Heartbeat!

I wonder if everyone realised we cannot really control our heartbeat.  We are told our heartbeat is normal or abnormal from the way it's beating.  Most of us have a usual heartbeat since young, but not all of us.  Some of us, have a different heartbeat for different things or persons or matters.
I called a friend asked her about some new rules on the Rules of Court 2012.  Simply because I am the only litigation lawyer who has yet to have gotten a copy of the Rules of Court 2012.  Well, I am a bit greedy.  I want a copy that's error-free, that's why and unfortunately, the Sessions Court Rules has yet to be out and hence, we are still expecting some amendment on the Rules. So, yes, I failed to force myself to get a copy, yet.
So, a friend who is in KL asked me why do I sound excited and happy.  I told her I ran out of Pills and I am excited because I am drafting a statement of claim to sue someone.  To her, that's MY heartbeat.  To her colleague, I am destined to be a litigation lawyer.  Whatever that means... that's what they saw, my 'heartbeat'... that's beating fast when it comes to work, to drafting a statement of claim to sue someone or some company.
I used to have this passions, a strong heartbeat to serve God in His church.  That heartbeat somehow stopped when I realised, people or leaders are corrupted in their services and I just find it so difficult to serve with them.  I do not want to be on the same 'road' as they are to be exact.  So, after coping for a few years, I gave up, completely.... That heartbeat stopped!
I went to court yesterday morning and I looked at the music shop next to the court house and suddenly I realised, I have not been playing my guitar for years now.  Sadly, I don't even a a single guitar pick with me anymore.  I used to have at least one in my wallet.  But now, I searched the whole condominium, I couldn't find a single one.  My heartbeat for ministries in church has stopped.
I have met some people whom have known me for many many years and whom has saw my strong heartbeat before lately and they asked me how am I coping with both ministries and going back to Tawau every now and then.  I told them I am not serving in Church anymore. They gave me a very shocked expression, in disbelieve.  Yes.  That's because I have never stop serving Him in His church.  I have always been asking and praying to God that He will give me a ministries and the opportunity to serve Him.  He has been giving me a lots of opportunities, even today. Just in another way.
Many people has different view about serving God.  Some people has stronger heartbeat and some has lesser and some do not have.  My brother has strong heartbeat in certain areas in ministries which I happen to have none on it.  Some people has the desire to walk the road Jesus walked.  I don't. hahaha... Some people has stronger heartbeat for missions... and some don't.
Somehow, not all who look at us know our heartbeat.  When they cannot see our heartbeat, they can't understand which way we are heading to.  They will tell us, we are having an abnormal heartbeat.  But to us, they see it as abnormal because they have made their own 'rules' and 'line' to determine where 'normal' should be.
We gets stronger heartbeat when we fall in love with someone.  And i am having a stronger heartbeat for Jesus, for God, because I am seriously in love with Him alone.
Are you having the same heartbeat i am having or are you having a stronger heartbeat because of anger and dissatisfaction? I choose, not to be bother about anger and dissatisfaction, but continue to be filled by His love.
I hope your heartbeat for God is 'normal'.  If you are not, please aligned your heart.
- Heartbeat! -

Compare?

May be what I have achieved is not what to the others as 'brilliant'.  Well, I am not smarter than anyone.  I am not more capable than anybody.  I don't come from a businessman's family.  I don't have a rich dad and mom.  I never excel in my studies.  I always struggle to pass all the exams.  I do not have a dad who is a lawyer to back me up.  I do not have a dad who is rich enough to send me to study master degree, etc.  Well, many has their first car which is 100 fold better than what mine is.  Many has their own firm when they graduated.  They have been wearing a luxury watch since young.  Own their own house when they are 18.  Have a few properties in their hand when they just graduated, or while they are still studying.  While I was hopping from one bus to another bus, some already driving a Merz or Ferrari.
All my classmates on my first year of college has a car, a condominium and their father or mother is/are a lawyer, having their own firm.  I felt so out of place and obviously, I have problem even understanding a sentence I read in my law book, but my classmates were all English speaking.  I feel so 'low class' compare to them.
I worked my way out.  I own and gained things with my own hand.  Unlike others, who never know how hard it's for someone to work and earn their money.  Most of them now a day, started their first job with at least RM4K pay.  Me? Let's not mention.... as I started to do part time when I was in England so that I can pay for my rental every week, with only received 4 pounds per hour.  I remember the first time I managed to save up and used the money to get a camera tripod from Jessop.com.  I was like having the best and happiest day I ever had.  Managed to get something I really like and wish for.  Saved about 6 months.  That's satisfaction ... it's so hard to describe really.
It's not easy to work hard and smart to earn every penny.  I am not those who sit there and wait for works to come in and receive money.  I am not working but not EARNING.  I am EARNING every penny with sweat and tears.
I was telling a friend this evening that, when people saw me, they won't even think of giving me anything to bless me.  Not even service.  Because they will have the impression that a lawyer has everything she needs and she's rich and she doesn't need 'blessing'.  Is this true?  You will never think of blessing a lawyer or a doctor? So, we only bless those who are poor and needy? I am not so sure about that teaching in the bible.  Seriously.... when was the last time you blessed a lawyer?
I won't say i never receive any blessing from others.  I did.  Some great people did blessed me.  To begin with, my uncle blessed me a lot, by sending and supporting me to study law even though he hates lawyer. Lisa Kong of course blessed me always with lots of fruits and food and gifts and laughters and time.
Well, .... I am not a famous lawyer who has a rich and wealthy background.  I have earned everything by myself.  - of course with God! hehe...
Hence, I love this... I treasure everything I have. Compare to others who has it since young and as gift from their parents... I think I have better satisfaction, even though... it's only 'cheap stuffs' still.
- Compare? -

New watch!

After 3 times of trying to repair my faithful watch, it's not able to be fixed.  To ease the discomforts of not having anything hang on my wrist, I look around the shop for one and I have purchased this.  It's not what I usually will get, but ... I guess, I am ok with this for the time being...
The only embarrassment was, 2 of my credit cards were not able to swipe through and I ended up went to the bank and withdraw cash and return to get the watch.  I think the shop owner must have thought I do not have enough money. hahahahaha.... Hence, even I have the cheque book with me, I didn't even ask if they will accept because, who on earth will believe a piece of cheque if 2 credit cards were not able to get through? hahaha..... I still think the shop's machine was faulty.  hahaha....
By the way, it's a good timing to get this now as it's the 9th anniversary this year of being called to the Malaysia Bar.
- New watch!-