Forgotten...

These few years it has been crazily different. After all that had happen, I forgot, sort of... Who I was .... exactly.  Recently, I met many old friends...... Whom I have lost touch for years.  Some I cannot even remember their names and faces, but all of them are telling me I had contributed to their success.  Just like those who had touched my life when I was young, I somehow had done the same during my youth time.  I forgot I wasn't leading a group or two of youth.... It was the whole youth fellowship consisted about 150-200 youth, while all the other leaders were oversea, further their studies. I was training the leaders of all sorts.... .  Today, the new leaders might not remember who I am. But those I impacted remembers......

Even one or two of my secondary schoolmates testified today what I have done that made them believe in Jesus.  I forgot I was born, trained and chosen as His servant. 

The question is, am I still ? The recent trend now is that you have to be a full time workers in order for you to serve The Lord as a leader... Which is totally different from those days where whoever is willing, God needs you.... Even though many whom I have trained is now priest and pastors.... But many also have not serving now because they were being 'rejected' by the church.... I am of course, one of them. It is somehow, Very demoralising and discouraging....

The dilemma is that, due to being rejected, we put all our efforts and energies on our works and most of us succeeded in our career..... And then, the church leaders are labelling us as we are spending more time elsewhere and not God. Such accusation to me, is irresponsible and very selfish.

If we having learned of the weaknesses in church and we voiced out, we were said, we are too earthly too. The church these days..... To me is full of hypocrites than servant of God. They claim they are the ONLY one who knows the heart of God.... And we, who are not as 'great leader' as them, has little God exist in our life. 

Seriously, that's exactly why I forgot the meaning of being God's servant. I guess, I just do not want to be equally yorks with this bunch of leaders....

- forgotten -

Great escape!

A few matters were done before I left for holiday in May this year.  All necessary documents and hearing were done and so, it's a good 10 days break (seriously not a single call from client and all for the first time, while I am overseas).  I know I do have lots to cover after I come back and so... my expectation was handy. 
God must be on my side.  That's generally what I heard over and over again for the past 2 weeks.  I didn't realised what others will feel when they knew I took over the firm without a single cent few years back.  All of them just looked at me said, "God must be on my side". Well, for those who have been through the take over part, they will know how much I 'suffer' from taking over old files.  I literally would have been a millionaire if not because of the old files that gave me problems over problems.  Whenever my clerk discovered files which have problem, they came to me immediately, but with fear, because they know I hate that 'news' a lot.  Some, I know they solved without letting me know (those which are within their ability). 
God must be on my side.  I haven't gone bankrupt yet at least.  Over the 2 weeks, many matters were fixed for hearing and decisions.  I have to thank God none is not in my favour.  Even today's decision, without me forwarding what the judge require me to forward, he gave me what I asked for. 
Those cases, some caused clients to suffer for more than 23 years, is finally resolved.  Some, impossible has became possible finally. 
There's a case scheduled for trial next week.  I didn't manage to prepare it completely. At least, I haven't done the opening speech, the cross-examination questions, etc.  But I am so thankful that it has been rescheduled.  I don't know what else I want to ask for.  Things are falling into places quite unexpectedly somehow.
I am also in the final stage in sorting out the joint firm issue with another law firm.  I hope it works and that situation improves from there. Life has not been easy.  It will only goes tougher when business is getting bigger, I think.  Even though people think I only sit in the office and money will fall from heaven.  hahahahaa.... oh well, obviously, that's not the case.
I call it a great escape for the last few months... seriously.... from an account that's almost reach 0, we survives.... , from cases that I thought it will ends there, it somehow survives.... may be a good holiday motivates me thereafter?
Well, the greatest escape I guess is that, I managed to pass my Electronic Commercial Law paper with 60 marks.  It's never easy to achieved 60 in law.  I am glad that even though I didn't have much time to finish all the reading and assessment and coursework, I somehow... survived. 
God must be on my side.... and I am not denying the fact that He is on my side all the time.
- Great escape! -

Shall I?

A friend called and said I look much happier during that 10 days in UK.  Asked me if it ever cross my mind to move over and lives there.  I told her it's a holiday and i was enjoying myself a lot.  She said I have been to many places but this time round in UK, i seriously looks much happier than any other holiday trips. Oh well.... I cannot deny the fact that UK is definitely a better place for me.  I sleep well and eat well every single day while I was there.  Even with all the tiredness, I was happy.  Even walking along the unfamiliar streets and carrying a heavy camera, I feel good. 
This is the 2nd week after I came back and believe or not, I am having food problem, digestion problem, sleeping problem....

I have been doing a research into what i can do to transfer my Malaysia Bar to UK Bar for me to practice in UK for the past 2 years.  Ended up, I can do the transfer any time if I wish to.  But I am not doing anything about it.  I have tried the test set out by the Australia Immigration and noted that I am a skilled worker they wanted very much and all I need is to do proper submission and there, i will be able to stay in Australia and work there. I even started to pace for myself some other option besides practising law, i.e. teaching law in colleges and universities and hence, I have paid to get a LL.M. 

I wonder what's the main reason that caused all these serious determination to move out of Malaysia and work somewhere else.  If it is not because of my parents, i probably have moved out already.  But .... I wonder... why is that so? Well, I guess mainly because I started to realised that it is totally contradicting my practices with the existing laws of Malaysia.  Malaysian in general doesn't respect law, more so, lawyers..... lawyers got bullied by rich people.  The law ranked lower than money per se.  If you have the money, in this country, you can overpowered the law.  I experienced opponent (lawyers) who get paid a lot to do illegal and unethical stuffs, even if they know it is wrong in law, they twisted the law.  For 8 years now, I endured this.  I was so depressed by work and this professions and broke down few years back.  I got up, do the same thing again (even though differently), and I wonder, how much longer can I last this time round. 

Just when I am about to check out the possibility to get out from here, I returned to UK for a holiday.  Bristol is a place I got reminded of my covenant with God once.  I was determined to returned to Malaysia for a reason.  Obviously, it did not work out fine for the past 14 years.  I have failed or is it God who says STOP for now? I seriously have no idea.  All I know is, if I continue, I will be crash.  I need to look at things from other perspective.  In His timing and ways.... and not what I thought it was.  May be coming back is WRONG.  I don't know.... just when i thought I do not know the direction to Manor Hall in Bristol... somehow, I was directed to Manor Hall on my way down to Broadmead.  Stopped by for a short while and I am reminded ...  the day I said, "I love Malaysia".

Shall I move on?  A question I asked God since 2012.  Is this a sign from you to move on my Lord?

- Shall I? -