Appreciate?

It's weird that these few days, I have been meeting what we call "仇人" (enemy).  Haha... a friend was talking about this person whom everyone will associates with me whenever anyone talks about her.  And since our 'common friends' were never around me, I never talk about her.  She just like a smoke, evaporated in the air, i.e. never exist in my life anymore.  What have she done? Let's not talk about it.  One of two do know what she did but as usual, I will not talk about it or to clarify with anyone what she did or whether I did or she did the right things, etc.  After all, that's about it... I have 'erased' her from my life completely.  The best part is, we do not lives in the same town and if we do met each other, we will just walked past each other.  It was done twice for the past 3  years.  Once, dad and I went to church and parked next to her car.  Dad got down from the car and started to chat with her and I just walked straight without even look at her in her eyes at all. Second time, it happen 2 days ago in 1 Borneo Hypermall.  We went past each other shoulder to shoulder and none of us seeing each other nor greet one another.  Yeah, I can be that extreme.  That's right.  Does it hurt? It was badly and deeply hurt when things went really wrong and that she couldn't be considerate at all.  She did it, and so, delete was the button she forced me to press.  I did after everyone including my sister in law told me, she's a bit too much.  Thanks to SJ for being helpful to become the middle person to sort things out.  I still believe until today, SJ took out her own money and paid me instead.  Thanks.  I really appreciate that.
Weird, I went to the hospital today... yes, again! Damn... from another workshop to another one.  Looks like lots of parts need to get repair. hahahahaha... well, now I have more and more scanning and examinations to do..... but instead of upset or sadness, the dr seems to be quite shock to find out I was rather calm and still can joke and he look at my referral letter and am convinced that I am very well with my depression. With a few examinations, well.... he suspected something just like the rest did.  I was reluctant to go back to the hospital again and again seriously... but in a way, i am FORCED to because it disturbed me from working... arrgggh! Anyway, when I got down from 8th floor after 2 hours of examination, the lift stopped at floor 6 and DY was standing outside the lift waiting to come in.  She was shock to find me inside the lift.  I seriously have no mood to talk to a soul after what the dr told me, and I don't even have a mood to talk to HER in particular.  I don't want more news spread around which becomes gossips or that I am being controlled by evil, etc. etc.  So, yeah... I didn't even want to talk to her at all.
These few days, I have been thinking... what if I met one of them in the street? How should I face it? Now... I know... it doesn't hurt anymore.  They are already OUT OF my life for good.  I don't need to care for anyone anymore nor I want to be care for anymore.  Those who choose to left me alone during the hardest moment in my life... I have pressed the delete button and deleted them from my life/dictionary already.
Worse still, Mel brought IC to church on Sunday... hahaha.. interestingly, yeah, 3 persons on 3 days... and none hurts at all. I feel good.. hahahahahaha... so, I can tell my dad now... "I did it, Dad! I did it!".
They have thought too much about me relying on friends too much.  That's the last thing I was trying to do.  I was finding support .... and all I can say was, I did found a few.  The greatest support, not financially, not to be included for EVERYTHING, no need to be in the same church, but still encouraging me, no need to contact me every single day, etc.  but being themselves and treated me the same like things never gone wrong after all that happen.  That's what I need the most.  Being themselves and treating me the same as before. I seriously thank God for Lisa Kong and Delson Ong.  You 2 are just great!  Thank you! Everyone else has left except you 2.  I really appreciate you both.

- Appreciate? -

Who is?

Interestingly, many of my friends contacted me from everywhere in the world for the past few months, through personal visitation, facebook contact, whatsapp, viber, tango, email, MSN, you name it... I am greatful to know althought I am alone here in this city which I said once that I will never in my life step in here and lives my life her, they have somehow through many ways tells me, they have not forgotten me and they do care.  The greatest encouragement I have of course that not only one, but a few who told me, they are proud that I get myself treated instead of denying that I am sick like many others in the world, ended up they have killed themselves or get their lives in trouble. 

Well, I realised, when we are at this age... be it we are married or not, life is challenging.  Some of my friends who had married for 15 to 20 years started to talk about divorce for the first time.  Some, talked about difficulties handling their teenagers at home.  Some started to querral more these days because their children has left home for studies and they are alone at home.  Some of them called me just to check on me around 8:30pm or 9pm and came to know I just being lazy and resting at home without doing anything including not eating, all they said were I am so much blessed because they won't have that pleasure at all. 

I have a friend whose 2nd daughter has been sick for months now and she is so worry about her daughter and at the same time coping with pregnancy... but yet, her husband doesn't care much and all her husband said was "You have expected too much from me".  Sad, suffered depression and ... feeling of guilt seeing her daughter in such sickness... and yet, she denied she needs help.  By seeing all these, I am thankful that I am not married. hahaha...

But somehow i hates people using 'marriage' as excuses for many things.  They choose to get married.... so, what use that as an excuse?

Who has problem?  By being able to get myself treated, I know I am not the one having problem.  The problem one are those who didn't recognised their weaknesses, their wrong and still blame it to others.  Worse still, I am sorry for them for not being treated or being able to ask for help themselves. 

Who is? Of course those who denied they need help.  I am definitely not in that category.

-Who is?-

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

Amazing!

Amazing.... i am still enjoying life! In fact, i started to be more aware of whoever want to come close to me these days. It is true, people will only respect you when you are rich and famous. Otherwise, you are just no one. I used to try to be different or make a different on this but i guess the reaity told me, i should just blend in like anyone else. If that's the way to lives or stay alive.... that's what i should do and am doing. I am definately getting 'there' and i am not going to 'share' anything with anyone, anytime.  If you need help, find it yourself. Don't ask me, don't beg me.... and more so, don't tell the church (this is a clue for you). I gave up veing nice already.... looks like i am happier this way... and so, i am keeping it this way... hehe...

-Amazing-

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4