Remembering my GP

This post is specially dedicated to my family GP since I was 4 years old.  Just in case you ask, yes, he is one of those who make sure I survive until today.  A doctor I am afraid of when I first went to see him because he would make sure I speak in English with him, even though I was only 4 years old. From one word to a few words to a sentence and a conversation, and that's how our relationship was developed to more than a GP, but a family friend.  It is him that I have understood what different cultures and races means and how not difficult it is to accept other races and cultures that are so different from ours.  He is a very talented and patient-doctor and yet, can be fierce especially if you are hard-headed and refuse to listen to his advise and continue to harm yourself.  "No no no, you don't do that" as he turns his head the people from India do as he looked you through your eyes when he speaks.  He will sit down slightly to the right at his chair, put his right hand on his chin and in deep thought when he was curious and wonder what happened really.  You can see him in deep thought and then he will walk around at his confined space between his table and cupboard and told me to lie down in the examination bed next to a sink, which he washes his hand and getting ready with his stethoscope, after he called, "Nurse".  Yes.  That's how exactly he examines all his patients almost every single time I went into his room.  

I grew up weak by having a very weak lung, that's mean I easily get cold and cough and fever.  Instead of just prescribing medicines to me and cure me each time, he took me dearly to him and educated me and my parents on what I should prevent and what I should do to improves my lung.  He's like a father who would take times and efforts to make sure things will get better as I grow up.  Sad to say, seeing him less over the past 10 years simply means, I am physically better.  The last time I went to see him, I was having a bad infection and I remember him sitting down, looking at me, taking up my case file and pointed to me and said, do you know you are one of my first patients when this clinic started? The front page of the case file stated, Lin Pei San, 4 years old.  I remember vividly.  He smiled and said, "you are a lawyer now.  I am proud.  Tell me what kind of cases you do?" and so I told him what I did and he said "that took quite a bit of stamina" and I laughed and said, "glad my lung didn't fail on me because I have a good doctor".  He laughed and then he said, just a cold, get some med, not too stressful and rest more.  That's the last time I visited him and the clinic.  I walked out, standing next to a drawing that was hung in this clinic as long as I remember it while waiting for my medicines.  The pharmacist saw me standing there and called me and as I bent down to talk to the pharmacist, she told me she used to saw me from that little window when I was still too short to reach the window.  I told her, it's almost 35 years ago now.  Can't believe time flies and I told her, but everything still looks the same, except you have a new aircon now (not the one that needs to drill a hole kind) and she laughed.  

His clinic will not be the same anymore and I doubt I will be going to the clinic anymore. 

I will have to keep my memory from now on and wish that I can see him again one day.  It's really saddening to learn about his demise.  He has been a very dedicated and loving doctor.  I am missing you already Dr. Kulasingam.  

- Remembering my GP - 

Self-sufficient or God-dependent?

I am not done with what annoyed me by the prosperity gospel teaching I spoke about in my last post.  I still got very disturbed by the fact that everyone who is very much influenced by the prosperity gospel teaching that we shall not speak anything that's negative and anything as such will be called, "declaration" which once you "declare", it will happen, which is not good.  Oh come on,  so, things happened not because of God but of words that spoken out of your mouth because you will somehow face adversities in life and you are just telling the facts and that somehow become a declaration? 

As far as I know, my God is not as small as only perform what words came out from one's mouth.  But maybe the God that you know is different because it does sound like, the people/the words people speak is God instead of God being God, which, definitely means, people are trying to be God, for as long as I remember or know, yes.  They tried to wish the positive things to happened to them and wish negative things to goes away from them, and suddenly this sounds very Chinese to me.  Oh well, I guess, it is a human thing rather than just a Chinese thing.  

These people somehow think why can control over things by their faith, their beliefs and their 'declaration', that's what they are doing and believe to be doing.  Do they need God? No.  They want GOD to do whatever they declared, but not necessarily following His will and what God wants in their lives.  Sadly, I realised, it is not a new thing or a new gospel teaching because as I read on the book of Micah, it seems like that's what humanity has been, trying to be self-sufficient and making sure that they are good enough and that they do not need God because God will love them and give them whatever they want.  I wonder if that's so, why are there still people who are suffering from sickness, from poverty, from adversities? 

If the word 'dead' is bad instead of negative and that we are not supposed to speak or 'declare' it, then what was Jesus teaching was when it comes to John 12 when He spoke about the needs to be dead in order for God's name to be glorified?  Is Jesus' death a positive or negative thing? Ok.  You might ask what annoyed me to have 2 posts on this.  Well, I am sick and all I asked is that friends pray for me because I do not want to go through another surgery. Instead of some encouragement to ask me to focus on His Will and have some faith in Him, etc, I was being scolded for "declaring" that I am sick and I might need surgery. Two of them said something about I must have done such a bad thing that I grow up having lots of sicknesses too.  I got angry and annoyed because, 1st, who they think they are? God? 2nd, did I declare? 3rd, do they know what's going on between me and God before they being judgmental? 4th, what's wrong with me being God-dependent? I did not however tell them any of those above, but simply said, "well, I am weak and I need God and that's why I pray to God and know nothing about declaring because it is a fact that I am facing this situation". 

Just like what Micah 5 says, there could have been a lot of situations where I will need God to deal with and help me with.  But like Jairus, like the women that have 12 years of blood loss issues, as long as we have our faith and eyes fixed on Jesus, it is more than just our sickness be healed, but our ultimate, bottom-line issue - sin be forgiven.  If we are only focusing on the issues, but ignoring all the process and relationship with God and the ultimate bottom line issues, we would have missed a great deal of knowing and experiencing Him.  Who are we to judge or to declare things to happen or not to happen? To choose to be self-sufficient or God-dependent, I am still on the latter, no matter if I am losing some close friends.  I pray that they will find God and be born again.  

- self-sufficient or God-dependent? -   

Prosperity gospel

What a label I put on people who always declare here and there, only for GOOD, nothing bad.  They are basically COMMANDING God to give them everything GOOD and prosperous and anything that's not (according to their dictionary and understanding and that their tiny little brain can cope), they alleged that all are from Satan.  WOW! 

That's the blow I got from some friends who are so into Joseph Prince and his preaching and seems like they are totally devoted to Joseph Prince and not God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  SERIOUSLY?  Why am I saying what I said? I have to claim a disclaimer here because it is wholly my experience with 4 people living in Singapore and listening to Joseph Prince's preaching and seriously, I got worried. Worry is probably an understatement, to be honest.  

These people seem to do this a lot: - 

(a) putting everything you said that's negative to - "you shall not declare it". 

(b) everything negative (not necessarily bad because everything turns out to be super good if we follow His plan) is not from God and has to be BAD BAD.  

(c) only good things (prosper, wealthy, healthy, happy) are from God and everything else from Satan.  

(d) lack of relationship with God/Jesus.  They only go to church, listen to preaching and declare.  They will not understand the relationship with God. 

(e) they are asking God to fulfil their wishes and wants and not seeking Him and walked in His plan. 

and the list goes on.... 

Seriously?  Anything negative is bad? anything positive is good? Our God is so small and so easy to comprehend? Then where is the idea of 'seek' ye First is for? This group of Christian might not understand why Moses was born in that era, in that family and grow up in another and why he was given leadership but not the ability to speak fluently.  They probably only see the power of God that leads Israel out of Egypt but never gotten to read the rest of the chapters about the wrath of God, why God allows certain things to happened to Moses or Israelites.  They will never put their mind to wonder if there's one single Israelite that will stay put in Egypt and never left. All they know is, God, lead them out of Egypt and full stop. They forgot completely about what happened before and after the incident.  Or wait, I am sure they preach about this too, just that may be a different context. Still, they will say, no matter how DARK ages it was, God leads them out of Egypt because that's His plan, His plan to prosper and give them the promised land.  Really? is that all?

At times, I wonder why God let me suffer so much throughout my life.  Trust me, this bunch of friends are the last I will turn to because they will point fingers and said it must be something I did horribly that God is punishing me, etc.  Instead of telling me to hang on to God, seek Him and His kingdom first, and follow His plan.  I never blame God for sufferings.  Looking back, I thank Him for all that happened to me, those experience, the walked with Him throughout the whole journey, it is one of the best experience in life that I will not regret having.  In fact, one of the best that not many experienced.  Acknowledging myself as weak and small who needs Him is never a declaration that I do not need Him.  In fact, it is a declaration that I need Him so much in my life.  The so-called prosperity, it cannot be quantified by a measure of the world such as money and possessions or even family.  Seriously, I always said financially I am poor, but in spirit and relationship with God, some of my cell group members will know and jealous, that I enjoy so much my time with God  - prosper.  I love having a conversation with Him, spending time with Him, doing thing with Him, going through hardship and good time with Him, and trusting Him and meditating His words, etc.  I realised recently that not everyone has those moments in life where you truly enjoy the time spending with God and when my cell member heard me share and desire to have that closeness with Him, they can only ask how and keep trying.  I am glad I do and I enjoyed it.  So it doesn't matter if I am in good time or bad, as long as I know I have Jesus and God and Holy spirit journeying with me through it, even death I am not afraid of.  

Life, is never under my control.  Everyone has good and bad times and I count them as all from God,  including some challenges to test me.  For spiritual warfare? Oh well, if you have it, consider yourself blessed because even Satan unable to stand that closeness you have with God. And if God is with you, who can go against you?  I wouldn't know when I will be dead or when is my last day on earth. But as I aged, I do not want to die so soon because I want to enjoy a bit more time with Him and doing His work. I feel utterly unbearable with huge discouragement and disappointment when I know doing His works might be limited now due to pandemic, due to covid-19 and what more, due to my poor health.  But nothing should stop me from having a good relationship with Him.  Be it I am having good or bad times. 

I seriously hope my friends will not just praying for prosperity in their life here on earth, but also seek His kingdom and Will first, and not focusing just right on prosperity in this world.  If I have to die in order for His plan to goes smoothly, I am ok to die.  As long as it is His will. 

- Prosperity gospel -