I was so caught up by emotions yesterday and that after my dinner with my friends; I didn’t even want to go home. Somehow, I told myself that I should sit down, start packing and get things organized. So, I went home, took my shower and I sat in front of my computer, trying to sort out things. I called my parents and yes, at the end I needed help from my parents. It is really not easy to ask help from parents especially when I should be doing the other way round for them now. If things did not go so unpredictably ‘wrong’ for the past few months, I guess I am still in good shape. Yes, I am blaming myself for being not too smart and always stuck while climbing every single steps of life. I just don’t like ME. As my parents, they are always supportive and encouraging. My mom has been saying that I should trust in the Lord. I was so down last night. Honestly, I was thinking of giving up. Even this morning while I was walking back from the court, I just feel that I like the court life here and I just feel like giving up the plan to go back to Sabah. So, I asked myself: Did I hear Him correctly?
Friends that I had dinner with told me that of what they saw happen to me for the past few months, they thought may be I am destined to be in Sabah. I don’t know because the decision is not easy to make. After a good 6 years in KL and worked here in 3 different companies/firms, my career network is established and I just feel so heavy to put them all down. While I saw at my table after talking to my parents, a friend from Taiwan say ‘HI’ in the MSN and continue to said , “God prompt me to pray for you. Is everything ok there?” Wow!!! Honestly it gave me a shock. Without me answering, she started to encourage me and even prayed for me. It’s like she knew exactly what’s in my mind. After we prayed, we then shared. That’s reminded me how wonderful a Godly friend is to me. Well, we went through a terrible life together in England. We shared, we prayed, we encouraged, we even cry together over things happen to us. And she just reminded me that we should do the same at all time, that’s to pray to Him and continue to trust His guidance. As of my previous experiences, I have started to pray for a spiritual friend to be around me when I reached KK. I really do.
Today is my second last day. I met a few people in court and auction today. All of them think I should give it a try no matter how and they think I should be fine. I hope so, really… I can’t BEAR the risk of failure at this point. Really!!!! I just hope thing goes well.
I have so much to worry about. I need to find out who can carry my guitar back for me (hand carry), who can carry my racket back for me, who send me to airport, who can help me to deliver things to my buyer, who can help me with some overweight luggage, whether I can survive, how to get client, etc. etc. A friend jokingly sent me a text / verse: Philippians 4:13. ha… yes, why would I need to worry so much if I trust the Lord?
Lord, forgive me for I have sins against you and against all fellow man in thought, word and deed.
