A lot of people been trying to feed themselves with understanding that (a) human is best not to be lives alone (b) social attention is needed and (c) we must get married or be with someone we love. I, however, have the opinion through experience that this might not be what we deemed as 'normal' or 'best way' of life. No. I am not against people being socialising with other human / pet. I am just saying, it should not apply equally beneficial to all human God created. My argument is that, every human being God created is unique and walk a different path with Him according to His Will. I do agree that God created man and women. I do agree that God created everything good. My question not is, is God creating divorce? singleness? loneliness? Majority of people might be having the thought that those are not 'normal' because majority are doing the 'norm'. Is that mean doing the 'minority' is deemed to be 'wrong'?
We can agree with one firm needs a few lawyers to operate. I can also agree that one firm run by only the sole lawyer. You may agree that living in a landed house is better than condominium, I would beg to defer that idea. I think, it is best that, one lives their own lives with God's Will sorted. One thing i like the most about England is that, we mind our own business.
I don't like (everyone arounds me be it close or less close knows) a person next to me that's always nagging, controlling, forceful and deciding things for me. Well, 'like' is an understatement. I HATE it a lot and i will make sure i 'leave' those persons behind and away from my life.
Worse still, those who seek attention from me. Goodness, if I happen to be caring and loving you, stop 'demanding' it more from me at my cost. stop making it sounds like, i owe you a million. Demanding and asking those from me is like bagger, alright? And no, I don't usually give to bagger. I always ask why do they have to bag. Do I ? It's a mentality and how much you are willing to work to get your life changed. Be it bagger, i think some of them are still struggling through by 'working' on making a life. I always look at those who see "Big Issue" on the street whenever I get the chance to in the Broadmead, Bristol. Or those who play music or guitars to get a living. Mind you, some of them are even millionaire.
All i am saying it, I am quite sure I don't like to get around with people who loves to nag, control, forceful and deciding things for me. Worse still, demanded that everything I do shall be with them, etc. I do have other friends, relatives, and a life to work on. Don't make me lose my life because of you. My life doesn't surrounded by just one person. My ultimate concern is still my parents and myself - my career, my studies, my entertainment, my time with my friends, church.
Being alone is wrong? I don't think so. I think life is better be alone rather than being 'changed' or controlled by others. I am better or well focus whenever I am alone. So, stay away from me if you want to control my life, i.e. including who i get along with or what kind of movie i want to watch. If you don't like my choices, stay away from me. Respect is to be earned.
- Alone? -
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Saturday, March 05, 2016
Application
It is weird, that... most people are very self-focus. They deed that whatever they do, as long as it is for their own benefit or their own happiness, they deemed as others also will feel the same. It's weird, which people never thought of the impact that they will give to the 'recipient'. No. Of course... that never cross their mind. If it ever does, it must be after the make their own 'assumption', i.e. they THINK how other fees, they THINk that's what the best for other, they THINK what they did will be beneficial to the recipient and that whatever they did, it is never near the line - WRONG.
Unfortunately, these people also those who cannot accept the fact when the recipient told them, what they did annoyed them and bring them discomfort. They somehow, insisted, that the recipient was wrong in having such thinking and the recipient had put up accusation on them and their well-intents. Still, they tend to think, ... as long as what they did is deemed right to them, what the recipient feels and do, is somehow, WRONG and they must be the one wrong because they now accused them for things that's purportedly to be wrong.
I am not a person who can feel loved when someone took control of my life. Unless some, who only feels good, loved, and belonged whenever their lives is being controlled by someone. I don't. I am just not those people. Since young, I don't ask others for their 'permission' for things i want or do not want to do. Somehow, I am seeing this from my niece these days. Others, me including can feel so annoyed by such characters and attitudes. But that's US. We don't like people controlling us. We don't like people telling us what to do. I got angry with my mom nagging me to go haircut and when she stepped over the line by making appointment for me, that's it. I am NOT talking to her the whole day. Line cannot be crossed. Once crossed, that's it.... and don't expect me to take that line off by just saying 'sorry'. It doesn't work that way at all.
I could be silent towards your 'suggestion' but if i didn't 'act' on it, stop the issue there and then. I allow you to give suggestion, but doesn't mean you are smarter than me and can make a better decision for me and I therefore have to follow your decision.
Those who knows me well would have know it. I love my freedom. I don't like to be 'controlled'. I must say, I hate having people acted like a boss or princess or king and asked me to COMPLY to what they demand me for. I am not one who will bow down towards your threat, your begging, you crying, your duress, coercion. The more this is done, the more I won't bother much. That's me.
I know there are a lot of people who are self-focus and selfish. Accusing me for not forgiving them even for what they did. But they never understand and examine themselves what they did and what impact they made before shifting that blames to me. All they saw is they already apologised. Damages that caused that I am still trying to solve for MONTHS..... did they see it? I bet they didn't even notice. Does apologising is good enough and that everything will resolved thereafter? Come on.... if you happen to put Diesel in your Petrol car... the action is done. Saying a word of 'sorry' doesn't mean the diesel will turn into petrol and all things will resolved completely. I still need to do the necessary to change it and it costs right? It takes time isn't it?
This is not kindergarten where you are allowed to make mistakes and walk away with it by just apologising. Even if my niece and nephew made a mistake, they have to apologise, and then amended it. Apologising itself doesn't help much. An adult should know better. By apologising and walked away in your adulthood, it is call irresponsible. Say sorry, left the place and let me sort out the mess and then blamed me for accusing you because I didn't accept your apologise? This is totally unacceptable. By right, you made the bloody mistakes and you are to sort that out. Why me?
These days, whoever make a mistake because they didn't ask, they acted smart, they PAID for it. Sometimes, some people, just need to grow up and learn things. As much as I wish others to be able to be more mature, ... there are still people having their age growing up, but not their intelligent and emotions. Sadly, the number is rising with the younger generation and I am seriously having difficulties understanding them. That includes, they haven't help their bosses to earn a penny and yet they are asking the bosses for salary so that they can afford a good life. Once, a boss asked me during my interview, how much I am wiling to help him earn in a month. He, later told me he expect me to earn triple of what he paid me and he asked if I can do that. I was only asking for RM2,800.00. Can you help your employer to earn RM8,400.00 a month? Most graduates now a day asking for RM4000. Are you able to help your employer to earn RM12,000.00? Don't be selfish .. even in seeking a job.
- Application -
Unfortunately, these people also those who cannot accept the fact when the recipient told them, what they did annoyed them and bring them discomfort. They somehow, insisted, that the recipient was wrong in having such thinking and the recipient had put up accusation on them and their well-intents. Still, they tend to think, ... as long as what they did is deemed right to them, what the recipient feels and do, is somehow, WRONG and they must be the one wrong because they now accused them for things that's purportedly to be wrong.
I am not a person who can feel loved when someone took control of my life. Unless some, who only feels good, loved, and belonged whenever their lives is being controlled by someone. I don't. I am just not those people. Since young, I don't ask others for their 'permission' for things i want or do not want to do. Somehow, I am seeing this from my niece these days. Others, me including can feel so annoyed by such characters and attitudes. But that's US. We don't like people controlling us. We don't like people telling us what to do. I got angry with my mom nagging me to go haircut and when she stepped over the line by making appointment for me, that's it. I am NOT talking to her the whole day. Line cannot be crossed. Once crossed, that's it.... and don't expect me to take that line off by just saying 'sorry'. It doesn't work that way at all.
I could be silent towards your 'suggestion' but if i didn't 'act' on it, stop the issue there and then. I allow you to give suggestion, but doesn't mean you are smarter than me and can make a better decision for me and I therefore have to follow your decision.
Those who knows me well would have know it. I love my freedom. I don't like to be 'controlled'. I must say, I hate having people acted like a boss or princess or king and asked me to COMPLY to what they demand me for. I am not one who will bow down towards your threat, your begging, you crying, your duress, coercion. The more this is done, the more I won't bother much. That's me.
I know there are a lot of people who are self-focus and selfish. Accusing me for not forgiving them even for what they did. But they never understand and examine themselves what they did and what impact they made before shifting that blames to me. All they saw is they already apologised. Damages that caused that I am still trying to solve for MONTHS..... did they see it? I bet they didn't even notice. Does apologising is good enough and that everything will resolved thereafter? Come on.... if you happen to put Diesel in your Petrol car... the action is done. Saying a word of 'sorry' doesn't mean the diesel will turn into petrol and all things will resolved completely. I still need to do the necessary to change it and it costs right? It takes time isn't it?
This is not kindergarten where you are allowed to make mistakes and walk away with it by just apologising. Even if my niece and nephew made a mistake, they have to apologise, and then amended it. Apologising itself doesn't help much. An adult should know better. By apologising and walked away in your adulthood, it is call irresponsible. Say sorry, left the place and let me sort out the mess and then blamed me for accusing you because I didn't accept your apologise? This is totally unacceptable. By right, you made the bloody mistakes and you are to sort that out. Why me?
These days, whoever make a mistake because they didn't ask, they acted smart, they PAID for it. Sometimes, some people, just need to grow up and learn things. As much as I wish others to be able to be more mature, ... there are still people having their age growing up, but not their intelligent and emotions. Sadly, the number is rising with the younger generation and I am seriously having difficulties understanding them. That includes, they haven't help their bosses to earn a penny and yet they are asking the bosses for salary so that they can afford a good life. Once, a boss asked me during my interview, how much I am wiling to help him earn in a month. He, later told me he expect me to earn triple of what he paid me and he asked if I can do that. I was only asking for RM2,800.00. Can you help your employer to earn RM8,400.00 a month? Most graduates now a day asking for RM4000. Are you able to help your employer to earn RM12,000.00? Don't be selfish .. even in seeking a job.
- Application -
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Sometimes...
Sometimes or most of the time... I hope people that i am working with and rounds me be reminded always that I CANNOT read minds. It is harder to comprehend what they are talking about if they tend to contradict themselves with their words and/or the way they communicate with me. At one time, they told me they can get things sorted and then, they disappeared with the unfinished work for weeks.... I seriously cannot understand or read mind and I certainly do not want to make unsubstantial assumption. Are they incompetent? Or may be they are too busy? Or they cannot agree with me? Or when they said they can get things sorted but actually they can't? or I misunderstood what they told me in the first place? wait, or may be it is done? or ... at least to them it is and to me it is not? I mean hello? ... I can't read mind. When words / communication doesn't tally with actions, ... it stress me out. I am unable to comprehend and.... worse still if blames are put on me .... accusations and allegations are being pushed to me to justify. My reaction will be, "bloody hell, i don't even know what's going on in the first place, why me again? so now what to be solved again?"
so, ya... there's just too many of those people arounds me. Everytime i asked my clerk what happen to the matter, they will tell me.. and seriously usually it is done properly. But if it is not, the files sit on their table forEVER until i asked. Then they will say, "er, i think i can find out how to solve it". APPRECIATE that a lot. But hello...... if you don't mind , please fill me in the blank of what's happening first before you DECIDE to put on efforts to sort it. Simply because I am the one who needs to tell clients what's going on and I can decide better if that matter is URGENT OR NOT.
It's that frustrating when people try to NAIL you on the wall without telling you what's going on. Some people just somehow got angry (no idea why) on me and pin me on the wall and persecute me like nobody business. Lies and lies were communicated to me. Lies because words was told is never what actions shown and .. at the end of the day, I have PROBLEM trying to figure out which one is truth. I gave up entirely trying to understand and figure that out anymore. My brain is very occupied with works and studies these days. When text messages and emails or whatever it is are not being responded and all, I gave up completely on this so call 'communication'. If the person want to dwell in the miscommunication and being stuck inside a 'presumed communication', I have no duty nor power to stop it.
One of the danger of having depression is that, we are unable to control much of what we WANT to think. I put it as, all my thinking is WRONG and i need someone to verify it for me. So, in many times, i seek 'help' by asking people around me, if situation like this happen, etc... whether my reaction and my emotion are applied correctly. Of course, people we ask, needs to be those who can keep secret and those who are care enough to let us know what is right or wrong. In a way, for a period of time, i tend to listen to others more than myself as ai have completely lost confidence over my own decision and thinking. I was glad enough to found Dr Leonard who was so patience in listening to me and all my stories, even though to him, it has no value and benefit to him at all. Most of the time, he asked me to don't think about it, go talk to someone who i think will understand and try to listen to what they advise me instead. I soon realised, many do care but don't know how to help me and when I did asked for help, they are so willing to help. Some people, even though I scolded them, they just took it as it is and came back with chocolates and coffee and sit down and talk again. I really treasures those a lot.
So, speaking about cracking heads to understand our own 'thinking'... i have to admit that, not all my 'thinking' is correct. And i wish, everyone knows this fact too and learn from it too.
In gist, we can't read minds, not even our own mind....
- Sometimes ... -
so, ya... there's just too many of those people arounds me. Everytime i asked my clerk what happen to the matter, they will tell me.. and seriously usually it is done properly. But if it is not, the files sit on their table forEVER until i asked. Then they will say, "er, i think i can find out how to solve it". APPRECIATE that a lot. But hello...... if you don't mind , please fill me in the blank of what's happening first before you DECIDE to put on efforts to sort it. Simply because I am the one who needs to tell clients what's going on and I can decide better if that matter is URGENT OR NOT.
It's that frustrating when people try to NAIL you on the wall without telling you what's going on. Some people just somehow got angry (no idea why) on me and pin me on the wall and persecute me like nobody business. Lies and lies were communicated to me. Lies because words was told is never what actions shown and .. at the end of the day, I have PROBLEM trying to figure out which one is truth. I gave up entirely trying to understand and figure that out anymore. My brain is very occupied with works and studies these days. When text messages and emails or whatever it is are not being responded and all, I gave up completely on this so call 'communication'. If the person want to dwell in the miscommunication and being stuck inside a 'presumed communication', I have no duty nor power to stop it.
One of the danger of having depression is that, we are unable to control much of what we WANT to think. I put it as, all my thinking is WRONG and i need someone to verify it for me. So, in many times, i seek 'help' by asking people around me, if situation like this happen, etc... whether my reaction and my emotion are applied correctly. Of course, people we ask, needs to be those who can keep secret and those who are care enough to let us know what is right or wrong. In a way, for a period of time, i tend to listen to others more than myself as ai have completely lost confidence over my own decision and thinking. I was glad enough to found Dr Leonard who was so patience in listening to me and all my stories, even though to him, it has no value and benefit to him at all. Most of the time, he asked me to don't think about it, go talk to someone who i think will understand and try to listen to what they advise me instead. I soon realised, many do care but don't know how to help me and when I did asked for help, they are so willing to help. Some people, even though I scolded them, they just took it as it is and came back with chocolates and coffee and sit down and talk again. I really treasures those a lot.
So, speaking about cracking heads to understand our own 'thinking'... i have to admit that, not all my 'thinking' is correct. And i wish, everyone knows this fact too and learn from it too.
In gist, we can't read minds, not even our own mind....
- Sometimes ... -
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