FB has been showing a lot of pictures and events going on during this Christmas season. That reminds me, usually during this week of every year, I will be very busy writing christmas card to be send out before the 5th so that it will reach before Christmas. Besides that, I usually gets very busy with carolling, with church events, with practices, etc. etc. I was trying to remember when was the last time I had that. I guess it's 2010. I didn't manage to go to church in 2011 Christmas due to my sickness. I flew off to HK on the 27th and I was there until 2nd Jan 2012 before I flew back to KL and then to Tawau straight. I love that few weeks of freedom and holiday, away from work completely and just relax and sleep and chill. Being alone in HK is seriously cool. No one seems to bothered by me being alone. They still celebrated Christmas and new year with me, making sure, I get the fun too. That's what non discrimination means to me.
Well, I didn't get to attached with a church that needs my service ever since. And since then, Christmas has been 'peace and quiet' to me. Spent the last 3 years Christmas with my parents. Baked some cakes and biscuits, cooked some meals and decorated my balcony at KK condo. Relaxing... seriously...... and I forgot what sort of fun I have on Christmas. Seriously, I do miss being part of the 'celebration' but may be it is an age thing.... I feel I do need some peace and quiet. Seeing some photos friends posted from US and UK, ... that makes me wonder if I can spend one of the Christmas in England again, probably 2016. Well, let's hope I can finish this course and graduated smoothly by 2016 May and I can choose to have my graduation in November. Then... I will probably go away for a month or two. That's the best thing about having join 2 other senior lawyers as partners.
I guess, I have never get myself adopted in Malaysia after all. Was the conviction i had was manifested in the wrong way? Did He not sent me back here to serve Him? What have I done for the past 14 years doesn't seems to have make any sense to this calling at all. Worse still, I got defeated because I stand up for Him. I am still catching my breath... but at the same time, inside me, I am crying out to God, to send me back. "I want to go home". That's what I am shouting every single minute of life. Lord... please...!!!
I won't be able to know what will happen to be these few months if not because of my studies. Life become so meaningless...
This Christmas? I guess it is another year I am calling out to God to let me have a good sleep and rest before I return to work. I have completely lack of passion and expectation towards Christmas. Be it, the real meaning or any other meaning...
- Different feeling ... -
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