Self-sufficient or God-dependent?

I am not done with what annoyed me by the prosperity gospel teaching I spoke about in my last post.  I still got very disturbed by the fact that everyone who is very much influenced by the prosperity gospel teaching that we shall not speak anything that's negative and anything as such will be called, "declaration" which once you "declare", it will happen, which is not good.  Oh come on,  so, things happened not because of God but of words that spoken out of your mouth because you will somehow face adversities in life and you are just telling the facts and that somehow become a declaration? 

As far as I know, my God is not as small as only perform what words came out from one's mouth.  But maybe the God that you know is different because it does sound like, the people/the words people speak is God instead of God being God, which, definitely means, people are trying to be God, for as long as I remember or know, yes.  They tried to wish the positive things to happened to them and wish negative things to goes away from them, and suddenly this sounds very Chinese to me.  Oh well, I guess, it is a human thing rather than just a Chinese thing.  

These people somehow think why can control over things by their faith, their beliefs and their 'declaration', that's what they are doing and believe to be doing.  Do they need God? No.  They want GOD to do whatever they declared, but not necessarily following His will and what God wants in their lives.  Sadly, I realised, it is not a new thing or a new gospel teaching because as I read on the book of Micah, it seems like that's what humanity has been, trying to be self-sufficient and making sure that they are good enough and that they do not need God because God will love them and give them whatever they want.  I wonder if that's so, why are there still people who are suffering from sickness, from poverty, from adversities? 

If the word 'dead' is bad instead of negative and that we are not supposed to speak or 'declare' it, then what was Jesus teaching was when it comes to John 12 when He spoke about the needs to be dead in order for God's name to be glorified?  Is Jesus' death a positive or negative thing? Ok.  You might ask what annoyed me to have 2 posts on this.  Well, I am sick and all I asked is that friends pray for me because I do not want to go through another surgery. Instead of some encouragement to ask me to focus on His Will and have some faith in Him, etc, I was being scolded for "declaring" that I am sick and I might need surgery. Two of them said something about I must have done such a bad thing that I grow up having lots of sicknesses too.  I got angry and annoyed because, 1st, who they think they are? God? 2nd, did I declare? 3rd, do they know what's going on between me and God before they being judgmental? 4th, what's wrong with me being God-dependent? I did not however tell them any of those above, but simply said, "well, I am weak and I need God and that's why I pray to God and know nothing about declaring because it is a fact that I am facing this situation". 

Just like what Micah 5 says, there could have been a lot of situations where I will need God to deal with and help me with.  But like Jairus, like the women that have 12 years of blood loss issues, as long as we have our faith and eyes fixed on Jesus, it is more than just our sickness be healed, but our ultimate, bottom-line issue - sin be forgiven.  If we are only focusing on the issues, but ignoring all the process and relationship with God and the ultimate bottom line issues, we would have missed a great deal of knowing and experiencing Him.  Who are we to judge or to declare things to happen or not to happen? To choose to be self-sufficient or God-dependent, I am still on the latter, no matter if I am losing some close friends.  I pray that they will find God and be born again.  

- self-sufficient or God-dependent? -   

Prosperity gospel

What a label I put on people who always declare here and there, only for GOOD, nothing bad.  They are basically COMMANDING God to give them everything GOOD and prosperous and anything that's not (according to their dictionary and understanding and that their tiny little brain can cope), they alleged that all are from Satan.  WOW! 

That's the blow I got from some friends who are so into Joseph Prince and his preaching and seems like they are totally devoted to Joseph Prince and not God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  SERIOUSLY?  Why am I saying what I said? I have to claim a disclaimer here because it is wholly my experience with 4 people living in Singapore and listening to Joseph Prince's preaching and seriously, I got worried. Worry is probably an understatement, to be honest.  

These people seem to do this a lot: - 

(a) putting everything you said that's negative to - "you shall not declare it". 

(b) everything negative (not necessarily bad because everything turns out to be super good if we follow His plan) is not from God and has to be BAD BAD.  

(c) only good things (prosper, wealthy, healthy, happy) are from God and everything else from Satan.  

(d) lack of relationship with God/Jesus.  They only go to church, listen to preaching and declare.  They will not understand the relationship with God. 

(e) they are asking God to fulfil their wishes and wants and not seeking Him and walked in His plan. 

and the list goes on.... 

Seriously?  Anything negative is bad? anything positive is good? Our God is so small and so easy to comprehend? Then where is the idea of 'seek' ye First is for? This group of Christian might not understand why Moses was born in that era, in that family and grow up in another and why he was given leadership but not the ability to speak fluently.  They probably only see the power of God that leads Israel out of Egypt but never gotten to read the rest of the chapters about the wrath of God, why God allows certain things to happened to Moses or Israelites.  They will never put their mind to wonder if there's one single Israelite that will stay put in Egypt and never left. All they know is, God, lead them out of Egypt and full stop. They forgot completely about what happened before and after the incident.  Or wait, I am sure they preach about this too, just that may be a different context. Still, they will say, no matter how DARK ages it was, God leads them out of Egypt because that's His plan, His plan to prosper and give them the promised land.  Really? is that all?

At times, I wonder why God let me suffer so much throughout my life.  Trust me, this bunch of friends are the last I will turn to because they will point fingers and said it must be something I did horribly that God is punishing me, etc.  Instead of telling me to hang on to God, seek Him and His kingdom first, and follow His plan.  I never blame God for sufferings.  Looking back, I thank Him for all that happened to me, those experience, the walked with Him throughout the whole journey, it is one of the best experience in life that I will not regret having.  In fact, one of the best that not many experienced.  Acknowledging myself as weak and small who needs Him is never a declaration that I do not need Him.  In fact, it is a declaration that I need Him so much in my life.  The so-called prosperity, it cannot be quantified by a measure of the world such as money and possessions or even family.  Seriously, I always said financially I am poor, but in spirit and relationship with God, some of my cell group members will know and jealous, that I enjoy so much my time with God  - prosper.  I love having a conversation with Him, spending time with Him, doing thing with Him, going through hardship and good time with Him, and trusting Him and meditating His words, etc.  I realised recently that not everyone has those moments in life where you truly enjoy the time spending with God and when my cell member heard me share and desire to have that closeness with Him, they can only ask how and keep trying.  I am glad I do and I enjoyed it.  So it doesn't matter if I am in good time or bad, as long as I know I have Jesus and God and Holy spirit journeying with me through it, even death I am not afraid of.  

Life, is never under my control.  Everyone has good and bad times and I count them as all from God,  including some challenges to test me.  For spiritual warfare? Oh well, if you have it, consider yourself blessed because even Satan unable to stand that closeness you have with God. And if God is with you, who can go against you?  I wouldn't know when I will be dead or when is my last day on earth. But as I aged, I do not want to die so soon because I want to enjoy a bit more time with Him and doing His work. I feel utterly unbearable with huge discouragement and disappointment when I know doing His works might be limited now due to pandemic, due to covid-19 and what more, due to my poor health.  But nothing should stop me from having a good relationship with Him.  Be it I am having good or bad times. 

I seriously hope my friends will not just praying for prosperity in their life here on earth, but also seek His kingdom and Will first, and not focusing just right on prosperity in this world.  If I have to die in order for His plan to goes smoothly, I am ok to die.  As long as it is His will. 

- Prosperity gospel - 

Retirement Plan - on Good Friday reflection

I walked into a Bank recently, just because I was asked to go and get my credit card and at the same time, I was trying to get my debit card sorted as it is expiring.  While the officer was trying to sort things out for me, she didn't waste her time asking me if I have planned for my retirement.  To be honest, I did, but I thought, due to me having so much sickness in me, I do not think I even need to think that far.  Practically, I will just keep my focus on staying alive for now.  Of course, I did not stop her from sharing, because I am sure she needs a little practice and I don't mind listening to what Bank can offer these days too. Interestingly, she told me you can invest a sum of monies with time for a long term (30 years) and you will get a return based on the interest of 4.99% per annum every year.  Her reasoning of why we should start saving and investing now of course because we are unable to see the future, we might need more in the future, the interest rate in the saving account or fixed deposit is too low, etc.  

She then asked me if I have invested at all, which I told her, not at all. At least not financially.  Seriously, I think the package that she is trying hard to sell to me is kind of interesting and that kept me thinking for a week at least of whether I should invest in it.  

That's us, human, who in many time in our lives accepting a fact of the world that was put in our face and kept us away from feeling secure by just being in the dwelling of God.  We tend to plan for the future we are unable to know about and if we do not get what we planned for, we lose faith in the world or even God and started to blame God for not providing enough.   Just like what happened in 2020.  I remember we all were very happy about what we planned ahead for the year 2020.  A career advancement, a wedding, a reunion party, a family holiday, and big profit on the way and suddenly, not that plans had to be cancelled, but some of us also faced with unpredicted problems and issues including the passing of our loved one, physical separation with our loved one, lost of job, lost of income, facing bankruptcy and winding up of your company, and others.  You started to ask the question, "why me, Lord, why?".  

As ironic as it sounds, I can somehow hear God says, "Is that my plan or yours that it didn't get through, my Child?" If it is yours, why are you pointing the question to me now? If it is mine, why can't you let go and let me be God and follow my plan? Either way, I find it that's we as human, never learn from past history when it comes to relationship with God.  Don't you think?  

Let me ask you a question.  What's your life goal? To accumulate enough wealth so you can enjoy the rest of your retirement days until you died? That's what the Officer in the bank was telling me about.  The whole of your life, all you do is this? Waking up early morning, sleep so little, and worked so hard, just so you can have a little more monies and enjoy the remaining time on this earth? Sorry to use 'remaining', but that's exactly the word that I deem appropriate to describe our remaining time here on earth before we die.  Or, to get married, have children and worked the whole of your life just to see them grow, have their own children? Or what exactly is your life goal?  How much can you plan to achieve it? When you do, did you not making yourself as the idols? or did you not make the money you earn (which is supposed to get you food to sustain your life), the wealth, your children, your grandchildren, your wishes and dreams as your idols? By putting them as your idols, did you put God as one of the 'methods' or 'tool' in getting what you want instead? Let me simplify this for you.  Did you plan things ahead and then pray that God will give you what you wish for, or you have nothing planned ahead and just pray that God will direct your path and bless you? I bet most of us are doing the former than the latter.  You will ask me, how can one not have a plan? I need to plan ahead for many things and if God loves me, He will fulfil my dreams and all that I am asking for.  See, that's the problem of the human being.  

That's my problem.  I was kind of frustrated and angry with God a few weeks back when I realised that I might need to go for another surgery to get myself fixed.  My almost immediate reaction was, "Come on God, again? Can you be nice to me at least once?"  I got even more frustrated when I came to realised that, I have no control over my own health and own physical body because we all know that, even though the body seems to be ours, it is actually belonging to God, and I guess I have forgotten about it.  I thought I have full control of my own body and health.  That's how wrong I was.  

So, why do I worry about the future and why do I complain about the possibility that I need another surgery? Do I even have the rights to complain or even submit the future plan to Him? If I have no rights to control my future and my health and my body, why am I worry about it? If He says I am to die tomorrow, can I say no to it?  If He did give me 100 years old of life, can I say I do not want it? Do I even have control? 

Today is Good Friday and throughout this holy week, I have taken so much time pondering over (a) how much He loves me (b) how much I have to submit myself into Him and His plan (c) I have to focus on Him and His plan alone and nothing else (d) There is no other thing or no other person in this world is more important for me to give my life to (e)  I should focus in preparing for the eternal life after death and so, it is important to meditate and memorise His words and worship Him more. 

Last Sunday, after I told a friend to pray for me to keep my focus on Him (because I think I did lose focus on Him but unable to comprehend what exactly that I lost focus on), another friend texted me the next day and said she dreamt about me, wearing a one small hole pinhole spectacle as if it tells me to focus and not being distracted by things that are happening at my surrounding. 

Yes.  Along our journey of life, we can be made blind or cannot see clearly, unless we see through that tiny hole, only then we are able to focus and mind you, it is very important to put all efforts to see through that tiny hole because the surroundings are very attractive and we might lose focus on why we are here on earth for.  Yes.  I was worry about income for the next few months or probably years.  Yes.  I am worried about my health.  Yes.  I am worried about a lot of things, but today... as we remember Jesus died for me on the Cross because of our iniquities,  I am telling you that I am not even afraid of death, so what should I afraid of exactly?  The victory is in Him and He is my father who loves me and taking care of me, not just on earth, but in future.  So, why should I be worried about the future, the future that I cannot control, the future that only He knows and has planned ahead?

My retirement plan? It has to be 2 Timothy Chapter 3 and 4.  First, Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage with great patience and careful instruction.  Secondly, keep my head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of my ministries.  That's my retirement plan and my retirement did not start at age 65 because I might not have time till then to execute such plan.  It has to be now and I hope if I am blessed to retire at 65, I will still be able to carry on this plan until the coming of Jesus or I died, whichever is earlier. For now, that's my only focus in life.

-  Retirement Plan :  on a Good Friday reflection -