It was a conversation I had with a friend few weeks back that somehow, I told her that I have the sense of rejection lately... from everybody, everyone, anyone.... whom I know and whom I did not know, someone whom I sees as important and also those who are not important. I seriously do not mind not being known. But... somehow, people remembers me... not because of who I am, but of how good I can be 'used'. Well... as I mention earlier, I don't really mind being used because most of the time, I am WILLING to be used. But the 'after-feeling' that really haunt me terribly... because besides and after I was being 'used'... to fulfil whatever they wish and/or intended to 'use' me for, they just dump me aside.... let me be alone and do not even bother what I like, what I want, etc. etc. Well... I guess I am just feeling lonely huh?
Well, seriously.... I thought it is too... but I guess it is MORE than loneliness... I think my past has somehow haunted me... and yes, just when I thought I found some exceptions to it, those people just failed me... and hence, again, I am back... and the spirit of rejection is again back.... !
Hai... well, what can I say? I am just who I am... and I am as 'useful' as before, that's all. So? Who didn't want to use me if they can and dump me when they are ready to huh?
- spirit of rejection? -
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