Frozen

I was so busy when Frozen was showing in cinema. However, enough attention brought it to me when Danny and Jenny purchased the Frozen - English version and they showed the BM version and they got frustrated and posted on FB.  It didn't cross my mind that I will have the chance to watch it. Not until one Saturday, Pam asked me for movie. I remember it was a hectic week and I needed a break and though Frozen was not one of the preferred movie, since Pam wanted to watch it, I tagged along.
It surprised me.
I found myself just like Elsa, at least for the past few years.... First, the frozen heart. Second, the uncontrollable 'power'.  Third, the avoidance to hurt others.  Fourth, ... Fifth, ... etc.
After the movie, I wonder if anyone has been knocking the door, has been asking me to build a snowman, has been asking me to go play with them... Suddenly, I felt like I was brought into my own world for a tour...
it took me a few months now ... to adjust myself. I guess, i do need a little help. May be a true love?
- Frozen -

Proof/Evidence!

There's one issue which has been resounding in my mind for many years and it often confuse me.  Everyone told me parents love me but past experiences (my younger days) proves that they love my brother more and because of my 'not so usual' characters, they always gave me the impression that I will bring them shame. Well, at least that's the impression I got.  So, to be able to accept myself of who I am, it is hard. More so, to make other to accept me as who I am. Well, one fact I cannot deny. I cannot change who I am to become someone I wish to be like.  So, since young, I am 'different'. It will be better to be 'different' in a good and acceptable sense.  But I reasoned that the majority do not like me. That's a fact.
So, over the years, whenever someone told me they love me, I know, it won't last long.  For the past few years, it's proven (a lawyer just need convincing evidence to justified certain facts) that even though people said they love me, they don't really love me.  Almost everyone left during the most difficult time of my life.  After that moment went past, people start coming back, asking for 'benefit' when they know what I can offer.  People take advantage of me.  There's always a reason why people call  me, why people ask me for lunch or dinner, etc.  I don't mind the 'sharing'.  Seriously.... because I cannot bring them with me to the grave anyway. After all, I don't need them when I see my Father in heaven.  I will have everything there.  But what I do not like is that, they 'used' my love and heart.  Where were they when I needed one the most? Why do I need them now?
I said Almost all....
For the past few years, I am always reminded of what my dad used to told me once when he realised how and what all the other did to me. He said, "Not EVERYONE.  At least I know there are some who really care and love you here in Tawau. As I can see, Hz always care and love you.  Not everyone left you".  It wasn't an easy 'fact' to accept and I guess it take time.  It's just so difficult to 'reopen' myself to trust that fact again.  I guess love is a life long journey and the package comes with other emotions either, including trust.
It's not an easy task to for me. It's probably easier for me to love others.  But it is definitely not easy for me to be loved.  It's been close to 40 years now that I only saw 'empty promises'.  Shall I trust another promise? I need more evidence to be convinced.
I guess that concluded that why I rather not to interact with people closely these days.... I don't want to listen and believe in another empty promise.
- Proof/Evidence! -

The reason?

I was trying to finish Bible in One Year for another round this year.  Just when it started not long....I was reading about temptation man and women encountered at the Garden of Eden. Well, needless to elaborate, you should know the 'story' by heart and we heard that many times when it was preached to us.  We also know that what God said to the serpent, the man and the women.  All we remember was that, To the women he said, "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children..  Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you".  and to Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, "You must not eat from it,'"cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life.  It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field.  By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return".

These are not "promises" God made or gave to us.  Let me remind you that it is a CURSE. Does it ring a bell? It's a curse and we are meant to find a way to 'un-curse' it.  For generation to generation, for years to years.... many of us is still being deceived by the serpent to think that it is a 'promise' and this is what man and women should do. i.e. to work like a donkey to earn our living and suffer pains for childbearing.  Nope.  That's CURSE.

So, tell me.  What's wrong for not being able get married and get out of the 'curse'? No childbearing hardship is no good? Really? So, why are some of us laughing at us who are the Singles? Because you are jealous that we are not under the curse aren't you? Well, of course you might have your reason and personal interpretation of this verses.  But to me, I know God has forgiven me and the curse has been unfolded and hence, I manage to enjoy every moment of my life the way it should, i.e. with God alone. 

Yes. If you are asking me whether I am in a relationship, the answer is always YES.

- The Reason? -