"New". I can feel a lot of people made lots of plans about new year eve, new year day, dinner, party, ... holiday, etc. etc. As I was thinking to finish my assignment these 2 days, I did not success much because the bunch of friends i have in KK came over for dinner and to hang around until 1am. And I have my uncle and aunty coming over for a 2 days stay - to attend a wedding.
However, i have done 85% of what I should be doing and I should be able to finalist two of the assignments soon. All I need is 5 hours maximum.
New, is suppose to be happy, exciting, looking forward to. I am not sure what it means to you for a new year to come. May be you are anticipating its coming because you have a very bad 2014. Or you want a change in your life, etc. It was a crazy 2014 with a lots of step of faith in life happened. I am not very sure if I like 2014 or don't like 2014. 2014 has given me not only once, but few months of heart attack due to lack of funds in the office. It's a slow economic year. Many didn't feel that as an employees. I am not surprise. But it's heart attack to me and my account staff for many months, thinking if we will alive the next month. hahahaha... Anyhow, having faith in God for His providence seems like the only way out. It's not an easy lesson.
I don't know how we are going to survive for January 2015 alone.... and so, I don't know if I will survive 2015 at all. What more, when we had lots of laughters on the eve of 2015, I opened the news in the morning and saw many disasters and sadness still happening around the world. Putting myself in the AA victim's family member, the ebola nurse, the shanghai deceased's family, the Italian ferry victim shoes.... how did they 'celebrated' their so call new year eve?
What's to be 'celebrate' about serious? I wonder.... where does 'future' lies? Do I want to wake up everyday worry about what to eat, where to get money ? Do I want to wake up everyday feeling 'hopeless'? I plea for open doors, for opportunity, for blessing and prosperity......... is not just my prayer this morning, but .... a plea.....
- God, have mercy on me! -
Thursday, January 01, 2015
Thursday, December 18, 2014
End of 2014
Somehow, when my mind reach the entering of 2015, my heart and body shakes... it must be the uncertainty due to GST, due to bad economic, etc. Nothing seems promising. Everyone talks about their fear and except those who are working for others, the rest of us have not been having good sleeps ever since the announcement of implementing the GST.
To come to think of it, nothing seems to be promising and all all these while to be serious... and so, I asked God once again.... am I not putting my life in your hand and that I let you lead me through? Have I ever once in the past few years, had suffered financial constrains and yet cannot cope with it? Financial difficulties has never left me. It is still and it might be still in the future. So, what am I afraid of if i have God to be with me?
This morning, a long waited result from the Land office finally arrived after 3 months of waiting. It's in my favour. Again, I have not lose a case this year, still. No record has been break until this 2nd last week of 2014.
I am not sure if this will be better or worse, but I do know, I am contented. I have not lack of anything so far. In 2014, I have had the chance to go back to England again. Going 'home' always warmed my heart and pushed me to walk further. It's a motivation. With so many disasters for Malaysia in 2014, it finally will end soon. I hope next year, life will be better for everyone.
- End of 2014 -
To come to think of it, nothing seems to be promising and all all these while to be serious... and so, I asked God once again.... am I not putting my life in your hand and that I let you lead me through? Have I ever once in the past few years, had suffered financial constrains and yet cannot cope with it? Financial difficulties has never left me. It is still and it might be still in the future. So, what am I afraid of if i have God to be with me?
This morning, a long waited result from the Land office finally arrived after 3 months of waiting. It's in my favour. Again, I have not lose a case this year, still. No record has been break until this 2nd last week of 2014.
I am not sure if this will be better or worse, but I do know, I am contented. I have not lack of anything so far. In 2014, I have had the chance to go back to England again. Going 'home' always warmed my heart and pushed me to walk further. It's a motivation. With so many disasters for Malaysia in 2014, it finally will end soon. I hope next year, life will be better for everyone.
- End of 2014 -
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Needs? Desire?
I am taking a scale on my hand, putting some 'values' on the left and to the right..... and I am considering to withdraw from my LLM programme which I have put so much efforts on for the past one year. Simply because due to some misunderstanding, the actual fees invoiced is not as what I was told and/or expected and/or budgeted. So, either, I stop it, or I continue.
I have been asking the same question again and again as to whether I need to study this course. It would definitely something 'earned' if I do want to continue. But at the same time, I am not rich. I do not have 'extra' cash to study. It will add on to the financial burden I have been carrying on. Life might not be as 'luxury' and comfortable if I wish to continue.
I was thinking to withdraw the course yesterday. Today, I just wanted to continue for another semester if that's allowed (at the time of writing, I am still waiting for email from my personal tutor).
Do i need the course? Well, seriously.... I don't know. To use it for my professional career, may be not. To embark into teaching career, may be yes. To give me something to look forward to and to motivate me and to keep me sane, definitely yes. I seriously do not have much things to look forward to in life. I do not have a child that's growing up and expecting my child to reach different level of age and life, etc. No. I do not have much to 'expect'. If I am losing this, I guess, all i have is at work. I have lost my 'services' in the church for years now. Now with this.... all i am worry is, whether i will go depress again.
So, besides work, it will be home to watch TV and that's all?
I don't know seriously.....
- Needs? Desire? -
I have been asking the same question again and again as to whether I need to study this course. It would definitely something 'earned' if I do want to continue. But at the same time, I am not rich. I do not have 'extra' cash to study. It will add on to the financial burden I have been carrying on. Life might not be as 'luxury' and comfortable if I wish to continue.
I was thinking to withdraw the course yesterday. Today, I just wanted to continue for another semester if that's allowed (at the time of writing, I am still waiting for email from my personal tutor).
Do i need the course? Well, seriously.... I don't know. To use it for my professional career, may be not. To embark into teaching career, may be yes. To give me something to look forward to and to motivate me and to keep me sane, definitely yes. I seriously do not have much things to look forward to in life. I do not have a child that's growing up and expecting my child to reach different level of age and life, etc. No. I do not have much to 'expect'. If I am losing this, I guess, all i have is at work. I have lost my 'services' in the church for years now. Now with this.... all i am worry is, whether i will go depress again.
So, besides work, it will be home to watch TV and that's all?
I don't know seriously.....
- Needs? Desire? -
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