gave us. While we walked another 15 minutes, we met another aunty and she left us down the hill within 15 minutes.
It's a difficult journey. I seriously don't think I manage to go through it if not because of my friend who really sat down and encourage me and took me on my hand and push me up the difficult paths.
In real life, I seriously at that point of time now, where I really saying "That's it, this is too difficult and I am giving up". But as i look around, I only saw all my friends just like other passer-by who just passed me by without even having the compassion to give me an 'umbrella' or 'water'. or even a word of encouragement. All they said is they are busy with their own life and all i need, is to do it myself. Yup. I am very much disappointed that everyone left me at that most difficult times of mine and I will never appreciate what they did. Through them, I only realised, I am a rubbish, I am not needed, I am a nuisance and I cause everyone in difficulties.
Yes, you may say God is what needed to focus... how can I focus in Him alone if the people who said they are God's children has done the damage most to me? I have my focus on God alright.... just that, I can't seems to understand why can't any of those i hold dear give me a 'hand' or at least an encouragement at the most difficult times of my life. Instead, they choose to leave me alone.
This is, so far, the most difficult time in my life and ... yes, I am seriously giving up. ...
- Tough Journey -
I was up in a walk with a friend yesterday and we started by not knowing what is ahead of us. We only know there's paths where we can go on and we will eventually finish the path we took. We started with someone besides us but 15 minutes later, we were left alone. The person who was with us has taken another path off to another path (which we didn't know about) and we standed there to wait for another passer-by to show us where we should go, but we gave up waiting after 5 minutes. We choose one of the 2 pathes ahead of us and we follow that direction for a very long while, until we reached a very difficult path. I can felt that I was not having enought stamina to continue. I took a break on the way up to the hill. When I thought I am finishing with the hills, i saw another few in front and I stopped there telling my friend that I am giving up. Friend encouraged me to go on. I walked and walked up the hills and even though they are hills which looks difficult, it's not that difficult after all. I passed a few and an uncle saw us having difficulties under the hot sun, he gave us an umbrella. After we passed a few hard ones, we reached one which is the toughest among all. I stopped half way, sat on the floor and I really told my friend, "that's it. It's too difficult and I am giving up". Yup, my friend knows I didn't mean of going through all the hills. My friend knows I mean, what I am going through in life these days. My friend immediately sat down and encouraged me, helped me to get up, and before we started to walk, during such a difficult journey, an uncle passed by, my friend asked water from him and he gave us. While we walked another 15 minutes, we met another aunty and she left us down the hill within 15 minutes.
It's a difficult journey. I seriously don't think I manage to go through it if not because of my friend who really sat down and encourage me and took me on my hand and push me up the difficult paths.
In real life, I seriously at that point of time now, where I really saying "That's it, this is too difficult and I am giving up". But as i look around, I only saw all my friends just like other passer-by who just passed me by without even having the compassion to give me an 'umbrella' or 'water'. or even a word of encouragement. All they said is they are busy with their own life and all i need, is to do it myself. Yup. I am very much disappointed that everyone left me at that most difficult times of mine and I will never appreciate what they did. Through them, I only realised, I am a rubbish, I am not needed, I am a nuisance and I cause everyone in difficulties.
Yes, you may say God is what needed to focus... how can I focus in Him alone if the people who said they are God's children has done the damage most to me? I have my focus on God alright.... just that, I can't seems to understand why can't any of those i hold dear give me a 'hand' or at least an encouragement at the most difficult times of my life. Instead, they choose to leave me alone.
This is, so far, the most difficult time in my life and ... yes, I am seriously giving up. ...
- Tough Journey -
3 comments:
I understand how you feel
keep going. it not the end yet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OzzywdDozo
try listen to this
When there's nowhere else to turn
All your bridges have been burned
Feels like you've hit rock bottom
Don't give up it's not the end
Open up your heart again
When you feel like no one
Understands where you are
Someone loves you even when you don't think so don't you know you got
Me and Jesus by your side through the fight you will never be alone on your own you got me and Jesus
NO!You shall never walk alone, I will stand by your side, stretching out my hands to you, pushing you, helping you, accompanying you, and cheering you. I know I'm limited, I'm helpless...but at least just let me stand beside you. No matter how many hills are in front of us, I will still walk with you, side by side. If you need water, I can get it for you;if you need umbrela, I will get it for you. No matter is raining or hot sun, short path or long path, we shall walk together even though we missed the paths.My dear friend, just promise me one thing, keep going on. Do not give up.... not allowed to give up. Remember how many times you said "that's it, I cannot make it?", but we made it at the end. WE MADE IT!!! This song suddenly came to my mind, all these while I wish to sing this song in the service, but i couldn;t find the most suitable timing. But I think, now is the best timing for you to meditate on this song.
God will make a way
where there seems to no way
he walks in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for you
He will be your guide
hold you closely to His side
with love and strength
for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way
By a roadway in the wilderness
He'll lead you
And rivers in the desert will you see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
He will do something new today
He will make a way for you.
Thanks dear, I know you have really done a lot and I really appreciate that. Thanks for being around even despites the 'difficulties' you have suffered from me all these while. I know you really care. Thanks for the confirmation!
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