Independent?

I met with a well known architect and developer recently and I went to him and say hi to him....and he shakes my hand and said "you are always so independent!".  He has known me since i was young... and I am sure everyone is surprise that I have never asked them for help in my business ventures.  I never requested them to help me up as a developer nor uses my parent's fame and name to gain more businesses.  Guess that's the main reason why I am not back in Tawau and started my own firm there.  I know many will give me businesses if I do, but is that what I want?
No.  I am very sure that I don't after the last incidents with my relatives' cases.  Those kind of pressures.... is the last thing I want.  I don't like to bring shame to my parents too... as I have always been (at least that's what I think)... and certainly do not want my parents to endure an extra pressure from protecting me or .... defending me, whichever applies. hahaha....
Being in a place where not many knows me.... as a young lawyer, I guess that's what I need.  Making every mistakes, trying every efforts... to make my own money, lives my own life, enduring the necessary suffering and pains and pressures, to take one step at a time... to grow...and to become an experienced lawyer. It is expected that many will complain, many will dislike the way I handle things or even the way i speaks... but that's me...
I am trying very hard to stay 'sane' due to the above.  Yes.  People still help when i needed or cried for help. Clients still come back despite being scolded by me.  Some left, as expected.  But that's how I 'filter' my clients.
Being independent?  I guess in my situation, it is by force.  I don't choose it.  I just happen to be the only bloody lawyer who is not smart enough and without any family member who is lawyer who can give me full support.  Unlike most of the lawyer who is rich and whose parents are in businesses.  I don't.  But I am not giving up.  I will never give up.  That's what i call, being independent.
- Independent? -

To be or not to be...

For the past few months, many came and asked me the same questions.  Firstly, why am I still using "Kenneth Thien & Associates".  Secondly, why am I not applying to be Bank panel.  Some are lawyers, some are not.  To be honest, I have no answer for that.  I am just pure lazy to put on effort to get the firm name changed I guess.  Whenever I thought of getting the new firm's envelopes, letterhead, signboards, receipt books and account name changed, printed, sorted out... I just don't feel good about it. Further more, I seriously do not know how much things need to be done since the firm name is already known by bankers now, etc.  So, if you ask me if I am establishing my name or Kenneth Thien's name at the moment, I seriously have no idea.  As far as I know, lawyers and court clerks who saw me, they know I am Lin Pei San from Kenneth Thien & Associates. But when my nephew told me he wants to be a lawyer one day....I am now having second thoughts... May be it is really better to put on Lin & Partners? or Lin & Associates? hahaha....
For the second question of why am I not wanting to be bank's penal lawyer? Hmm... good question.  Again, it's another that needs lots of efforts and staffs to be around and past year's experiences told me, I can't cope with both side and so, in order to be 'good lawyer' and 'ethical', I guess, I better say no to conveyancing for the time being.  After all, I am just helping those whom I know with their documentations.  The documentations and dealing with banks... trust me... that's the last thing I want in life. 
A few lawyers who keep telling me I am doing a right choice to keep the firm small.  Well, my principle is this, that, as long as it is not stressing me out and as long as there's money coming in that's enough for me and my future, it's what I call, ENOUGH!  So, I don't need to be greedy and rich.  I don't have a family or children that I need to take care of.  I don't have much burden as my parents are well taken care of.  So, I am seriously trying to enjoy life to the fullest....
Just this week, just when everyone is shouting that business is slow due to the election, ... I am rushing works like crazy.... court matters to be filed one by one.  Preparing for trials, etc.  Apart from that, I am shaking my legs.  Trying to get rid of one or two of the clerks that has nothing much to do. :p So, yes.... from a size of 5 staffs, I am down sizing to 3. hehe... cutting cost and expenses. So, who is richer? Do I need to have  'big firm' in order for me to be call "rich"?
- To be or not to be... -

Efforts, lot of efforts.

Knowing that I went through major depression for a while, many who has their friends and family members who's suffering from it came to look for me for advice.  All of them asked me the same questions, i.e. (a)  Is that mean, it is possible to get it over with? (b)  So, it only take 1 year to get well? (c)  How did you do it?

My answers exactly, "It's not easy. Many efforts had been put on."  I will say, it is extra and extra efforts made.  Just like you got up to a horse for the first time, when your instructor asking you to start trotting.  You wonder if you can do it.  You wonder if your legs will have enough strength, whether you will lose balance and fall down from the horse, etc. etc. etc.  But instead of coping 'physically', you are basically asking a depressed person to cope with depression.  It's not easy because it attached with your feeling.  i.e. you are happy, and you are forcing yourself to be unhappy.  Now, that's easier for you to understand, instead of me saying, if you know you are unhappy, you are forcing yourself to be happy.  Many people thought it's easy to make yourself happy.... but in a depression scenario, you are not doing that.  It's as difficult as when you are happy, you are trying to make yourself unhappy. Yes.  extra efforts needed.
I am blessed enough to have my parents.  Even with my dad's situation, I think he helped the most.  For me to cope, to adjust, to put extra efforts, etc. etc. I am blessed to have managed to moved myself out of my 'comfort' place to go around people I do not know, with or without me liking it or not.  I am glad enough to put efforts to take up a phone to call someone when I cannot stand it.  I am glad to have a good doctor definitely ... for helping me not to rely on medicine.
I am glad I put enough efforts to make sure I got away and distance myself and cut myself off from things, people and places that caused me depressed - church is the greatest.
I am seriously glad to have relatives from all over the world who gave me tons of advises and supports and not seeing me as someone who is mentally sick.
Oh well, I must say, .... there's lot of efforts being taken. Many which needs a lots of help from people around.  I am lucky enough not to have a family, a husband and children that can gave me extra pressures.  I can be rich by now, but i choose not to.  There's just too many adjustment, decision that forms part of the efforts.
There's just too many times, people who are depressed will just let it be ... doesn't want to come out from it. Because being depressed is much easier than climbing out from it.  To snap out from it?  It's not hard, it's not even near hard, it's IMPOSSIBLE.  I just happen to not bothers about what other says about me and walk around, do works, live a life normally, healthily.  If you can't give a helping hands to those depressed people, just walk away and don't bother at all.  Because if you don't, with the 'hope' you gave them initially will discourage them later to a point, they will need extra efforts to get back to the same point.
Until today, I still hope one day, those who caused more hardship to me during the most difficult time of my life will experience at least once in their life.  I wish them good luck in handling then.
Oh well.................it's over. The nightmare is over... and I will make sure I will not get back to that position anymore.