These few months, I have been asking myself what makes me feel insecure and what caused all the emotional reactions which were mostly, beyond my own control. Am I losing sense? Am I going to go crazy. My friends somehow think I should go to see a dr with regards to this but has not known and/or amitted that they could be the one contributed to it. Well, I am sure they did it unintentionally and they probably didn't realise how serious this is to me and i am sure they doesn't know what and how I was triggled by it.
I guess I did told them that it's from July this year that I started to feel uneasy with things ... yes, instead of sitting down and talk, they started all the rejection methods because to them, I annoyed them with those personal problem of mine. I thought after telling them, things can be better, but that's not correct at all. Things gone worse and they have since then, not only caused others to react "wrongfully" towards me, but they have taken huge step into making things worse on me by rejecting everything I asked.
It's easy to say we can pack ourselves up and move on with life but... the horror was, the harder I tried, the harder things gone wild and uncontrollable. More hurts, more rejections I feel every single day. No matter how much I tried to convince myself by explaining things to them and others who did the same to me, all they could said was, "you must deal with it yourself". Yes, I told them, I tried and I couldn't and I need help... all they can think of then was, find someone professional. We are not and we can't help you. Helpful on the sense of rejection? I think that's the main rejection that caused me collapsed all together, i.e. they contributed and they triggled it and now, they said, they can't help and ask me to find a professional (someone whom i do not know at all). Brilliant idea!
A friend suggested that I do not have the right friends besides me. I admitted. But I do love them and therefore, I hold on to it. Months past... I tried so hard to pick myself up but things gone worse just because out of love and concern, of words I said, they thought I am imposing on them of whether I am happy or sad with my life. Nope. It's never my intention to impose my life to theirs. I knew they are not good friends of mine and why would I want to impose such things on them? I only treasure our friendship and would like to reignite the friendship... but that.. also making me feels rejected. Not to mention rejection that I feels almost every single day, for not wanting to go movie with me, not wanting to go weekend trip with me, not wanting to have dinner with me, not wanting to spend christmas with me... ,not wanting to share my life, not wanting to listen to me, not wanting to help, not wanting to send me to airport, start lying, etc. To a point, I find it so hard to send sms to even ask if my housemate is going to have dinner with me. I know rejection is what I will feel no matter how and when the message is to sent. "No. I have my own plan tonight" will be the answer.
Being jilted for a movie date and knowing that they went without me seriously wasn't something easy to accept, not something easy to forgive and forget. It only make the wound deeper.
I woke up this morning and God spoke to me, to deal with the rejection I have ! Let Him handle and help me. Yes, better than the professiona, God is the only one whom know me since young and walked me through life until today. He would be able to help. Yes. I might be shutting myself from getting hurt these days and at the same time (I know many who cares are feeling annoyed by me too), but I seriously is back to the shelf... to get myself protected from being rejected / hurt again. At the same time, I am seriously hoping that those deep wound I got will somehow being healed soonest possible.
While browsing the internet for rejection, this came:
"Social rejection occurs when an individual is deliberately excluded from a interpersonal relationship or social relation. The topic includes both interpersonal rejection (or peer rejection) and romantic rejection. A person can be rejected on an individual basis or by an entire group of people. Furthermore, rejection can be either active, by bullying, teasing, or ridiculing, or passive, by ignoring a person, or giving the "silent treatment." The experience of being rejected is subjective for the recipient, and it can be perceived when it is not actually present.
Although humans are social beings, some level of rejection is an inevitable part of life. Nevertheless, rejection can become a problem when it is prolonged or consistent, when the relationship is important, or when the individual is highly sensitive to rejection. Rejection by an entire group of people can have especially negative effects, particularly when it results in social isolation.
The experience of rejection can lead to a number of adverse psychological consequences such as loneliness, low self-esteem, aggression, and depression. It can also lead to feelings of insecurity and a heightened sensitivity to future rejection."
I guess I did told them that it's from July this year that I started to feel uneasy with things ... yes, instead of sitting down and talk, they started all the rejection methods because to them, I annoyed them with those personal problem of mine. I thought after telling them, things can be better, but that's not correct at all. Things gone worse and they have since then, not only caused others to react "wrongfully" towards me, but they have taken huge step into making things worse on me by rejecting everything I asked.
It's easy to say we can pack ourselves up and move on with life but... the horror was, the harder I tried, the harder things gone wild and uncontrollable. More hurts, more rejections I feel every single day. No matter how much I tried to convince myself by explaining things to them and others who did the same to me, all they could said was, "you must deal with it yourself". Yes, I told them, I tried and I couldn't and I need help... all they can think of then was, find someone professional. We are not and we can't help you. Helpful on the sense of rejection? I think that's the main rejection that caused me collapsed all together, i.e. they contributed and they triggled it and now, they said, they can't help and ask me to find a professional (someone whom i do not know at all). Brilliant idea!
A friend suggested that I do not have the right friends besides me. I admitted. But I do love them and therefore, I hold on to it. Months past... I tried so hard to pick myself up but things gone worse just because out of love and concern, of words I said, they thought I am imposing on them of whether I am happy or sad with my life. Nope. It's never my intention to impose my life to theirs. I knew they are not good friends of mine and why would I want to impose such things on them? I only treasure our friendship and would like to reignite the friendship... but that.. also making me feels rejected. Not to mention rejection that I feels almost every single day, for not wanting to go movie with me, not wanting to go weekend trip with me, not wanting to have dinner with me, not wanting to spend christmas with me... ,not wanting to share my life, not wanting to listen to me, not wanting to help, not wanting to send me to airport, start lying, etc. To a point, I find it so hard to send sms to even ask if my housemate is going to have dinner with me. I know rejection is what I will feel no matter how and when the message is to sent. "No. I have my own plan tonight" will be the answer.
Being jilted for a movie date and knowing that they went without me seriously wasn't something easy to accept, not something easy to forgive and forget. It only make the wound deeper.
I woke up this morning and God spoke to me, to deal with the rejection I have ! Let Him handle and help me. Yes, better than the professiona, God is the only one whom know me since young and walked me through life until today. He would be able to help. Yes. I might be shutting myself from getting hurt these days and at the same time (I know many who cares are feeling annoyed by me too), but I seriously is back to the shelf... to get myself protected from being rejected / hurt again. At the same time, I am seriously hoping that those deep wound I got will somehow being healed soonest possible.
While browsing the internet for rejection, this came:
"Social rejection occurs when an individual is deliberately excluded from a interpersonal relationship or social relation. The topic includes both interpersonal rejection (or peer rejection) and romantic rejection. A person can be rejected on an individual basis or by an entire group of people. Furthermore, rejection can be either active, by bullying, teasing, or ridiculing, or passive, by ignoring a person, or giving the "silent treatment." The experience of being rejected is subjective for the recipient, and it can be perceived when it is not actually present.
Although humans are social beings, some level of rejection is an inevitable part of life. Nevertheless, rejection can become a problem when it is prolonged or consistent, when the relationship is important, or when the individual is highly sensitive to rejection. Rejection by an entire group of people can have especially negative effects, particularly when it results in social isolation.
The experience of rejection can lead to a number of adverse psychological consequences such as loneliness, low self-esteem, aggression, and depression. It can also lead to feelings of insecurity and a heightened sensitivity to future rejection."
I am seriously feeling it already: loneliness, low sel-esteem, agression, depression, insecurity and a heightened sensitivity to future rejection.
I also found this article very useful: -
In order for not being rejected over sms or anything... I have make certain things clearer with my housemate. I know she won't feel anything about rejection because otherwise, she would be able to understand what I am going through. Well, after all, she has many friends and I am just one nasty housemate she got which she can lives without. (Ops.. is this a negative thoughts out of rejection?) Yes, those words can be offensive, but... I am coming out with it because of what she has done.
So, the next time you see me, if i have no reaction towards whatever you said, it must be I am on a protective shield. Seriously, this rejection issue is killing me and all the friendships around me...
- Dealing with rejection in daily life! -
3 comments:
i am grateful to have you picked me up from KK airport when i was here in KK :) i hope one day in the near future, i shall be able to contribute to you too! those "definitions" found in the internet or any sources are not wrong, i could say, but it's best to find the solution from the Bible than to have been persuaded by the "world dictionary" :) GOd bless you, peisan jiejie :)
XW
yo!!!! I shall never reject you! cheer up!!!!!! pick me up from airport on 22 dec????
peisan, thanks for sharing.
my good friends will tell u that i have been through that.
long story short, God WILL carry us through...sans friends. and no matter how perfect a friend is, they are not God =)
*hugs*
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