Lives as if it is your last moment

That's exactly how I have lives like for the past 4 years.  Lives as if it is my last moment in life.  Ever since I know that I could have been dead and/or I will one day be gone has made me lives everyday like it is my last.  I treasure every moment in my life, making sure it's 'lived' without any regret.  This, should not be the way it is for those who has some disease in them.  This, should be for everyone on earth.  No one know how and when we are going to die.
A friend's mother just past away after a week of being admitted to the hospital.  She was shocked to be told her mom got admitted.  I urged her to go home the next day before i left to a half day trip to Sandakan.  When I reached airport, she's at airport waiting for her flight.  We chat.... and she doesn't seems to be ready for the departure of her mother, even though she do know, her mother has not been well for the past one year.  Life is unpredictable.  I am glad she went home, spent a day with her mother before her mother collapsed completely and was admitted to ICU without the ability to breath by her own.
Today, she's sorting out things for her mom's funeral the whole day.  That's how short life is.  I am not sure how ready we all are, to face the death and also to lost someone we hold dearly.  It's no surprise to see my dad in the current stage, knowing that his condition will only deteriorate.  But it is somehow, heartbreaking to see how my dear mother coping with life as such.  Having the needs to take care of her husband, taking care of her daughter who is always in the run, worry about her son's family, etc.  Is that all of a life? If I didn't call her today and if she is gone tomorrow, yesterday would be our last communication. But well, who can guarantee we are still living tomorrow? or .. the next hour?
Life is shorter than what we expected.  We all thought having been in a different stage of life, our life is 'longer'... but that's not right.  According to His timing..... we only have 'a lifetime'.  Are we doing what we ought to do or rather, are we doing what we are assigned to do by Him? What if you haven't finish the assignment and He has taken you away? Is that mean we have missed the 'greatest' opportunity?
How do we lives or sustain our lives? By worrying about whether I have money to pay my staff next month or whether I will get pay next month or whether the loan i apply will be approved? or are we focusing on whether we have done what He has assigned us to do?
I am reminded again .... today, of what I should be focusing on.... and not what 'life' generally focuses on.

- Lives as if it is your last moment -

A good start?

I have recently took up the efforts to finally get the firm name, Kenneth Thien & Associates to change to PS Lin Chambers.  It has been about  5 years now that I have practise under the name and style of Kenneth Thien & Associates.   The main reason I didn't get the firm name changed 5 years ago because I wasn't sure whether I will want to continue to practise law in Sabah.  I have not been wanting to practise law as it has in many ways, 'depressed' me.  I cannot accept the fact that this country, even churches are not doing things in accordance with law, in upholding justice.  It seems like, the law I have been studying, is inapplicable to the practical lives we have in this country.  So, I gave myself 5 to 8 years to 'test' if I should continue to practise.  

Please do not get me wrong.  By changing the firm name this month, does not mean i will practise law in Sabah for the rest of my life.  Instead, it is a platform for me to proceed to quit and/or to proceed to the next step in life, i.e. a better living. 

I sent out an email notification last week to all law firms in Sabah that we have changed our Firm name, some friends and fella counsels called up to congratulates me, and some even approached, referring some cases to me.  I guess, i am not alone.  What surprised me was that, some, knowing that it's me who deal with the matter, knows all I need is to sort out the matters and not complicate matters.  Some, knows corruptions and briberies will not compromised my integrity and ethical practises.  I might not be a very famous lawyer in town.  I might not be a rich lawyer in town too.  In fact, I probably is the lawyer who is well known to be 'working alone' all the time.  Judges knows me as 'still new and dare to fight' for justice, but lack of experiences.  No one knows who was my master before this and who taught me how to stand up in court or conduct a trial alone.  In fact, I have learned by practising them, observing my opponents and learned from mistakes.  Those are always and still, my great teacher.  But I guess, I am well known that I will do the best for clients, I don't take up matters simply because of monies.  Of course, if justice cannot be uphold, I blame myself and the law system badly too ( I guess this happen to all my fellow colleagues too).  

It's a good start.  But as my mentor in KL told me once, "It is important to have a good start, but it is even more important to have a good end".  I hope, I will end up my practise and life of being known of the same, a lawyer with integrity and ethical.  

- A good start? - 

Wish and expectation...

Many people admire others who has big businesses and major profits..... and everyone wants to own a big company, earning a million a day....  many admire the others who have few thousands of working and wish, they will become 'rich', holding lots of projects in hands, etc.

Most of them, achieved all these during their younger days and declared that they have conquer the world under their feet.  Seriously, it is not difficult to start your own businesses.  Being a professional, it is even better, as we do not need to have any 'asset' to get works done.  All we need is, knowledges in our mind, which our parents invested through their hard earn savings and earning and our sleepless nights for only few years to get our license.

Many want to be boss, so that they can get away from sitting in the office all the time, so that they can go around meeting people and have some beers and according to them, that's the way of doing 'businesses', i.e. getting things connected.  Many wanted to 'use' their connections with others to build their portfolio, to get businesses and to get some big projects.  Most lawyers would just do whatever to get works from Banks, from Developers, and from big Companies.  They all told me, lawyers only survives if they are connected with these Big 3.  I agree, conveyancing matters are like bread and butter, but I disagree that I can only survive if I get connected with these Big 3.  On the other hand, Just because they are the Big 3, i go against them means, I can sue them..... they are the majority whom I can goes against and which other lawyers won't take up.

Is it really worth it in life to have a big company and earning big? I met a few big bosses these few days. all of them told me, they have sleepless nights most of the time.  They cannot remember when was the last time they slept soundly.  Worried about their companies, the big monies, sorting out messes, sorting out past messes that came back to haunt them now, etc. etc. It is seriously not difficult to start up a business.  But whether you will be able to maintain it, is another issue.

I am finding it hard, really.  Whenever I did not collect enough fund for the month, I worry a lot.  Thank God, by His grace, out of the 50 months,  I probably have only once or twice that I did not collect enough fund for the month (but i always have 2 months' reserves).  God is good.   My dream,is that, i will not have to worry about collection..... instead, I will be able to do what I like, research, reading... and teaching may be...  be it, I probably earning much lesser.... but i will enjoy my life to the fullest.

I am taking a year off (suppose), but just from January until April now... I am feeling soooooooo not in the mood for anything.  Life become so meaningless without the study part.  I am not very sure why, but...... goodness me.... shall I resume to study in September?  May be i should ai?

Instead of wasting another 1 semester?  May be I will be happier?

Well......  about earning and becoming rich? I rather maintain it small and steady.....  I guess...

- Wish and expectation -