Pre Christmas...

It has been a tough few weeks and for the past few days, it's worse. Everyone is having fun on holiday except me! Well, I keep telling myself I will be on holiday in May 2014. Whenever I wonder when will all these end, I remember a friend told me, "Pei San, soon... Few more days to go!" Haha... Of course we were sharing as to what happen to us this whole 2013. I am not the only one suffering. Few of us on the same year too.... And all has relations with our parents. 

I am just tired. Not physically but mentally, spiritually and physically. Trust me, it is not fun not being able to get involve in ministries for years and all. No caroling, no cell group, no friends, no interaction, no involvement in any directions of my life! It is seriously what I call, a dead and not working soul that walks around...

Trust me, I have been praying the whole day today for His mercy! I cannot stand anymore. I have work, studies and parents to take care. It is crazy. Expenses wise, I am paying for 2 houses of expenses. 3 staffs's salary, mt tuition fees, my other expenses. 

If I am qualify to suffer from major depression, I dunno who else is. If I can cope and yet still being think I am depressed, I am speechless!! 

Depressed, sick and being Demon possessed? Hahaha.... I don't think they know what it means to be me. Or their lives are just too good and they cannot comprehend at all. Well, wait till they suffer they same one day... Then, I will just stand there and tell them I had done it and my turn is over. Hahaha...

For now, I really cannot stand!!!

-pre- Christmas!-

Tough ending!

Just when I entered December, I have just constantly met and meeting challenges. I was calculating whether I have enough to cover this month expenses, my university has sent me an invoice! To be honest, I just emptied my bank account and when holiday ends, I will need to go to the bank first thing in the morning to sort out the fixed deposit and overdraft facilities. 

When a law firm in this stage, you probably realised how few conveyancing transaction we had in the past few months. This is seriously worrying. 

Just when I was worry for that, I received phone call around 930pm one evening from my mother telling me she's not well.  There after, I was stuck in Tawau for a week and nothing in the office moves including billing clients, meeting clients, have new cases, etc. things just stopped. More so, with all these, my washing machine and water heater went dead and I have to get a new one. When I came back from the one week to sort out all office works, I found my Astro decorder went dead too, leaving me without entertainment at all.

I managed to get works sort out, at least most of it before I go back to Tawau today. I even had a great chat with my personal tutor Professor Graeme Laurie yesterday, but when I was woke up and got myself ready to go to the airport, I received SMS from the airlines that my flight has rescheduled from 705am to 955am.

Life is certainly not going smooth still. But I am glad I am going back home for Christmas. I hope flight is on time now as I am waiting for it to depart while I am typing this with my only Christmas present, my new iPad mini, as consolation. 

I cannot wait for 2013 to end!!! 

- Merry Christmas! -

Key : Trust in the Lord!

I feel that "I am back" to the normal me after such a long time.... KK has driven me crazy for sure.  Ever since I moved to KK, things has never been 'normal'.  My first feeling was, "damn, i am being cheated". First, it's my job, my ex-partner definitely wasn't truthful on the real facts of the set up of the firm.  I ended up being a monkey in a wilderness. Yes, wilderness because I don't know this place at all.  I couldn't find a church that I can attend in the first 5 months.  Attended All Saints Cathedral but I didn't feel welcome at all.  In this city, I can count with one of my hand the total number of people I know.   I was staying in a small unit rented by faith through a friend of mine. Let's not talk about how the unit was the moment i stepped in. I feel like a spider myself.... and with nothing with me to clean the unit, I slept through the night on the floor, alone.
Life has not been good over the past 8 years in KK and I have forgot when did I stop sending out Christmas card to all my oversea friends.  Amazingly.... I just remember to do that this year.  I am back... reconnected to all my close friends (all oversea) and focusing on to achieve my dream and disconnected with people that detrimental to me.
2013 is ending.  I have to be very frank with you that my bank account is not having much saving.  I have used 80% of it on air tickets and taxi fares, but my bank account is not empty either.  God has been faithful and he has provided for my needs for the past 12 months without me worrying, in fact, we have extra to sort out computers, networking and internet problem in the office.  Someone asked me how I survive 2013 since I closed down conveyancing work and I don't do developer's job, etc.  I can only says, I have angels walked in who gave me works enough for me to sustain for a few months.  God is good.  He sent and He provides.
Even though I don't know how I can survive in 2014, but I guess, the only key is ... to trust God.
2013 is not a very prosperous year because we have stopped all conveyancing works.  However, I am hoping and praying that God will open another path for me to venture.  I am setting 2014-2016 as year of studying.  I really hope .... despite the busy schedule in my studies, I do not need to worry so much about finances.
Lord, I cry out to you.... please help me, provide to me and continue to  bless me...!
- End of 2013 -