What do you expect this Christmas?

As I was listening to the sermon yesterday morning in church, my mind somehow wander to the the many years of christmas I celebrated. There were christmas I spent in Tawau, with my family, with relatives, with friends, with lots of events, celebration and there are too christmas I spent alone in Kuala Lumpur, there are christmas I spend in England, be it alone, with relatives and/or friends, there are happy christmas, sad one, angry one, frustrated one.... and I wonder therefore, what do I expect on this coming Christmas!

For the previous years, I have spend a few away from home and this year, I somehow decided to spend Christmas in Kota Kinabalu. For the past 2 years, I left Kota Kinabalu for Tawau on either 22nd or 23rd of December and this year, I am only coming back to Kota Kinabalu on 23rd.

Seriously, when the question of "what is my most memorable" christmas posted to me about a month ago, I seriously couldn't recall one very significant event.... Could that be the Christmas I spent in England? Which year? Could that be those I took about 6 months to organised? Could that be those I spent when I was much younger where I was asked to act as Mary and sing in the Choir? I have... spent Christmas for many years, at least 25 years if not 30 years.... and I couldn't somehow recalled a Christmas where I was completely filled with joy.

The reason could be because I know we were celebrating the birth of Jesus and somehow, Christmas related closely and deeply with Easter... where Jesus died for me in the cross... and hmm..... so? are we suppose to be happy?

I wish I can be happy to celebrate the 'festive occassions' with gifts, wishes and greetings... but, more so, I wish I have room for Jesus at this coming Christmas!

A friend commented that there's always terrible disasters at year end... and Christmas is at year end........ there are many out there in the world, do not even know what Christmas is... and they too, do not experience happiness or joy on Christmas! I hope therefore, that this Christmas, my gift to them would be to pray for them...

By the way... I really wish, I can have a joyful christmas this year (for a change) !

- what do you expect this Christmas? -