Lost of confidence?

It caught my attention while sorting out some matters I filed earlier on, and after I read through all those pleadings I have done, I puzzled and wonder, how come I was dare to file such application or suits in the civil court.  I puzzled because, none of them, I was certain about getting what I prayed for and obviously, I have done more than what I know the law permits.  In a way, I challenged the law a lot for the past few years.  To my amazement, I got through them all.  So, I wonder if my 'thinking' is as straight as the laws suppose to be somehow.

Same matters came up again... in front of my clients, I talked about what we did and got and so the chances is to me, high enough to proceed.  But, inside me, I am not as confidence as I used to me.  I wonder and ponder and have been holding up matters for month or months now, refusing to sort that out and file them in court.

Reality however kicks in, and I am in need of monies and so, I am now pushed to get it done.  But the thing is, I tend to me lack of confidence, as I re-check the research and cases again and again and again and again..... and yet, no drafting has yet to have been completed.

Am I lacking of confidence or am I being more senior now that I do not want to embarrass myself anymore? In a way, am I now cannot afford to make mistake? That reminds me what my ex-bosses (master) told me, that I should make every single mistakes during my junior time, especially pupillage, which I obviously did and due to the fact that I do not have anyone guiding me through after my pupillage, I struggled through everything myself by banging my head on the wall.  Now that everyone knows who is Lin Pei San in court, I have to behave.

Well, reality strike, I HAVE to do what I ought to do in this profession, even without any confidence.  I am grateful to my master (Tawau) that he emailed me and told me that even him, realised how much I have improved in my drafting, and so on.  Well, that helps a bit, but I am still challenging the laws that's uncertain in this country so far and I wonder how far can this go.

- Lost of confidence? -