It's a valid question I think... to ask someone and even to myself from time to time. Well, it's a sermon addressed to us last sunday and a topic we were suppose to discuss in cell group this week. Well, I didn't go to cell this week because I seriously do not know how to answer the question.... wait, no.. it's not I do not know whether I am happy or not, it is obvious... I am not happy, but I just do not know how to solve the problem.
It's the work/job that I have now that I am not happy about. I am not sure how should I put it, but I seriously not satisfied with the pay, and with the amount of works I get. I am basically not paid to stay in the office to look after the firm, but I am doing it for the past few months. I don't see fairness... yes, speaking of lawyer who is performing something/some work/some services without seeing the fairness of it is the most difficult part in life......and/or in this profession.
More so, I am lacking of friends/people arounds me,.... no. I am not saying I do not have a soul besides me. I thank God He provides me with some very close friends, friends which is just a call away.... and friends who will stay and care even though I scolded an got angry on them unreasonably. But ... i am feeling lonely in the office, in work, in court, and even in class.... I am just feeling so .... 'empty' and 'lonely'. Yes... this can be from the heart... but I am feeling it physically too..........!!!!
In terms of ministries in church, I am not happy because I cannot agree with the different views of church leaders on ministries... most of them are concentrating on the 'work' park then ministries.............. said I do not understand and/or that I have a higher standard on ministries... but yes, I am not satisfied with how things are going in church... i am not satisfied on the fact that people are relying on their own understanding then by faith. I cannot understand why people can be so shortsighted in their vision...etc. etc.
I went home for a day and I came to know that I am also not satisfied of being me... at home... I am not satisfied that I am from this family. I am not satisfied that I am not doing good enough as a daughter of my parents.... I am simply not satified and not happy about life.. in general, I think.
With all those financial obligations, life in general and all... if you are asking me whether I am happy, the answer is a straight NO, I AM NOT!
Friends has been reminded me that I am not seeing it because I am not happy with God and I am basically not focuing in Him and my joy is not found.... in Him. Well, perhaps... I am ... I really need time to ponder and recover from this....and try to be happy again.... please do not push me to recover now... I am at a very rebellious stage at the moment.................
- Are you happy? -
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