Parties...

Many times, in an argument.... we will keep fighting and fighting and argue and argue without 'listening' well to others what exactly they meant when they put certain words out.  i.e.  a child keep telling her mom that he doesn't like her dad's mother (grandma).  No one take that remark seriously.. because he is just a child.  Not until things happen and we started to blame each other for not paying enough attention to the child.  We assume responsibility be taken care of for both dad and mom, but... apparently, that's not true.  Sometimes or most of the time, one party will not take it seriously and in worse scenario, both parties or all parties listened but not heard what the child is telling them.  

For the past 1 year, that's exactly what I feel like.  That everyone just busy with their own works and other things and neglected wholly of what I was saying and/or trying to tell.  When things gone wrong, all the parties blaming each other and they even blamed me for not telling them or doing my part to do more.  Well, I have tried enough to seek attention from others.  Signals were given to many that "I am tired".  Did anyone remember when was the first time I mentioned that and did any heard what I was trying tell you? When thing goes wrong, they all blamed me saying my focus on God is not align.  Not only they blamed it on me, they blamed in on God.  

I remember I was quite upset when Caroline told me after 2 months of helping me to take care of the cell group that, "you must not rest for too long.  this responsibility is yours and you need to take it up".  Without knowing whether I can or not? She didn't hear what I told her.  "I am tired" and "I can't do it anymore".  

Debbie always found me dead when I returned from Tawau and besides asking me why and trying to listens, all she did was to scold me as if it help.... Vanessa? Ever since she found her group of friends, she has left for a long long time.  I can't remember when was the last time I told or share with her of what's bothering me.  Generally.... there's signals given but everyone just so happy and busy with their own life and neglected me.  

My friend described that even looking for me and share with me, her heart is still pain and can't get through.  I totally understand that feeling.... yes, not until the PARTIES or one of the party who is willing to sit down, listens and support and encourage you, it's just so hard not to feel upset and depressed.  It's like completely no support and completely like under the water, drowning.... 

I guess to them, it's a waste of time to just hear me out for 1 hour.  For a year plus now, 1 hour gathering with me or see how am I doing is ... waste of time. They have other things to busy with.  So yes... even though lives move on.... I will forever remember in my life that during the most difficult time in my life, everyone left me to deal with it alone and there's no support given at all from them and the church.