Total Loss!

It's huge lesson, not for anyone, not for everyone... but I do somehow has the privileges to experience this ... from God of course.  It took me years to get over with the issues of losing EVERYTHING belonging to me in England when the cargo was declared has been destroyed in a shipping accident.  I remember that was the first time my mother called and calm me down before telling me the 'bad news'.  And to make sure I was ok, she called my brother to call me.  3 years properties, that includes all my assignments, my awards, my belonging, all those gifts, memories, photos, books, etc. etc.  You name it.  Pain... that pain...! It took years to slowly adapt and accept the fact... and only after years when I started to forget what's in the 2 big boxes.  That was the first experience of how I lost everything that I took as the most precious in my life.  After the incident, everyone said I have turned into someone who doesn't care much about things and people around me. I agreed because it taught me that nothing last forever, ... especially tangible things.  Nothing last.... and of course, i guess that's the main reason why all relationship matters falls apart too.  I can't seems to trust anyone, anything, any situation....
After losing everything and start from having 1 laptop and some clothes, I started to look at life on different angle. All these of course started with how God 'found' me again when I was in England and how He moves me back to Malaysia, with my step of faith of course.  It's challenging journey instead.
Last year, God made me lost everyone, every single people I treasure and love so much in a few months time. It's even more challenging that the "pre-warning total lost".  What I treasure a lot? (a)  Church life, (b) my dad (c) certain close and supportive friends (d) my own sound mind/myself.  Yes.  I lost them all.  First with the departure of Kiat Ping.  A best and awesome and supportive friend whom I can always relied on and whom I had relied on for the past 15 over years.  Be it I was in England, or back in KL, his "presence" through the internet (mRIC then), etc, and physical presence has somehow cause a huge support in my life.  Losing him is unbearable.  If you wonder why I know so much about computers and all, all credits goes to him, including hacking and all.  I remember how he manage to send a motherboard to me from Malaysia just to get my computer fixed while I was in England, with detail instruction given. Musics, etc that was sent to me so that I won't feel bored. How can I forget? Other friends who left me because of my sicknesses all at once (Not only those in KK, but also everywhere... great ai?), losing my dad who can give me advices, etc. (but he still remains the best support I have still), I am basically left with no one around me.  Not to mention of course losing my partners at work, a church, a group of church friends... etc. Well, at least i know who is my true and real friend now.. none!
I wonder for a long while why He makes me losing everyone, everything....
No. I never lose my focus on Him.  Don't judge too soon ... I have never forgotten why I am back here for and what makes me come back here for.  I can't seems to understand how does the 2 relates, but I can tell you now is that, I survive until now even with 2 times of total loss! But how long can I last? I really don't know. hahaha...  of course no one knows. hahaha...
- Total Loss! -