Lack of enthusiasm!!

I am not sure the cause of it, but it must be something to do with incoming holiday, friends away, loneliness, missed my trip due to court matter yesterday, case being thrown out yesterday morning, dissatisfaction with attitudes of my partners and colleague, and so on and so forth. I am feeling rather depress yesterday and today.

My partner told me we should pay one of our client a visit this morning at 8am. She called me up at about 7:30am this morning to check my whereabout and I was then on my way to office. She didn't want to miss the client as the client normally goes out from his office at about 8:30am, she therefore went to see him first. I came in, went up to greet him and just visit him actually plus giving him some chinese new year gift, etc. and because he is MY client, he is quite happy. So, after a few more moment of talking and chatting, we manage to secure a few project from him. Well, he always says I am his relative thought distance relative, but if you know me, I don't like to take things for granted. I am so glad that he gave us a project but at the same time, I really care about him. He is a generous man but people all over the places trying to take everything out of him and that, as his lawyer, I really want to make sure that he is not being 'cheated'. But that's not what my partner is thinking. She is also trying to take something out from him and if possible, all. And that has made me not very happy since morning. It is MONEY that is in her mind ONLY.

I came back to my office and realise someone placed this 'fortune cat' on my office signing table. I was not very happy about it and I went up from my room after I calmed myself down, and asked first my colleague who placed that. She told me is her and I told her to put it away. I know she is trying to impress us, but I told her I don't want any kind of those things placed in this office.

Then I was thinking whether everything in this world is all about MONEY. A friend whom I went dinner with last night told me that, NOPE. Money is not a BIG issue. God can handle that easily. But we need to trust Him fully. As she knew that I still have a few study loan to paid up and some debt builded due to my constant moving from one place to another, she reminded me that, all these things will fade away. I told her I am afraid actually to step out but she said I was wrong about that because to her she said I am as good as suicide bommer. I am bold. Once decided, I will go for it without much thinking. I am willing to DIE, she said. hahaha... I think I am. But I am still afraid / worry about future. It's blur. I can't see what's in front. I really like to be a lawyer. I like this kind of work. Worked till midnight, busy at all time, etc. I just LOVE that kind of life. Doing research, draft cause papers, filing, preparing for mention, hearing, trial. It's FUN!!! It's satisfying...... !!! So when you ask me put down everything now, it's difficult. It's really difficult. It's easier if I have let things go before this stage or when thing goes wrong... courage and assurance are what I really need in order for me laid down EVERYTHING. It's so difficult.

So I guess... that's why I have lack of enthusiasm to work, to lives, to enjoy life these 2 days. I am seriously depressed.

- enthusiasm? -