Disturbed!

Well, not that I am disturbed by anyone or anything in particular.. I am just emotionally disturbed. First with the feeling of insecure in me over my career. It is like no guarantee in whatever I do and my future in particular is not guaranteed and secure. Well, not that career would guarantee anything in future in the first place, just that.. at least, it should be something which I can look forward to. AT least an aim should be there for me to achieve. So, ya... due to the insecure feeling I had, I applied to colleges to start my teaching career. Again, yes, I do understand that this will not too to be able to secure my future. Only God and His promise will!

I was so pleased to be informed by 2 phone calls that 2 colleges are looking for law lecturer at the moment. One, part time and one, full time. I went to the part time and for an obvious reason, I do feel it is more acceptable ... because of the amount of time committment I need to give to a part time job. For a 3 hours work of a week, I will get that amont of pay, I think it is good. That's the first college.

The second one ... is a full time job. Trust me, i drove in to the college compound and I realised no one drives a Kelisa or Kancil in that college. Every car I seen is at least Toyota Vios level and most of the, are a better car then Vios. I feel intimidated... seriously... hahaha...

Well, I am yet to decide which one to go... but i think since the full time college is very intimidating... i might just accept the existing part time offer and try another part time somewhere. Well...

Yes, I am distrubed... very much disturbed by my career path... it's time to think "is this the time?". Well, I always say I want to only go for it when I am at the highest level in life. Is that so? or shall it be ... according to His time?

- Disturbed! -

"Lao Fu Zhi"?

I have always read that this "Lao Fu Zhi" sat on a chair which the paint was not dried and he ended up sticked himself on the chair, because he didn't see the "wet paint" sign.

I have never seen those chair before... and I wonder who will do that. On my last visit to Macau, I saw this guy painting the chairs.... and he does put on a sign saying "Wet paint". So, it reminds me of "Lao Fu zhi". I was so excited and asked my dear friend to took a photo for me. hahaha...

- "Lao Fu Zhi" -

Frustration!

I am not sure what triggled up my 'frustration' towards a lots of things besides me. I can be just emotional challenged lately. I am not sure. It's weird somehow to think about fairness and demand that to be exercised while we know, it doesn't exist in this fallen world. Well, stupidlly, I still demand that ... and I made my demands towards something which I know it will only hurts feelings of others and yet, I still wanna do it. Is this call human nature? or sinful nature?

Whatever it is, England and Mexico are feeling the same I am sure.... that there's injustice in this world. Two different occasions, two different cities and 8 difference referees and yet... technology has shown us that they were at WRONG and both teams, 2 nations released their frustration and due to that, same consequences resulted, we lose!

So what if we know we are 'winning', we were correct? so what? we are still loser anyway.... argue over it? come on... it only affects our emotions and it will detrimental to our spiritual walk and healthy soul. At the end, we are losing.

I am seriously frustrated with all these what I call 'non-sense' from the church leadership, from the members, from my clients, from my bosses, from everyone in the world. Put it this way, we are trying to find a balance point somewhere to make the scares LOOKS a bit 'balance' and yet, child as young as 2 years old know, it's IMPOSSIBLE!

While I was waiting in court this morning, I took the liberty to THINK on just one point: what do i want. My niece thought me this lesson 2 days ago. Instead of toys, i bought my nephew and niece some clothes this time as their parents said they have too many toys and they won't be able to bring to England in August. I know what they expect from me... TOYS! But, i bought them clothes... truely, they were disappointed because they can't play with their TOYS with me this time... and my niece got angry, throw the clothes to me and cried. (she got her punishment after that - from her mom). I was then thinking... see, my little niece also know what she wants... how can I not know what i want... "what exactly i want?"

I guess i am burned out. Seriously does... till a point where I really think throwing things and cry is the best think I can do for now. hahaha... Well, so I have the idea... of trying to 'throw' things up and out and to cry...

Ya... I am thinking of giving up on a lots of things lately... life is not one... not to worry! hahaha...

- Frustration! -