The last quarter of 2016

The last quarter of 2016 has been a rather difficult few months for me be it, spiritually, physically or financially.  I am challenged to the maximum this 4 months.  First with sickness during the time where I am at the verge of submitting my 20% assignment and to cope with my studies, only to discovered that I have got measles after one to two weeks of having fever.  After that, there are numerous incidences at home which caused me to travel back and forth between KK and Tawau, that includes the demise of my beloved father on the 8th December 2016 at about 8pm, while I am in the midst of sorting two summons, 3 trials and my 60% assignment.

Life has been difficult.  I realised from all these, who are the people that stand besides me and who are not.  There are many who only come into my life when i am in good shape and left when they realised the bad side of me.  I am thankful to have those who knows the bad side of me and yet stay on to make me a better person and I am thankful for them in trusting me that i will be a better soul in future.  There are people that shaped me and there are people who only put blames on me for what happen to them but did not look what they did on me.

Worse still, when dad passed away, I realised there's few people who sent their condolences simply to 'redeem' their own mistakes and fault and to feel better with it.  For the past 5 to 6  years, they never send a greeting or regards, but only now, that they send their condolences just so that they don't feel bad and they will close this chapter in their lives.  Selfishness as I call it, well, it happens to almost everyone, including my own brother who only 'appear' to be the 'big brother' and next head of the family when dad passed away, trying to show up, take control of everything and disappeared, leaving the rest of the works and responsibilities to me.

People used to tell me that you will only see who are you true friends when you are in difficulties.  Well, I have seen a lot these few years.  There are too, people who loves to create stories behind and defame your name because they are too afraid that their bad part in their life is being revealed.  I often being the victim of all these non-sense.  People says i did not look for so and so for few months now and who knows, I have been blocked completely (in FB) by her and that hurts too much for me to care much about her?

There's always two sides of the stories.  Call myself selfish, well, I am rightfully claiming this rights, so myself is protected and myself is feeling right at least for denying such a friendship in my life. No. I don't want these kind of friends or people in my life.  Call me heart less or no love.  Whatever it is, I think i deserves a better life or lifestyle.  Call me selfish and I agree that I should at least selfish for once rather than being too nice and let others take me for granted.

These few months, i am reminded why I like to be with myself and no other people.  It is still better that way - distance myself from being too close to anyone at all.  Thank God for a group of people who know what i am suffering and still stand by me even it cost them to argue with their parents over 'endangering their life' to be with the sick one [well, once you are diagnosed to be sick, you are always labelled as sick].  Thank God for those who are here to trust me of who I am and still believe me as who i am.

This is my favourite month, but it is also a month I am very much down in mood.

Hoping that 2017 is a better year.

- The last quarter of 2016 -

Entering the 12th year of practicing law

It's never my intention to practice law until the 12th year, or rather, my senior (ex-boss) told me to just practice and in a while, time will reach 12 or 20 years.  As a strong christian, he reminded me that, it doesn't matter how we started the journey, but it is important how you end it.  He reminded me that, the world is full of temptation, we must always keep our eyes on Him.

Over the years, besides Hok Chong, my ex-boss, I have to say, 11 years of practice is only possible with His grace and mercy and blessing.  I don't know how I did it, but.... 11 years had gone past.  It is a celebration because I couldn't remember, besides people came along to 'take me for granted', there's anyone else in this 'world' that has blessed me in my career advancement. Unlike others who has mentor(s) or advisor(s) or senior to advise them or tell me what to do next, I struggle through ever files I handle, myself.  Do I have a master whom I can rely on? Do I have anyone supporting me financially? Do I have anyone who support me emotionally and mentally? Well, I must say, there is not only NONE, but also I am grateful enough if people arounds me are not making things worse for me. I don't think anyone would understand how I manage to survive until today.

I can only say, helps never comes from human being.  It's all God and His mercy and grace.  12th years, could be the last year of my practice.  I am not sure.  Only He knows what's my future is.  I don't even plan too because it seems like He is always the one who controls my life and future. All i need to focus now is, how to get through the 12th year of my practice and earn the LLM I need.   Only He knows and holds my future.  So, i can ask Him for Him to bless me and sustain me.

For people who is lending a helping hands (if any), thank you very much.  People like Mun Yee and Ines and Ya Ching, I always grateful to have you all to be around to 'teach me' what to do when I asked. For those people who couldn't even bother to help and yet claim that you know me, etc.  Well, thanks for helping me to grow up relying God more. For those who has been praying, thank you and May God continue to bless you for your wonderful heart.

Lastly, thank you Lord for everything.  You made me feels loved and you made me feels I cannot lives without You!  Thank you.  Please do not leave me alone like people do.

- Entering the 12th year of practicing law -

My Baby....

It's one of the best thing in life so far.... having been able to get something I wanted to get for the past 20 years.  It never crossed my mind to think of getting it. Not when I saw it again in Melbourne last year when my cousin asked me about the 15/16 size of guitar.  Love this Baby Taylor.  I never fancy branded guitar.  I settled with Ibanez for the past 16 years, when I came back to Malaysia.... with all my things went into the sea.  My dad asked if i need a guitar.  Of all thing, i think he knows guitar is my best companion.  So, my only graduation gift was my Ibanez AW50.

I have 4 guitars in UK, all passed on to me by those who left UK.  I gave them all out before I leave.  I have no recollection of memories of what they looks like now.  But it's just guitar, not one belong to me.  I only have this Ibanez AW50 with me.  I have no idea why I picked up Ibanez and why without pickup or cut in.  Most likely i just want something simple, something sounds nice, my favourite dreadnought shape and colour with the non-expensive price.  Speaking price, it's about RM890 then... now could be about RM2K? I am not sure.  It's pretty cool.  I used it when i was serving as worship leader and musician in Christ Church Likas.. until one of the flat came off and i didn't want to spoil it further until i fix it.

That was years before i took up distance learning LLM.  My goodness, God knows how much this LLM causes me, financially and physically.  It consume most of my time ... and even TV i have not spend time to finish a series properly since then.  It's summer holiday and I am not going anywhere for this year and next and so, I think the Ukulele somehow brought me back to my passion for music... and my love for guitar.

Taylor came across my mind and it's not as expensive as before - think i can afford it better now.  It's the size i want as it's a size which i can bring it around everywhere I go and I need one which I carry and yet, my leg can sustain well and it's not heavy, it is easy to move my fingers around.  I did thought of Martin LX1.  But i don't like the shape of guitar. Dreadnought Junior is my kind, but it's bigger and more expensive.  So, I was looking around and back to Baby Taylor.  It's just so handsome and nice.  I couldn't resist that temptation any further.

With all the hassles with one of the music stores and the complication of the authorised dealership and lots of yes or no for warranty and all, I finally got my dear baby ...

I love with Ibanez never ends.  They serves different function.  At least, for now, I don't need to worry about spoiling Ibanez.

After so long, I finally am happy to tell the world, I have a BABY TAYLOR!

- My Baby .... -