Last day of 2012

I have been spending the last few days of 2012, writing Written Submission and trying to clean up the condo I am staying, including installing racks that I was wanting to put up since 2 years ago.  Time flies.  I didn't realised it has been for a long while now.  Life has definitely been good and better.  Over the year or two, many things revealed by itself without much explanation.  Many lies that were told by others to cover their mistakes and ugliness had revealed by itself. I can only summarised that as KK people are just too free and they are hypocrites. The churches in particular.  I have heard so much about the churches here since young, of how arrogant they are, how unloving they are, how selfish they are, etc.  But when I was 'sent' here, I can only obey and trust God.  Indeed, for as long as He wants me to be in CCL, I was there serving Him faithfully.... but of course, I am sure they did not know it's them who didn't be obedient to God.  They opposed not me, or the priests, but they opposed God.  They think they won the battle by throwing me out of CCL.  But they have failed to see how much they did to disobey God in many ways. 
I am just a small fish...... what can I do if God is not with me?  IF they think by chasing me out of CCL is what they called as "God's Will", then they know God very little.  For 7 years I was with them, .... I didn't get a single phone call from anyone for the past 2 years.  That's how 'loving' they said they are. 
Anyway, I am putting all these to a full stop by today.  I am not looking back any more. Instead, the whole matter had made me realised how corrupted a church is.  Just when it shows it corrupted side, they were also shouted for 'justice' towards all the other Anglican members in the Diocese by asking the Bishop to step down.  hahahaha..... I was laughing out loud because, they are not only hypocrites, but they are also think they are GOD and they are mistake/fault free man.  Arrogant is the only word I can put up to describe them.  Stupid is another word of course.  Who are they to judge?  I just cannot stop laughing.  Oh well, after seeing that scenes,  ... it's confirmed that it's the church and it's people that has problem.  They can't tolerant others to point out their mistakes.  They are arrogant, they just want someone who is like a mouse to act as a puppet for them as a Bishop.  Their pride certainly is bringing them destruction. They have not seen GOD in any way.  They acted like they are God instead. 
I was sad and felt sorry for them.  Cried many days, many months for their stupidity and pride.  But I don't anymore.  They accountable to God what they did.  I am glad, I have no regret in 2012.  I have done what I should for Him in 2012. 
For the year 2013, I have only one resolution.  I promise God... to get even more closer to Him in 2013.
- Last day of 2012 -

Love?

Many was talking above loving one person, having their own kids and loving them, etc.  But not in my position to see 'love' in those ....
Loving a person and I am to marry him? Hmm..... I think the correct thinking is this:  I shouldn't make others suffer.  Look at my parents, look at my mom.... oh dear... and with my weak health since young, I don't think I can give a nice life to my partner, if I would to marry him.  So, I would rather he gets married to someone better ... at least, less suffering. 
Children? Goodness... Since young, I always asked my parents why they want to give birth to me.  I don't think there's any fun here in this world, except sin... and suffering.  So, why bring people to the earth to suffer again? I don't the point.
I am making this very clearly... that whatever happen to me, don't bother.  It's just me and I am dying anyway.  So, no need to bother much about me.  Waste of time and strength.  hehe....
So, yes, I am shunning away from everyone who especially wanted to care about me. 
- Love? -

Christmas 2012

I cannot remember when was the last time I celebrated Christmas. I miss Chrismas.... Especially those I had in England - home. Home because God has done so much in and for me when I was in England. Home because not only I enjoyed the fellowship and food and culture, but I also enjoyed so much of what Christmas truly meant for me.  Ever since I came back to Malaysia, I was and still adaptimg to reverse culture that I find it so hard to adapt and accept. Be it the church's teaching or the heart of people whom I celebrated with. Somehow, the meaning of Christmas has been so much differnce here than back in England.
These few years in particular, where I was not in any way being able to take part in anything, I somehow being 'brought back' to those time when I was in England.  Oh dear... I seriously and truly miss Christmas at HOME - England.  I miss my time with the Lord.  Miss my time with Brenda, Michelle, Larissa, and the gang.  Miss the unforgettable mega fireworks on the top of the building which situated above a mountain, overseeing the whole Bristol.... I just miss my life.  I feel that I have completely loss my life ever since I came back....
This Christmas was nothing great or special.  In fact, it's just too .... quiet.  However, I had a wonderful Christmas present (only 1) which I truly like, I had a few messages from wonderful and great friends (less than 5).  I had fellowship with old friends and relatives where we all complained and shared the same view of those born after 1980 .. that we all cannot stand their attitudes. hahahahaha....
And we can just sat around and talked anything, everything, including pro and cons of the Christmas programme, etc. hahahaha.... it's just fun!
That's what I call, a Christmas 2012.  Merry merry Christmas everyone!
- Christmas 2012-